Most white girls would find a life where someone cooks for them and they don't have to pay bills and do chores and just give a geezer company incredibly great.
Not this white girl, or any white girl I know.
It's your MIL and husband's responsibility to worry about your FIL and his loneliness. It's seems they are outsourcing this job to you.
You are an adult. A married woman. You need to choose if you are ok with filling this role for your inlaws or not. That's the only power you have. Stay and deal with the ridiculous demands or leave and start a new life. While I hope your inlaws see the error of their ways and your husband matures- you have zero control over that.
My father in law doesn't let me cook. I am a business owner so I work while my husband is in office. My work is demanding and I work when I'm back as well. I don't have zero contribute to life. I am doing everything from making my husbands lunch to cleaning bedsheets. I don't cook because he thinks he's the masterchef.
My fil works here but part time. My mil lives there for green card but she doesn't want to come back and live with her husband as he's a difficult man to live with.
Yes of course they are trying to make me take the role of entertaining him so he doesn't feel the absence of mother in law not being here. She visits once a year for two months
Teerar is a bird..a small bird. Yes I told him ill have a bit of teetar and a bit of chicken but he didn't reply and said nahi Wohi kaho. Like me eating once what my mom made is a crime.
My mil is not coming back to Pakistan she has shifted to USA for good.
My husband barely gives my fil any company. My husband spends most of his time either with his mobile laptop friends. He does speak to his dad few time but he has a extremely strict dad and it's difficult to communicate to him but it's tougher for me to talk to him.
I tried cooking what I liked but no it has to be what he cooks. He mostly cooks beef mutton or prawns or vegetables.
I prefer eating chicken or daal.. Still majority of nights I eat whatever is cooked even if it's half roti. No one loses weight post wedding but I've lost 8 pounds..
**My fil cried when he was drunk **but everyone in America assumes I'm a horrible woman. My husband at that time told his mother that my wife has done nothing at all except for being nice. Yes my husband told me I have to seek permission for everything from my fil.
The new update is that last night I didn't speak to my husband. In the morning he spoke to his mom and told her that he's going out on the weekend so what should his wife do? Spend the weekend at her mom's or spend the 2 week day nights at her mom and weekend alone as fil is alone. She said she'll discuss with fil and tell.
I told my husband I'm not staying alone on the weekend.. So if hes lonely you should stay with your dad.. He got upset and said ok if you don't get permission for the weekend then I won't go out of station and hung up.
Why is he showing me attitude? Am I the dumping bag? An extra??
It's your MIL and husband's responsibility to worry about your FIL and his loneliness. It's seems they are outsourcing this job to you.
You are an adult. A married woman. You need to choose if you are ok with filling this role for your inlaws or not. That's the only power you have. Stay and deal with the ridiculous demands or leave and start a new life. While I hope your inlaws see the error of their ways and your husband matures- you have zero control over that.
Yeah I know someone white people like that also, my assistants mom was a druggie, doesn't work or do chores but still no one cooks for her. Her mom became homeless and asked my assistant to take her in but my assistant told her that she will have to cook and clean to earn her keep. Do you have a job, do housework do gardening or have hobbies? I am talking about life in the west for average people. Everyone is required to contribute. My kids had jobs at 14, are competing in sports and cook and clean. I don't think any sane man here will marry a whiner who has absolutely nothing to offer. For someone to loaf around and complain that they don't enjoy the food cooked for them is insane.
Yeah I know someone white people like that also, my assistants mom was a druggie, doesn't work or do chores but still no one cooks for her. Her mom became homeless and asked my assistant to take her in but my assistant told her that she will have to cook and clean to earn her keep. Do you have a job, do housework do gardening or have hobbies? I am talking about life in the west for average people. Everyone is required to contribute. My kids had jobs at 14, are competing in sports and cook and clean. I don't think any sane man here will marry a whiner who has absolutely nothing to offer. For someone to loaf around and complain that they don't enjoy the food cooked for them is insane.
Do you even read before posting? :S
OP said now, and even before, that she owns a business. Doesn't just sit around idle and gets home cooked meals. She also says that FIL does not let her cook - but she does everything else around the house.
