Re: A surprise divorce
This thread should serve a lesson to all girls (and guys too). Keep a copy of documents to a safe place that only you can access or with someone who you can trust like parents etc.
When I was leaving Pakistan my father gave me one advise
NEVER sign anything without reading no matter how small is the fine print and secondly ALWAYS take a copy of what you sign - rule should apply to every aspect of life including marriage contract.
What a jerk!
I say let him handle the kids, he'll be pretty effed up in a couple of days!
easy lil kid,.. if you don't know the stuff.. don't jump on it !
Re: A surprise divorce
1) mother + kids should be at US Consulate, actually call at emergency no and tell them the whole story.. if children are US Citizen and under 18, that will be taken care..
2) they will be issued us passports right away,... and even payed for their tickets by US Gov
3) guy did the stupid thing.. but hey we didn't hear the guy, probably he is right in his situation he can't tolerate her depression any more...
4) the bright side, he didn't leave the kids this means he have some humanity left !
5) the complete story is pretty looks like bs ,.. either the wife is out of mind or really a psycho .. or what so ever..
.. explain the community reaction why they are with him?
this is scary..how can u make sure ur not marrying a jerk?
You can't. That's why not knowing your rights, and not keeping your personal documents with you (like jeez, put your passport in your personal safe at the bank or something - why are you handing that stuff to a man you've been married to for a couple of months?), and not being educated so that you can stand up for yourself...is the worst thing you can do.
These girls who just go haan-mein-haan with whatever their parents sign them up for, and then trust their husbands will be perfect --> very RISKY.
She sounds like she just doesn't know her rights and how to maneuver around the system to get him in trouble. What he's done is wrong on so many levels and very illegal.
This thread should serve a lesson to all girls (and guys too). Keep a copy of documents to a safe place that only you can access or with someone who you can trust like parents etc.
When I was leaving Pakistan my father gave me one advise
NEVER sign anything without reading no matter how small is the fine print and secondly ALWAYS take a copy of what you sign - rule should apply to every aspect of life including marriage contract.
good advise, .. what i did long before and now it's my habit.. i scan all the important documents and save them in some online storage so they are accessible around the world.. . this habit actually save my life once..
i was stuck some where. .with wallet + passport gone.. .. .goes to a near internet cafe .. download my documents, print them.. use western union to transfer money from my bank in ny to my destination.. .. and call the credit card companies.. cancel the card replace them with 24 hour service..
print the copy of my social, birth certificate and us passport.. goes to us consulate.. and get my passport on emergency basics in 24 hours...
so yes.. a good habit.. specially for ladies.. make copies of all the documents and save them in secure place for example internet.. so you can access them every where..
Re: A surprise divorce
yeah better hope no one hacks that site cuz identity theft in such a case would be very easy :)
but yeah its good to have access to info. encrypted and all.
Re: A surprise divorce
You could just save them as attachments in your inbox. Esp if you have a huge inbox, like any hacker is going to sit there sifting through all your sent mail in the past 10 years to look for that stuff.
If she has an American Passport she needs to go to the American Consulate and try to get the heck out of Pakistan first and foremost. She needs to come back here and go through the American Court system. The stunt he just pulled is definitely a violation of some law.
The guy is such a freaking LOSER my god i swear people need the stupidest reasons to give divorces. Sheesh you inhaled for 2 seconds longer than the last so its a divorce. UGH. He should have been a man and taken her to a doc and worked with her. My question what is her real reason for depression? maybe because he is @---. How can the court rule she is unfit to raise her children when she is not here???
Its a curse that our tunneled visioned society does not see the guy can be a "bad" person too. Until she gets here and has a chance to tell her story its not fair for her. Are people really that stupid and really that blind? It is a lot easier to just go with the flow than stepping up and speaking against someone who does wrong. Sadly our culture teachers the bandwagon method....
A couple we know with 2 kids.
The guy takes wife and kids back home on vacation. Over there he takes their passports for safekeeping. Returns back to the US with passports and gives wife divorce from here.
She's stuck back home with her 2 kids. Obviously he has no intentions of giving her alimony, etc.
The story according to him is that she was too depressed for him to handle. Her story is that she was going through depression but should her husband have dumped her. She didn't know this was coming.
Now the community has stepped in but almost everyone is on his side. He's been able to get custody of the children as his wife is considered "dangerous" and "unfit" to raise the kids.
We've asked her to go to the American Consulate and report this. Any other suggestions?
Re: A surprise divorce
^ that's true. Maybe the husband's behavior toward his wife was causing the depression. I brought up that she could be going through post-partum depression if she had a child recently, or maybe she has an illness (bipolar, depression, etc.) that hasn't been diagnosed yet, but medication and therapy could easily help her. The husband should have taken the wife to the doctor instead of complaining that his wife was always depressed. I'm sure the husband has his side of the story too... but uhhh ok, go ahead and divorce her, that'll cure her depression. He could have helped out with the treatments, then when her depression was reduced/in control, given her a divorce and sorted out a healthy agreement on child custody... no need to do the whole passport thing.
A couple we know with 2 kids.
