I'm in one. I've been in one for almost two years now and I couldn't be happier. The only reason it's still long distance is because I'm still studying. We both know how long it'll realistically take before we get married and that's because we've both been honest and open with each other from the outset.
If you know for sure that you want to get married to this person regardless of what life throws at you... it'll work. It's not easy, but it's not exactly difficult either.
Finally, all I can say to everyone's cynicism here is that I'm glad I didn't ask people here for advice two years ago...
You're an adult. You know yourself the best here. You know what you're capable of emotionally as well as financially in this case. This is all new and fresh, I believe. Why so much "hoo haa" already?
Just because people are giving you "lecture" (lack of better word) about what can possibly go wrong and warning you against getting your hopes up, you feel they are being cynical? Why? After all, they are somehow just preparing you for what you may not be seeing right now?
PS. IMO, long distance is not everyones cup of tea.
Yeah I'm shocked at the cynicism too. I was in a long distance relationship. He was in the U.S and me in Canada. We knew two months in that we wanted to get married and were engaged within 4 months. It's rather ridiculous to assume that if you don't meet up 'once a month' it won't work. Says who?? Also my husband was the one who would visit me as I wasn't allowed to go visit him on my own. I just went once with my family to visit him and his family in the U.S. We got married two years later since I had to finish school and were in touch mainly through phone and talked 2-3 times during the day. In spite of it being long distance he was my best friend and we knew each and everything about each other.
I say go for it!! Give it a try. If the sincerity and honesty is there, it will definitely work. I'm surprised to see how negative people are coz it's hard to find a good match these days and limiting yourself to your town or city only further hinders any chance of finding the right person.
I dunno ... But if you feel you want it to work ... Then ask yourself are you prepared to give up everything to make it work? Such as live with him on his terms? If no, then tell him your minimum requirements and if he can meet them then you have a winner.
But Canada/America is really close... UK and Canada isn't.
I'm sorry but you shouldn't just get all hyped up because its hard you should look at it more realistically
I dunno ... But if you feel you want it to work ... Then ask yourself are you prepared to give up everything to make it work? Such as live with him on his terms? If no, then tell him your minimum requirements and if he can meet them then you have a winner.
It's a long distance relationship. Why are you assuming he's going to be a dictator and she needs to live on his terms only? Of course compromise is a part of every relationship and I don't think long distance requires a lot more compromise than usual.
Inspiron the only thing you really really need to check up on is where you guys will settle if you do get married. It's very hard for foreign medical graduates to practice in Canada as opposed to the U.S where they are very much welcomed. You need to see if you'll be able to practise in Canada or not. I know I had to look into that before committing coz some states in the U.S. do not readily accept my degree whereas some do. I was lucky because my husband was in a state that did accept my qualifications.
But Canada/America is really close... UK and Canada isn't.
I'm sorry but you shouldn't just get all hyped up because its hard you should look at it more realistically
We weren't that close that he could just visit for the weekend. He had a really busy schedule so could only come see me once every 3-4 months.
It's a long distance relationship. Why are you assuming he's going to be a dictator and she needs to live on his terms only? Of course compromise is a part of every relationship and I don't think long distance requires a lot more compromise than usual.
Inspiron the only thing you really really need to check up on is where you guys will settle if you do get married. It's very hard for foreign medical graduates to practice in Canada as opposed to the U.S where they are very much welcomed. You need to see if you'll be able to practise in Canada or not. I know I had to look into that before committing coz some states in the U.S. do not readily accept my degree whereas some do. I was lucky because my husband was in a state that did accept my qualifications.
She would be she studied in UK.
Although its early you should think about where you would live inlaws/no inlwas, children, work, food, same religious views/morals.
He might be a great guy or a psycho you never know ;p
It's rather ridiculous to assume that if you don't meet up 'once a month' it won't work. Says who??
^Agree. It sounds like a one-size-fits-all formula. I'm glad that Stoppit made that point as well. It's not necessary, there are ways to work around a situation and its limitations.