Not sure why people on this forum are always so quick to mock others' misery. Fear Allah a little maybe.
OP - I've read your posts and while I do agree that you knew exactly what you were getting into - what's done is done. You have to have a serious conversation with your husband. You are not obliged to serve your FIL if the MIL has planned on separating from her husband because he's difficult to deal with. Your husband has to support you, back you up on this - he shouldn't be asking his mummy daddy whether his wife can go stay at their parents. I find this quite repulsive actually. He needs to either take charge and own up to his responsibilities - or well, you need to take some sort of action.
I would never let my husband ask his parents if I can go see my parents. That's not even Islamic. And technically isn't your FIL a na mehram for you? I'm not sure on these details but it doesn't make sense that the wife moves out to the US expecting the DIL to take care of her husband.
She doesn't even drive, and she has time to loaf around at mums place for days in a week, if fil is cooking for her then how is she looking after him. Does she own the house she lives in. My rule with my kids is my roof my rules. Honestly the whole bunch seem like losers` no heroes all villains.
If he cooks teetar for me I will keep him at my house. Just is an absolutely endearing gesture and I will give him a jhappi and chat with him and watch wrestling with him..his son is a pos. PM me I will arrange his papers.
We work so hard here, my colleague is eating spaghetti 4 days in a row even though she makes 150k and she is whining aout not eating teetar...ingrate
Yes I guess I didn't want to accept that I was getting into this.. But I had it coming all along.
I had a serious conversation with my husband. He agreed I'm right. He said uske hath mein kuch nahi hai because if anyone of you meet his dad you'll realise. I told my friend the situation and she then met him and she was like now I understand what you mean by dominating. It's like we r forced to eat food. Forced to do things. Etc.
So my husband says he'll try and tel his dad directly. In start of marriage he was telling directly but his family had issues and told him that I should tell or ask permission. Today after 3 months of marriage we r planning on going to a movie. Let's see how that goes
If my husband is unable to stand on his feet what do I do? Problem is we are both 25 that's a bit young for a guy plus the kind of dad he has even his 28 year brother can't do anything
Alireza.. Pos? Well I don't load around at my mom's place I work. Why do you men have a hard time believing that women too can work? I actually work extremely hard and earn as much as my husband. That doesn't come from loafing around the house now..does it?
We all have food preferences. I don't enjoy teetar ojri brain tongue etc. I enjoy pasta spaghetti pizza chicken ka salan daal roti.
So I'd happily eat spaghetti 4 times a week.
I really do feel for you. Your mother in law being there for only 2 months is so wrong, wether its for visa purposes or to get away from her husband. If she were there then I think you wouldn't have half these problems. But you knew this before you got married.
Only solution is as I said is to be patient and slowly increase going out more. Can you not go to your mums straight after work one day a week? then you wouldnt need to ask before leaving? And your husband needs to stick up for you.
You don't see this as your home and I don't think it can be because FIL rules the roost. Most working women are so busy when they come home, cookin, cleaning, ironing, tidying, that they don't have the time or need to go out, but this is not the case with you.
Alireza.. Pos? Well I don't load around at my mom's place I work. Why do you men have a hard time believing that women too can work? I actually work extremely hard and earn as much as my husband. That doesn't come from loafing around the house now..does it?
We all have food preferences. I don't enjoy teetar ojri brain tongue etc. I enjoy pasta spaghetti pizza chicken ka salan daal roti.
So I'd happily eat spaghetti 4 times a week.
,You have a choice to stay at your mothers house forever like all your other sisters do. What is preventing you from doing that? You live in a country where people are starving and you want to be a princess about food. If you are such a business woman, why do you not buy your own place? His place his rules.
It is very poor manners to not share food with people you live with. Is the house you live in owned by your husband or you think you can crap on the person whose roof you live under.
Your husband rather spends time with his friends rather than you, Is he actively avoiding you? and this marriage is only 3 months. Looks promising...I predict you will be spending most of your life at dear mums place.