An Uncle is diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. The docs are giving him 4-6 months.
He currently lives in US with his 3 sons, DILs and a handful of grandchildren. His wife has passed away 5 years ago.
He wants to die in pakistan. That’s his wish and he is insistenting on it.
The sons feel he could get better treatment option and a more comfortable lifestyle here but he’s not budging. Finding a residence, specialists and setting up a home where he would be comfortable is not going to be easy.
Do you think the sons should comply with his request and take him back home?
a dying father wish you cant put it off just for the reason that you have to DO A LOT (with effort) and some extra money specially when he has 3 sons. If sons are in a situation that they cant really do it, then its another thing
I would want to favour the father's request - BUT, I can empathise with the kids. I can't imagine that all of the sons, DILs and grandchildren can go back to Pakistan and be with the father during his last days and they probably want to spend his remaining time with him.
Is there no compromise? A short visit to Pakistan and then returning to the US?
In recent years, a few family members have passed away, and the sense of gratitude that I could be with them in the days and months leading up to their death provided me with comfort while I was grieving for the loss. For the family members who were too far away when they died, there will always be that regret that I wish I could have spent their last moments with them.
aww...I know it will be hard for the sons to comply with their fathers request...but they really don't have a choice!!! It's what he wants, and he is relying on them for help! If they were in that situation (God forbid) I'm sure they would want there family to follow through on their wishes as well! Allah (swt) knows best!
Stage 4 Colon Cancer is not curable. It means it has spread to other major organs and he will deteriorate. All the doctors will do is prolong his suffering with Chemotherapy for the remainder of his life. Trust me, I know what I am talking about.
They should respect their fathers wishes and mentally prepare themselves for what is coming. To die naturally of cancer is a hard thing to watch. It is hard for everybody involved. If there are small grandchildren, it may be better for them not to witness what is coming.
I would want to favour the father's request - BUT, I can empathise with the kids. I can't imagine that all of the sons, DILs and grandchildren can go back to Pakistan and be with the father during his last days and they probably want to spend his remaining time with him.
, .. that's the response i always hate, when people cry about their children, their studies and money matters/jobs ..and blah baah.. to take care of their parents be it in west or in Pak..
if you can't have 6 months for your father when he need you the most, then you don't have the right to call him father, utter !
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Is there no compromise? A short visit to Pakistan and then returning to the US?
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how about leave him in old home?
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In recent years, a few family members have passed away, and the sense of gratitude that I could be with them in the days and months leading up to their death provided me with comfort while I was grieving for the loss. For the family members who were too far away when they died, there will always be that regret that I wish I could have spent their last moments with them.
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their is a huge difference between some family member and between parents, mind you !
I don't think the sons are being selfish, they want to do everything possible to keep their father around longer. What they need to realize is that once it reaches Stage 4, there is no turning back. They need to accept it and make the most of the time they have remaining with him. If it is his wish to go back to Pakistan, then take him there and be with him in his final months.
It's not a matter of money or convinience. The sons feel that he would be more **comfortable **here with extended family with the care of the his own doctors.
The summer season is approaching in Lahore and they want the provide the best facilties possible.
It is the older sons decision because docs are not recomending travel at all.
, .. that's the response i always hate, when people cry about their children, their studies and money matters/jobs ..and blah baah.. to take care of their parents be it in west or in Pak..
if you can't have 6 months for your father when he need you the most, then you don't have the right to call him father, utter !
how about leave him in old home?
Pretty judgmental of you to say that if the kids and their families don't give up six months of their lives and move to Pakistan that they are being selfish and haven't the right to call their father their dad.
So questions for each and everyone here who thinks that the kids are being selfish:
1) How many of you would want to be with your parents during their last months and do khidmat for their parents?
2) How many of you PLUS your own families AND your siblings PLUS their families could pick up stakes and move to another country for six months to spend that time with the parent?
Added to that, you're going to a country that is facing political turmoil and where the medical care is not as good as the father may receive here.
one thing to be clear, medically Stage 4 is not curable and he will die in few months, so be it in states or in Pak will make no difference in the pain.
it's really unimaginable to think like a person who knows he will die in few months, his wish of staying in Pakistan must be completed at all cost !
Pretty judgmental of you to say that if the kids and their families don't give up six months of their lives and move to Pakistan that they are being selfish and haven't the right to call their father their dad.
So questions for each and everyone here who thinks that the kids are being selfish:
1) How many of you would want to be with your parents during their last months and do khidmat for their parents?
2) How many of you PLUS your own families AND your siblings PLUS their families could pick up stakes and move to another country for six months to spend that time with the parent?
Added to that, you're going to a country that is facing political turmoil and where the medical care is not as good as the father may receive here.
madam, i go through such a situation even though it wasn't as bad as stage 4 !
Someone (father) wishing against someone else's (sons) suggestions made with good intent of good care etc just tells what HE WILL BE MORE HAPPY IN.
Sometimes people are more comfortable/happy in things that is hard for us to understand.
I get your point - I know that the sons' wishes are competing with the wishes of the father and that a dying man is entitled to have his wishes honoured. A dutiful son will honour his father's wishes over his own, BUT I feel sorry for the sons if they are denied the opportunity to make the most of these last months with their father, especially since the move may hasten his death.
At the end of the day, whatever Allah wills will happen and may Allah grant the family the courage and grace to go through these tough times.
Stage 4 people cannot think things through , the sons can make better decisions for this seriously sick person.
If they drive him around for few hour and bring him back and tell him that he is in Pakistan or America or Timbuktu, he cannot tell the difference.
Who is in a better position to make a good decision ? A terminally ill person or a completely healthy person ? You be the judge.
Let me be extreme. If their dad asks them to poison him to rid him of pain will they comply ? No, right ?