A sad day in lahore

holy_moly · September 27, 2009, 9:01am

It’s my 5th day of my very first visit to Lahore.

I contacted a property dealer and went to see many apartments and got so many harsh feelings from people’s weird questions and comments. I’m feeling so sad and thinking if i have made a right decision coming to Pakistan.

All the apartment i was taken to, people kept on asking some weired and some very personal questions, and not knowing that i understand urdu they kept on saying very unwelcoming things, which made me extremly sad.

Who are you, where are you from? how old are you? single? muslim? what you doing here? why come to pakistan, why not go somewhere else? what you do? job? which company? what? where? why alone?.. and then they start making comments, which i pretend i don’t understand, but i actually do, and then i get very sad.

It’s just as simple as, my grandfather was from this land, my father never visited, and being a frequent traveller and having traveled half the globe, i decided i want to see my grandfather’s land and know these people, cause i always loved them, i feel i belong to them, i’m sinlge, i’m 27 year old, not a 12 year old, i don’t have a job so far, and that’s it…

I don’t know if it’s normal here, but i feel so unwelcomed, i thought i’d make many friends here but seems hard, i know and believe people are very nice here but they are so self centered, according to what i have seen so far, i think i’m an outsider or an intruder to them, even though i so want to be a part of them.

It’s sunday, and i didn’t go out, just sitting here sad, very very sad, so sad that i just cut my father’s phone, who is very worried for me being here.

Anyone reading this please take no offense. and Pakistanis please drop me a few kind words, i love you guys, i really do, i so want to be a part of you, mix in you, i hope you people can accept me.

I AM SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD…

redidentity · September 27, 2009, 9:29am

Re: A sad day in lahore

dear holy moly..

its not dat ppl are bad.. it is actually the culture dat has been artificially created in the big cities.. ppl are welcoming but at the same time they want to make it sure dat their belonging are not handed over to wrong hands.. as they might also get in trouble or questioned if, god forbids, a bad incident happens there in future..

u might be well aware that due to one reason or other, girls who are alone are always seen as suspect for being bad.. they may have fear about a girl’s, with no job, source of income.. n due to the culture created they will always assume worst possibilities.. i hope U understand..

We, Pakistanis, are good ppl.. very hostile, but circumstances our nation is going through is making them feel insecure..

of course, u are welcomed among us.. dont loose heart.. u will forsure find ppl who are kind..

Best of luck..

now cheer up..

Regards..

holy_moly · September 28, 2009, 1:19pm

Re: A sad day in lahore

Thanks redidentity!!!!
feeling much better, and trying to accept it the way it is.

Spock · September 28, 2009, 6:44pm

Re: A sad day in lahore

Dont worry, some people are just a little too inquisitive and ask too many questions, not that they mean any bad. Also, I think they have a little bit of a right to ask tenant all sorts of questions because unlike the US/UK etc they cant just check your background at the click of a button before letting you in their property... Dont lose heart.

Khumar · September 28, 2009, 6:50pm

Re: A sad day in lahore

It's the desi way. They want to ask a bajillion and 1 questions, for no reason. Well, the reason is ice-breaking. And the desi way is to do the taanay maaring, or being horribly sarcastic, but it's supposed to be all in good fun. Don't take the comments to heart. Instead learn from them, and how to deal with the situation. If you don't feel like giving out too many details about yourself, then don't. Tell them you're not comfortable. That's all.

zobia · September 28, 2009, 7:13pm

Re: A sad day in lahore

hm...dont get personal. they are insecure cuz there are many cases where tenants damage the property, or takeover the property.

you should understand the concept that Pakistan is a "Third world" or "Developing" country for a reason.

not only economically, but also politically and socially it is unstable.

dont tell them you are Bayrozgar (unemployed) cuz there are enough unemployed there. and its better to except as little from your relatives as possible.

Lafanter · September 28, 2009, 7:36pm

Re: A sad day in lahore

wow man, i wish i was in lahore, i would have taken u some where fun and introduced you to my friends.

Glamor · September 28, 2009, 7:51pm

Re: A sad day in lahore

are you not aware of the prevailing political conditions? i do not think these questions are so personal especially if you're a first time visitor & a stranger to them. people want to make sure they are not renting out to some scam or that you would be not a threat to their own security. i do not think those questions personal at all. you must put yourself in their position. they are just being careful which is a good thing especialy if it is a family you wish to share a house with.

holy_moly · September 29, 2009, 4:54am

Re: A sad day in lahore

Thanks guys!!!! I feel much better, you are right maybe this is just the way they talk, i'm just not used to it so felt bad.feeling much better after seeing all the kind comments. :)

SindSagar · September 29, 2009, 6:04am

Please do not take offense! but how come your Father let you go to Lahore alone/ by yourself? or are there some distant relatives that are there?

holy_moly · September 29, 2009, 8:37am

Re: A sad day in lahore

hahah.... sindsagar, you asked the same question as everyone else, but i'm not
taking anymore offense, i guess this is a cultural thing, i'm accepting it.

