Everytime I post…it ends up turning into criticism against me and everything I do. Why is this so? Okay there have been things in the past. They’re over and gone. Not much I can do.. But why constantly rub it on my face?
I feel like I can’t post here anymore because it just ends up making me feel worse. So just a question. No fights needed here please.
Re: A question from all of you.
get professional help rather than look for help here from ordinary folks. fair enough? :)
Re: A question from all of you.
Like go to a counselor? I'd love to. I have trouble getting out of the house and what to tell in laws.
Re: A question from all of you.
well, tell them you are going to meet a female friend or going shopping or whatever...just make an excuse.
Re: A question from all of you.
If you've followed my previous posts my in laws have an issue with me going out and plus I don't drive either. But yes if the visit is once a month or something I can manage it. I'll ask around for a counselor
Re: A question from all of you.
I don't think you are criticised. I think other posters are just giving you real life preactical advise from experience. Yes some can be a bit harsh but I seem to think its what you need to hear but you don't want to hear it and follow on the advice. You don't seem to be doing anything to help your situation and dont follow any advice.
On a forum like this you should be up for criticism or should i say listening to and following advice, you obviously haven't seen other forums on the net, they are down right harsh but most of the time it's the kick up the back s**e that people need to sort thing out themselves.
Re: A question from all of you.
After quickly scanning over your last thread for just a few seconds, I don't think there is any criticism, it is as I said before real life practical advice that you should follow, this is all from experienced posters. And is all genuine.
The advice about cutting back on social life and building your life with your husband is for your benefit not for anyone else.
Did you go visit your MIL? How did it go?
Anyway, what made you start a new thread? Has something happened?
Re: A question from all of you.
I would suggest to not take anything on the internet seriously. You vent your frustrations to people that don't even know you. Don't expect everyone to sympathise with you, or take your side.
Re: A question from all of you.
That's true I guess I'm just very sensitive and since I can't discuss anything in real world I look for support here. I agree it's real life advice and if in laws don't like me it's a bit late for that.. And they always pretend to be really nice to me apart from some occasions.
Anyway the trip to america was good my mil stayed very nice with me there was absolutely no discussion of this. She did a few times tell me about a relative of their whose fil abuses her but she's such a nice girl she still cares for him. I didn't say anything but is she preparing me to be abused? Because I have a lot of self respect.
Ever since I've been back I have only been out of the house once apart from working so things seem to be going fine.
You said they want me to build life with my husband.. That's not true because they don't like me going out with my husband either. My mil told me if my husband asks me to go out I should tell him no. Secondly my husbands friend is getting married and ever since we r back my husband isn't home ever night for 3 hours because he has to practice dance while I'm alone.. So it's not about building anything.
Right now we got back from office and he has his friends over for gaming. On the weekend he's going out of station and I have to ask my father in law if I can go to my parents house or stay alone here. ( There's one male servant here and my father in law apart from my husband so I'm actually totally alone here.)
Re: A question from all of you.
Why ask FIL? Just tell my husband and go. He can inform his father, let him handle his father.
Re: A question from all of you.
As Lusi said.
Totally unreasonable for you to stay there without your husband. Esp since there will be no other female there. Let your husband handle it.
At my inlaws when the husband isn't there then DILs go home even though my MIL is there, don't have a FIL. It's just how it works in their family.
Re: A question from all of you.
In start of my marriage I went after asking my husband because he told me his approval is enough. Later his dad made a huge scene ( which is mentioned in previous posts and he even cried) that I don't give him respect and don't ask him.
So you see my situation is very sucky.
I'm thinking of moving out of Pakistan. The plus side if being here is that I get to meet my family. But this is outrageous. Today I was all alone for 4 hours..but I'm told to stay home and I can't go for the night to my mom's.
Honestly I'm sick of this.. Is marriage like this for everyone? Are all in laws this unfair?
They're not cruel to me in other terms like i can eat what I like..don't have to cook and all.. But I'm not azad.. I have to ask for everything. I have to do as his father says.
Today at dinner I bought chicken salin from home my mom made it for me.. My fil insisted I have teerar which I don't like so I told him ill eat chicken salin bohot dil hai khane ka esp banwaya hai. He said mein naraz ho jaounga agar nahi khaya tum mera banaya khana nahi khati. I told him I eat everyday. ( I eat things I've never eaten because of him and one day I wanna eat what my mom made and this?)
Am I over reacting?
Re: A question from all of you.
Will you and your husband move out of Pakistan?
Re: A question from all of you.
