A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

Lifestyle Relationships
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one of the darker sides of shaadi planning…

Call for male forced wedding help

                                             	            **     	     	            The government has agreed to look into funding the UK's first male-only refuge for victims of forced marriage.

	     	            **     	     	                 	     	             It has emerged that 15% of the people who seek help about being forced into wedlock are men or boys.

 	     	            
 	     	             A man taken to Pakistan as a child and forcibly engaged to his five-year-old cousin has called for a men's refuge.

Foreign Office minister Meg Munn said authorities must talk to those affected to “listen to their experiences” and “learn directly from them”.

       	      	             She said: "Generally people expect men to be able to look after themselves, to manage situations, so men subject to domestic violence, men subject to forced marriage are likely to find it much, much more difficult."


 	     	             She added "there could well be" a need for a male shelter.

   	     	            
 	     	             The British High Commission in Pakistan said that the issue of boys and men being forced is a problem that it is aware of.

Spokesman Theepan Selparatnum said: "Sixty per cent of our case load is forced marriage work and between 10 to 15% of that are male.

“Our workload is increasing yearly and that’s probably attributed to increased publicity and increased knowledge of what we can do.”

**‘Abducted’ **

Imran Rehman, from Derby, said his family took some extreme measures to get him back in line when he resisted the marriage, explaining that he was abducted and taken to Pakistan.

 	     	             He said a relative shackled his legs together and he was imprisoned for 15 days.       	     	            
 	     	             Mr Rehman has now urged the government to take action.      	     	            


 	     	             "What I'm calling on the government to do would be set up a male refuge," he told BBC 5 Live.      	     	            


 	     	             He went on: "There are no male refuges at all for Asian men. We have 165 women's refuges. What about the men?      	     	            


 	     	             "We know it's happening, and I have a caseload of 36 men. We definitely require male refuge."      	     	            


 	     	             Dr Ghayasuddin Siddiqui, of the Muslim Parliament of Great Britain, told BBC Radio 5 Live a male refuge was a good idea.

“We have even heard of bounty hunters chasing people,” he said. “It exists, all these things, so I think people do need solid support.”

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

now thats funny lol

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

wow…its actually a really sad story when you see what happened to the guy :frowning:

Life devastated by forced marriage
**
The UK’s first male-only refuge for those who have been forced into marriage is being considered. One victim tells of the dramatic effect the experience had on his life - and how he has come through it. **

 	     	             When Imran Rehman was 10, he was taken to Pakistan and found himself in the middle of an enormous family party.

He remembers being told to sit next to a little girl in a fine dress. He did not understand why, but he and the little girl were, jointly, the centre of attention.
They were showered with money and presents and they had garlands cast around their necks.

Imran said: “I was just paying attention to the food and the money. I didn’t know what was happening. I just thought it was a party.”

It was not until five years later - the year he sat his O-levels - that he was shown a photograph of that celebration - and he finally understood its significance. It had been his own engagement party.

 	     	             The little girl was his five-year-old first cousin. She was also to be his wife - whether he liked it or not.

** Locked up **

“It made me feel sick, knowing that was my engagement. I went off the rails. I got into the wrong crowd, I got into fights, I got expelled from two schools,” he said.
To get him to behave, his parents took measures that many people might see as extreme.

They sent him to Pakistan, telling him it was so he could see the area where they had been born. For a while, he says, “it was nice to be on holiday”.

Then, one morning, he says, he was drugged, taken to a mosque in a deserted village, and imprisoned. Once there, he had shackles locked around his feet.

“I was kept in a room, locked up. I had to sleep like that. I even had to eat, go to the bath, toilet, shackled like that, for 15 days.”

** Emotional blackmail **

 	     	             With the help of friends, he was eventually able to find his way back to the UK.      	     	            
 	     	             When he got home, the only explanation he got from his family was it was his "rehabilitation".      	     	            
 	     	        

                                   

       	      	             The pressure continued, perhaps to a lesser degree, for years, until something happened that finally made up his mind up that he had to get married.

He said: “I was 24. I was working at Birmingham airport. I got a phone call to say one of my close relatives was extremely ill. I was the first person there, by their bedside. I said: ‘What can I do to help?’”

His poorly relative told him that if anything was to happen to her, it would be his fault, for not going to Pakistan to get married. He says he was emotionally blackmailed, and he felt that he had no choice.

 	     	             "So I went to Pakistan. I didn't want that on my head, you know," he said.