I too hope you people accept that i'm from the other part of the world, where daughters don't have to wait for thier father's permision to sit, stand, eat or sleep...
why wouldn't he? i'm not here to do anything wrong, i'm here to learn his father's culture.
I'm 27 and i have right to make my own decisions, maybe it's something very weird for you guys, anyway, it;s not for us. and i do have distant relatives here but since my father has no connections with them, i don't know them.

Khumar · September 29, 2009, 8:44am

Re: A sad day in lahore

ohhhh you’re a girl! ok yeah people get really curious when they see a 27 single girl, looking for apartments herself. again, it’s a lot to do with the culture. it’s not normal. really it isn’t. even if the girl is wearing short capri pants and sleeveless dresses, she is expected to have a kid in tow with a husband who deals with these people. i guess you’re learning about the bad sides of teh culture first hand right now.

i really would recommend keeping your business to yourself, and not really revealing any real personal information to others, no matter how curious they get. it’s just the way things are.

what else. i guess the only way i know how to make friends is to go out and work or attend school. to learn about the lahori culture, you really have to immerse yourself into the lifestyle there. it might not come gradually, but instead it might just throw itself at you. so just be prepared. and you’ll see it’s not that bad. just different.

Lafanter · September 29, 2009, 8:57am

Re: A sad day in lahore

ohh, u r a girl :@:

holy_moly · September 29, 2009, 9:02am

Re: A sad day in lahore

yeah, i'm a girl, maybe that's why i'm so unacceptable in this society, anyway, just want to say i'm from a good pathan family, i have lived a clean life and i'm not here to blow some places up.
just love this culture (which is lightly different abroad) feel a part of it and want to be a part of it.

system · September 29, 2009, 12:29pm

oh you are a girl then this kind of reaction is very well understandable.....our culture is like that specially if the girl is alone then people become highly inquisitive as it is not considered fine for a girl to live alone but don't take it as an offense... it's not that people are being mean or rude to you on purpose,they are just being over protective. i am sure you will get to meet very nice people soon.

Have fun:)

holy_moly · September 30, 2009, 4:27am

Re: A sad day in lahore

I think i understand what you guys are trying to say, but you see, my mother doesn't speak urdu or english, my father doesn't speak english and his urdu is not as good as well, and they are old so i didnt want them to come with me, even though my father so wanted to come.

Anyway, i hope to find some nice friends who aren't to curious about these things. :)

twinklystar_hp · September 30, 2009, 4:51am

nice topic! i was just skimming this forum (m a silent member) and saw ur topic.. umm after reading all the replies, i wud just say don't take it to heart...go out make a few friends...our culture is very friendly...but yes at certain times abt certain issues it can seem bit hostile - but liek someone above me said, people are just over protective.. and since the norm is for girls to either live with parents or with husband, seeing single girls living alone is kind of unusual for people in pak (despite the increasing focus on independence of women), which is why they ask so many questions...i'm not saying its wrong ..but its just not something every1 is used to - thus at times u may face these situations...best thing to do - let it all go..just learn from the situations.. :)

wish u best of luck:)

twinklystar_hp · September 30, 2009, 4:55am

@bold: curiosity abt these things i believe is one of the defining characteristics of our "desipana" winks LOL...

jokes aside, these r just the basic q's that arise in people's minds whenever they first interact with strangers...but yes once u get to know ppl, once u start making friends, then such things wudnt matter to them..:)

holy_moly · October 1, 2009, 10:00am

Re: A sad day in lahore

I recently got a job, i thought it's a nice way of making friends, but after the third day of my job i realized people seem to be a bit scared of me, well it could be because of my position in the company but anyway, now i have to find other ways of making friends, maybe joining a course....

Anyone knows of a good institute where i can take some short courses? my focus is drawing, designing (any) and learn to sew pakistani dresses.

mustanamalik · October 1, 2009, 10:18am

Re: A sad day in lahore

holy moly, i would suggest you keep low profile while in Pakistan. jealousy prevails in this society too much. for instance, your colleagues would be smiling and at the same time cutting you from behind. Same with family members. Be very very careful. never trust property dealers.