It's a long distance relationship. Why are you assuming he's going to be a dictator and she needs to live on his terms only? Of course compromise is a part of every relationship and I don't think long distance requires a lot more compromise than usual.
Inspiron the only thing you really really need to check up on is where you guys will settle if you do get married. It's very hard for foreign medical graduates to practice in Canada as opposed to the U.S where they are very much welcomed. You need to see if you'll be able to practise in Canada or not. I know I had to look into that before committing coz some states in the U.S. do not readily accept my degree whereas some do. I was lucky because my husband was in a state that did accept my qualifications.
It's called the acid test cherryontop ... It's not supposed to be realistic ... It is a way to gauge mentally that if the conditions were so one sided would you still want it to work? If yes, then the chances are that even if the relationship is only slightly more onerous for her she can still make it work ... You get it?
It's called the acid test cherryontop ... It's not supposed to be realistic ... It is a way to gauge mentally that if the conditions were so one sided would you still want it to work? If yes, then the chances are that even if the relationship is only slightly more onerous for her she can still make it work ... You get it?
But that's with every relationship. They require just as much commitment. Why single out long distance ones?
i'm with what meri wali said on this one. We have been in a long dist. for almost two years now and I must say that I'm as happy as I'll ever be. I think it has a lot to do with the kind of people we are and the kind of expectations we have with each other based on the fact that it is long distance.
It also helps that we were realistic about things and setting expectations up front about where this is going and how long it'll take and what is our preferred way to go about dealing with parents and families and sorting things important things out like that.
Obviously there have been times where things would have been a hell of a lot easier if it wasn't a long distance relationship but honestly if you know in your mind that this is the person you wanna end up with then you find a way to work things out.
I don't think its all cynicism on this site as I have comments by posters who I know have been in long distance relationship and marriage after who are posting questions and concerns as advices that these are the things that you should think through in the begining because they would come up later on. Its better if you sort them out right now rather than later. Apart from that my advice would be that you should work out how frequently can you guys afford to travel (money, vacation and parental permission) without much of an issue with both families.
But that's with every relationship. They require just as much commitment. Why single out long distance ones?
Yes the acid test is universal ... Long distance is not a benefit in a relationship, the OP recognises this ... But I am simply saying "ask yourself ...'do I really want it?' and if so then even if you have to go to mars and back you will make it work"
It's a long distance relationship. Why are you assuming he's going to be a dictator and she needs to live on his terms only? Of course compromise is a part of every relationship and I don't think long distance requires a lot more compromise than usual.
Inspiron the only thing you really really need to check up on is where you guys will settle if you do get married. It's very hard for foreign medical graduates to practice in Canada as opposed to the U.S where they are very much welcomed. You need to see if you'll be able to practise in Canada or not. I know I had to look into that before committing coz some states in the U.S. do not readily accept my degree whereas some do. I was lucky because my husband was in a state that did accept my qualifications.
I don't think that is what he is saying. I take it to mean that either one decides that they will go along with the other person's future plans or lay their basic desires out on the table. This should happen in any kind of relationship in which two people are seeing marriage as the end point. The compromise comes in if the desires for the future turn out to be different.
Like the location issue is exactly this. Either she is okay living where ever she decides, whether it turns out to be good for her or not. Otherwise, she needs to make her wishes clear now. One of the first things I told my now husband is that I see myself living in the UK unless there is an exceptional circumstance not to. I was not, at that time, okay with living in Pakistan or USA which he was considering for specialisation.
And the rest as kakee pointed out... these are points to iron out although they seem perhaps too involved at this stage.
“You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.”
To make a relationship work you can become everything the other person wants in a partner, but the risk is that you will feel hard done ... Likewise they may work hard to becoming everything you need or want in a partner and that will be a strain on them ... The idea is to strike a balance where both parties decide to sacrifice as much as possible for each other and that breeds the grounds for a successful relationship.