Maybe he is just trying to look after you by indistinguishable eat what is made. But I'm very fussy with my food and wouldn't be able to handle this, insisting ur at something u don't like is crossing a line for me. Btw, what is terrar?
May be you should start doing the cooking. So you can cook and eat what you want.
Your husband really needs to stick up for you, your whole situation is quite weird with your MIL not being there, when is she back? I think your FIL is just frustrated of being on his own all the time and having no company, do you blame him? Your husband really needs to give his father some time and your MIL should be with her husband, end of! And do try to be patient with him and not let everything get to you. At least you go out to work.
Let the friends wedding finish then make sure your husband spends quality time with you too, and of he wants to take you out, just tell FIL or should I say let hubby tell him or ask him if need be.
Re: A question from all of you.
In start of my marriage I went after asking my husband because he told me his approval is enough. Later his dad made a huge scene ( which is mentioned in previous posts and he even cried) that I don't give him respect and don't ask him. So you see my situation is very sucky.
I understand your FIL threw a tantrum and cried. What was your husband's reaction so this? Did your husband specifically tell you that you cannot leave the home without obtainin FIL's permission?
Today at dinner I bought chicken salin from home my mom made it for me.. My fil insisted I have teerar which I don't like so I told him ill eat chicken salin bohot dil hai khane ka esp banwaya hai. Am I over reacting?
What is teerar? And is there is a reason why you could not take a some chicken salin AND tiny bit of teerar? Why do you have to pick one? Based on what you wrote, your FIL did not forbid you to eat the chicken salin. FIL wanted you to eat what he cooked. Why not take a tiny bit of what he cooked AND the chicken salin?
Re: A question from all of you.
I actually see love hidden behind your fil's words. He likes you. Dont worry about other tjinfs. He maybe lonely since his wife isnt here.
Re: A question from all of you.
Teerar is a bird..a small bird. Yes I told him ill have a bit of teetar and a bit of chicken but he didn't reply and said nahi Wohi kaho. Like me eating once what my mom made is a crime.
My mil is not coming back to Pakistan she has shifted to USA for good.
My husband barely gives my fil any company. My husband spends most of his time either with his mobile laptop friends. He does speak to his dad few time but he has a extremely strict dad and it's difficult to communicate to him but it's tougher for me to talk to him.
I tried cooking what I liked but no it has to be what he cooks. He mostly cooks beef mutton or prawns or vegetables.
I prefer eating chicken or daal.. Still majority of nights I eat whatever is cooked even if it's half roti. No one loses weight post wedding but I've lost 8 pounds..
My fil cried when he was drunk but everyone in America assumes I'm a horrible woman. My husband at that time told his mother that my wife has done nothing at all except for being nice. Yes my husband told me I have to seek permission for everything from my fil.
The new update is that last night I didn't speak to my husband. In the morning he spoke to his mom and told her that he's going out on the weekend so what should his wife do? Spend the weekend at her mom's or spend the 2 week day nights at her mom and weekend alone as fil is alone. She said she'll discuss with fil and tell.
I told my husband I'm not staying alone on the weekend.. So if hes lonely you should stay with your dad.. He got upset and said ok if you don't get permission for the weekend then I won't go out of station and hung up.
Why is he showing me attitude? Am I the dumping bag? An extra??
Re: A question from all of you.
Your husband seems quite immature himself. Behaving like a teenager instead of a married man. As for you, I would strongly advise you to sometimes stay back at home and sometimes ask your husband if you could go to your parents' house. Don't leave the house each time your husband does. I find it quite odd that your FIL is the one who does all the cooking. You might want to cook too, sometimes. Why doesn't your FIL join his wife in the U. S.? I find it strange he did not go to meet his wife when you were visiting her.
Re: A question from all of you.
Sometimes her father in law cooks for her, sometimes her mother does, she has such a horrible life because she doesn't get to lay around at her mother's house and instead has to sometimes lay around at father in laws house. If someone cooked teetar for me I would sit down and talk to him. Most girls I know have demanding jobs, work out cook clean maintain a car, even shovel and do gardening and have hobbies and social lives. Hard for me to understand a person who does not do housework and doesn't have a job. Tell me how it feels to have zero contribution to life? Most white girls would find a life where someone cooks for them and they don't have to pay bills and do chores and just give a geezer company incredibly great.
Re: A question from all of you.
why is it such a big deal for you to be alone for a few hours?
you complain about your fil needing company, yet you are the same way. if you know you will be alone for a little while, you start itching to be with your family, or with others. why? It's okay to spend alone time with yourself too, you know.. get a hobby