Re: A valid dying request
These decisions are always emotional, not rational. Not much need of 'thinking through'.
At some point in life, you have to listen to the heart and not brain.
Re: A valid dying request
at this point, if he is able to derive even an iota of pleasure out of his life by going back, it should be done. it should be all about him right now.
thank you for saying it,...
1) the man has stage 4 cancer, but still in senses, 4/6 months to go..
2) he requested to live rest of his days in Pakistan and bury their.
3) three sons with their wifes, kid's & jobs ...
4) issue is not emotional, it's materialistic .. ex. what about jobs, wife's wishes/cryings, kid's education and all the excuses..
5) the sons should figure it out, it's not like everyone have to move to Pakistan with the old man, it can be one son and baho at a time.. or plan for some vacation after 5 months when all the lot can go back to pak to spend 10/15 days with the father..
not that difficult but it requires to think outside of the box (wife's,money)
I don't think the sons's intentions are materlistic at all. Infact I heard that the older bahu volunteered to take the leave and even take pull the children out of school and take them along.
The sons want his comfort. Diet change, medications, electricity, dust allergies (which he has), sheer heat in summer months. It hard enough to see someone suffer.
He also doesn't know anyone there - so socially he would be isolated.
Perhaps there is that glimpse of selfishness to have his grave near when he passes away.
I have to say some folks in community have said that the father's request was down right SELFISH. He should never ask his family for a sacrifice like this. Death is harder sometimes on who you leave behind and he should have not asked for this complication.
Re: A valid dying request
dat would be good if they fill their father's wish.
Death is harder sometimes on who you leave behind and he should have not asked for this complication.
Exactly!!! Aap nay meri dil ki baat kehdi! Death is many times harder for those who are left behind - they are the ones still on this earthly plane left to grieve and feel for the one who is gone.
But to qualify, that's not to say we disregard the wishes of the dying, just that the emotional needs of the survivors also be taken into account and be given due consideration.
Religious or not - One may regret that was ONE thing that your father asked and you didn't fulfil it. For me, that sheer guilt would stay with me all my life.
What if my father ask to be buried in Taj Mehal ? I dont think that guilt has anything to do with that.
If, while dying, I express a wish to rip one of my daughters off my inheritance, my wife is not only allowed to not follow my last wish, she is obligated to do exactly the opposite and make sure that all my heirs get what they deserve Islamically.
When Islam allows you to make such decisions then there is no need to have that guilt factor there.
Re: A valid dying request
TLK - buring at Taj Mahal is an extravegent and an odd request. I don't think the Uncle's request was that.
I know religion might make the case for him to stay here but imagine having that conversation where you say "well islamically I don't have to fullfil your last request".
Easier said than done with the guilt factor.
Re: A valid dying request
NJ, i understand that its hard to let logic take over emnotions in moments like such, but I want to ask this. When sons feel lonely or sad and want to visit their dad's grave, how would that be possible if he is in Pakistan and sons are in USA. Its almost like punishing them for coming to USA.
Having said that, if sons are ok with this arrangement of visiting Pakistan to visit and take care of dad's grave than they should go ahead and fulfill his wihes.
Re: A valid dying request
I totally understand because it brings my mom extreme comfort to visit my nana's grave site in Pakistan.
My dad is a bit different because he feels that His Dad is all around. He remembers him and reads Quran for him where ever he is.
Re: A valid dying request
Your dad's mind set is obviously the right mind set, unfortunately we human beings are slaves of our five senses. We need to see, hear, touch, feel what we are missing to get the closure.
I dont have many examples to share but mine and the way I feel about not being able to visit my dad's grave at all in last 10 years.
Re: A valid dying request
^ see your point of view is also driven by your emotions not logic. there is no real logic in having a grave of a family member nearby but emotionally its what we all would prefer. thats the whole point, its hard to make a decision about this by completely separating the two and telling a parent no based on logic and geography alone and not consider his sentiments, when we place our own sentiments so highly.
Re: A valid dying request
Very good point. Makes sense. So now it comes to this argument that whose emotions are more important, someone who is dead or someone who is alive. I think that is one conclusion that we could never reach.