About an hour ago i got this serious shocker of a news and quiet honestly i have no idea how to respond to this. We have these family friends that we know for the past 10 years now, khair they have 3 daughters and a son, khair i have been really good friends with the older daughter and she pretty much knew everything about me infact she was on good terms with my X as well, n e ways so after the breakup when i was in dubai we started being in touch regularly and i came back to canada and we occasionally started meeting up and talking, n e ways being a DESI i started kinda liking her and one fine day over a year ago i told her my feelings for her and the response was a nice rejection infact i found out that she likes somebody, that was said and done and we continued being friends and to be honest it felt like nothing happened, i mean i was a bit upset initially but everything was fine and nothing went sour between us, now around 3 weeks ago we were invited over to their place for dinner and apparently at that party my dad asked for her hand for me without telling me or consulting me and apparently her parents really like me and want her to marry me and thus are pressurizing her, now that i just found out from my mom i am now realising that she hasnt been in touch with me lately, and i thought it is holiday season and she would be bzz with …
Now my problem is should i call her and clear it before i go out and refuse it totally so that she can be with who she likes, but that would ruin our family relationship, on the other hand if i dont say anything will that make her feel that i had somin to do with this and even if somehow she says yes she might hate me for life assuming it was my mastermind.
P.S even though i had nothing to do in this for some reason just knowing that her parents accept me and have been really excited at the prospect of me being their son in law it makes me really happy.
About an hour ago i got this serious shocker of a news and quiet honestly i have no idea how to respond to this. We have these family friends that we know for the past 10 years now, khair they have 3 daughters and a son, khair i have been really good friends with the older daughter and she pretty much knew everything about me infact she was on good terms with my X as well, n e ways so after the breakup when i was in dubai we started being in touch regularly and i came back to canada and we occasionally started meeting up and talking, n e ways being a DESI i started kinda liking her and one fine day over a year ago i told her my feelings for her and the response was a nice rejection infact i found out that she likes somebody, that was said and done and we continued being friends and to be honest it felt like nothing happened, i mean i was a bit upset initially but everything was fine and nothing went sour between us, now around 3 weeks ago we were invited over to their place for dinner and apparently at that party my dad asked for her hand for me without telling me or consulting me and apparently her parents really like me and want her to marry me and thus are pressurizing her, now that i just found out from my mom i am now realising that she hasnt been in touch with me lately, and i thought it is holiday season and she would be bzz with .......
Now my problem is should i call her and clear it before i go out and refuse it totally so that she can be with who she likes, but that would ruin our family relationship, on the other hand if i dont say anything will that make her feel that i had somin to do with this and even if somehow she says yes she might hate me for life assuming it was my mastermind.
P.S even though i had nothing to do in this for some reason just knowing that her parents accept me and have been really excited at the prospect of me being their son in law it makes me really happy.
So she refused over a year ago.
How do you know if she will still refuse you?
She might have changed her mind now is what I mean.
her opinion does count and you need to make sure what is her feelings now.
Oh i see, you wrote they are pressurizing her.
Is that for a fact?
if so then leave her alone. Let her make decision without pressure.
If not for a fact then you need to proceed and inquire. Your dad did put you in difficult situation without consulting you I respectfully say.
yaar i have no idea wat to do, deep down i dunno why i feel she is going to refuse and if i talk to her and if she does, obviously as a girl i dont want her to take the blame and thus i will take the blame and refuse cuz i really like her as a friend and dont want her to be harmed, but that will cause rifts between our families (either way they are going to be) but on the other hand she will hate me for life if i dont talk to her and she will assume i did all this on purpose.
Saala hamesha mein hee aisee cheezon mein kiun phansta hoon, why do i have to make a tough choice always, I quit :k:
welll, nobody likes to be a second choice , but if i look at it well i have a past as well and this girl is really nice but then again i have no idea, i am so damn confused, at the time i confessed my feelings for her i did not know she was seeing someone but when i did i deleted this khayal altogather from my database and now after over a year it comes yet again. Saalee qismat
firstly, why would it ruin the family relations? geez
abay yaar its just some of the negative things that are coming to mind, i am looking at the worst case scenario, nothing else has happened yet, but my brain is racing at 160mph with nothing but negative thoughts and scenarios and i am so nervous and confused.
Talk to her and tell her how you were not involved in any of the discussions, however you wish to remain good friends and don't want want this to ruin your future friendship.
Tell her to be honest with you about how she feels about this whole set up as it involves both your future lives.
If she says she's not interested, then respect her decision.
First of all my friend, you are taking this family relation thingy too far.
It is your life you need to worry about.
Also you will not ‘protect’ her from anything if take the blame. That is nice and sweet but can create other complications. What if you had to tell the truth down the road?
Let her refuse so things are clear. You could help her better if she refuses since this way her dignity will not be hurt.
If she does refuse, so what? That’s not the only girl in the world and why fear asking her? Worst thing she will refuse. You go your merry ways she goes to her. Life goes on. Why worry for something which is not going to be yours anyway.
Thanks for the advise guys, i will probably give her a call and see how it goes. Baaqi Allah maalik.
Paijee buddy your responses make me laugh but then again they are correct and i appreciate that. Obviously i will not bluntly refuse her just cuz she refused because she was with someone else
Hummm, maybe she has not received/read your messages as of yet.
One should not make big decisions on such vague and uncertain events.
Perhaps get a clear message from may be other sources as well.
Just make sure she does not feel smothered/pressured from you, so don’t leave any other messages or e-mail.
Also it depends what exactly you said in your messages. If you were vague, then she might not have felt them so important to return you the call. In that case you can call back.
I called her around 2-3 times since morning and sent her an email last night after the thread discussion, khair i am not doing anything for a couple of days anyways probably after new years as i dont wanna spoil it for other ppl, lekin if she doesnt respond i take it as a rejection and thats it, I am not desperate, yet i will be happy if she says yes or whateva cuz i know who and how she is. Khair i am not thinking about this anymore, infact i am not thinking about shaadi/relationship at all for a while, that book is now kept aside and will not be opened for a while. I am tired of being a joke to ppl :k:
“fall in love” wow, khair …
buddy your responses make me laugh but then again they are correct and i appreciate that. Obviously i will not bluntly refuse her just cuz she refused because she was with someone else 