** Family disowned **

 	     	             He married his cousin. But the marriage only lasted a month before Imran told his family it was over.      	     	            


 	     	             He was told he had just two choices: "Stay with your wife, buy a house, have kids, live your life. Or get disowned."      	     	            


 	     	             "So I left home," he said.

It was the beginning of a seven-year severance from his family. He says he drifted from job to job, drank too much and struggled to deal with his trauma.

“My family had disowned me. I just thought: ‘I’ve got to stand on my own two feet and try and battle it out’. Which I couldn’t understand how to do.”

** ‘Stressed out’ **

He eventually found a support organisation called Karma Nirvana. At the time, this Derby-based self-help group was only for women.

But they realised, through their dealings with Imran, that men were also vulnerable to becoming victims of honour-based violence.

 	     	             Now, Imran works with Karma Nirvana as a support worker for men who suffer in the same way he did.      	     	            


 	     	             He says it is harder for men to seek help than women because men are not allowed to be open about their feelings.      	     	            
 	     	        

                                   

       	      	                 	     	             He said: "You're a man, you don't cry. If you cry, you're not supposed to show your tears. It really stressed me out.      	     	            


 	     	             "I knew there was no support for me to go anywhere. Now, there is support out there for men. I encourage men to come forward.      	     	            


 	     	             "What I tend to do is I tell my personal experiences to the men I work with, male victims. And believe me, they do open up."      	     	            


 	     	             Imran now supports 36 men who have been victims of forced marriage or honour-based violence.      	     	            


 	     	             He says helping them get over their problems is a way to help himself to stay positive.

“It makes me feel good, you know? I know I’m not alone any more. Before, when I was alone, I used to feel like I was the only man who was going through it,” he said.
Now he knows there are others who have gone through what he has been through. And he hopes they will all get the kind of support that will help keep them safe from their families.

       http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7224109.stm
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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

^ Oh boo freakin hoo. He didn’t have the balls to stand up before his wedding yet JUST a month later, he is able to dump his wife. Where was this courage before he went ahead and ruined a woman’s life? :nook:

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

i'd also like to hear the girls side of the story...he stood up on his feet and all.but what happened to hr?

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

poor girl
shattered ofcourse
she ll join in few days and share her part in few days i m sure in lifestyle section lol

Compromises..
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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

So if a woman had been forced into a marriage and escaped it after a month, would you be complaining about ruining the man’s life?

Sounds like you could be the poster child for sexism. It goes both ways you know.

It’s no wonder male rape and abuse is underreported, people like you excuse and even vilify the victims.

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

Apparently having a penis means you don't deserve sympathy?

As a woman, who is a staunch advocate for women's, and human rights, I find it appalling that not only is society so against women, it's against abused men as well.

It's no wonder this world has gone to hell. We don't care about anyone but ourselves anymore do we?

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

I would say the exact same thing if it were a woman who complained about being married because of **emotional blackmail. **The guy knew for a fact that this was his fate even though eh didn't like the idea, but he failed to take a stand and went through the entire wedding.

Just because someone cannot stand up to emotional blackmail beforehand, that does not give them a right to hurt their now-spouse. Once you are married, it is ones obligation to do every thing possible to make ti work. If we'd hear hte other side of the story, how his wife felt being dumped a month later (maybe she initiated it who knows) i'd change my opinion, but going by what is already stated in teh second article, i'm finding it hard to gather any sympathy for him. And I would say the exact same thing if the roles were switched.

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

its about time :hoonh:. i’m packing my bags and heading to UK. :chai:

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

I can't pack so quicklY!! Pehle bataa te :ASA:

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

its ok…u can ship them to me later. :emmy:

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

I have a million and one things to do before going to UK.. :teary2:

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

ur not going to UK…:asa:…i am. :@:

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

:balley:

Altaf Hussain called creation of Pakistan the biggest blunder
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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

You know what it was Sara, he was gay and only realised he loved his gay partner more then his wife.

Kya Kabhi??????????????????
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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

Uh… okay.

:@::chai:

Did you ever gate crashed a party ?
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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

someone mentioned male rape… that sounds funny :rotfl:

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

I hope he dies for breaking the poor girls heart just because of his ego, !@#$$%^& attitude and probably desire (like half of he jutt desis) to marry a white woman.

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Re: A Shelter for Male Victims of Forced Marriage?

^ eh?