The guy takes wife and kids back home on vacation. Over there he takes their passports for safekeeping. Returns back to the US with passports and gives wife divorce from here.
She's stuck back home with her 2 kids. Obviously he has no intentions of giving her alimony, etc.
The story according to him is that she was too depressed for him to handle. Her story is that she was going through depression but should her husband have dumped her. She didn't know this was coming.
Now the community has stepped in but almost everyone is on his side. He's been able to get custody of the children as his wife is considered "dangerous" and "unfit" to raise the kids.
We've asked her to go to the American Consulate and report this. Any other suggestions?
OMG!!! Humtv Drama serial "VASL" is so much like this situation. May Allah help the lady and kids.
Re: A surprise divorce
I know I have already posted on this thread, but I am going to post again... so here is how i feel and by all means everyone is entitled to their own opinion :)... Its truly sad to see that divorce is so common in our culture today for all kinds of stupid petty reasons.. I have heard crazy things like I thought my wife was too dark so we divorced her... the girl didn't leave her parents so we divorced her... there was no jahiz so we divorced her... What ever happened to the sanctity of a marriage? whats wrong with these boys, i refrain from using MEN bc of obvious immature reasons these individuals are boys not men... Whats wrong with these parents who encourage their sons to do this? and to top it all of blame the girl for it? You dont have to be a religious fanatic to realize that at the end of this life all of us go back to Allah. What are we going to say to him when he asks us these questions.... " aahhhh I dunno Allah" will not work! I have heard from Marriages as short as 2 weeks to as long as 18 years ending up in divorce for no GOOD reason. It just so sad and breaks my heart. These larkay wallay (the guys side) think they have some eternal super power over their wives and girls are some kind of subordinates to them. I honestly thought cra** like this would have evolved by now and people would think rationally but I guess not.
I guess its true you can take a man out of the village but not the village out of the man!!
Re: A surprise divorce
soundarya and sidra87 I agree with everything you both have said !
Many women become depressed due to the ill treatments they receive from their husband and inlaws. People can go to any extent to make suffer their bahus/wives. Even if she was going thru depression he should have helped her. It's really heart breaking to read how men can divorce women over such petty issues and leave them to suffer for life !
Re: A surprise divorce
Hi
Something seriously missing here.
The lady is a Pakistani Citizen and now abandoned in Pakistan with the children by so called husband.
First thing according to Pakistani law, if the children are young the mother would get automatic custody until certain age. And getting custody in US courts how could this possible without court issuing notice to wife and going through judicial process?
In any case if children are still in Pakistan (he still need Pakistani courts to validate that ruling and) Pakistani courts could examine order issued by US courts.
Even at least one of the child is US citizen, i am sure US consulate would like to get involve in this issue.
Another thing community is supporting the the ex-husband, we are talking about peoples living in US, I am sure and there are many educated and and good peoples are among them, yet they decided to support him? It seems not such a black and white case.
I hope all well for poor lady and children.
Re: A surprise divorce
^ Pakistan's law does support mother when it comes to child custody.
As far as I know a son cannot be taken away from mother till the age of 7 and a daughter till the age of 18. For both boy and girl after the age of 12 their consent will be taken , if they want to live with their mother or father ? 99% of custody cases in Pakistan goes in the favour of mother (I have read that in dawn news). On the other hand if a father takes his children away from mother no FIR can be launched against him but if a mother takes away her kids from father without his consent he can launch an FIR. Law in Pakistan does give right to a father but again mother is preferred.
The woman needs to get a support system and strength to fight her case be it in US or Pakistan. I hope and pray ALLAH helps her.
Re: A surprise divorce
I hope she finds the justice soon and he pays for his act. What a shady guy!
If she was depressed so what?
No idea what is the reason behind 'community' support for him. Something is missing.
Re: A surprise divorce
If she is an American, the consulate will help with a great deal of stuff. From what I remember keeping someone's passport by force is a violation of the law. I am not really that familiar with the ACLU but maybe they could provide help and advice.
Additionally if their marriage is registered in the US, he can not give her a divorce while she is in Pakistan. There are some rules on that. Again rough idea on this stuff.
If she is an American, the consulate will help with a great deal of stuff. From what I remember keeping someone's passport by force is a violation of the law. I am not really that familiar with the ACLU but maybe they could provide help and advice.
Additionally if their marriage is registered in the US, he can not give her a divorce while she is in Pakistan. There are some rules on that. Again rough idea on this stuff.
I vaguely remember hearing that too and I think cops can get involved. The ACLU would definitely be a good source.
Re: A surprise divorce
First of all If the kids are american citizens they can go to the immigration in pakistan and say there being kept there with no passport/visa against their will. If shes a permanent citizan in america. Im sure she can do the same too.
Theres no way you can be kept in pakistan if your not born there without a passport. She can easily say its against her will, And even say her husband stole the passports. I do know here in UK if someone else has your passport its illegal.
Shes not stuck in Pakistan, She can easily get back home. And she has all this to back her up. Hes done something illegal already. So she will have a leg to stand on. And depression can be treated. If she really wants to treat it that is.