I actually met the person and got to know them pretty well i saw him everyday I was in canada, I started liking him but didnt say anything then on the day I left he expressed his feelings for me, he knows my background very well and my past and I know his past.
He saw me in the morning without makeup and dressed up for the shaadi.
We are committed and want to make this work.
The long distance bit is the hard bit though. Thats what I want advice on.
I feel uncofortable opening up on here for some reason as its early days and I REALLY want this to work, like badly.
(paheli will reply shortly :) )
although my reply isn't required I'll reply anyway
Well its hard to be in a relationship like that really especially if you are going to be living so far away although I'm being repetitive and probably going to be ignored. You have to be able to make time for each other and be able to be comfortable to with the fact that you two have separate lives/timezones so you might not be able to talk often and even if you didn't talk one or two days its fine.
I have a few friends who made boyfriends and are still in relationship after a year of being apart they talk on the phone send messages etc and keep the romance alive.
you don't want to be like an old couple before you get married you know?
Also, assuming this works out...how often do you plan on seeing each other? Realistically, how often can he fly to UK and how often can you fly to Canada? How old is he?
Unless you guys can meet up at least once a month, it is going to become an “online” thing.
what is “pretty well”?
why did he wait until the very last day to express his feelings for you when you were here for so long? why didn’t he make the most of the time that you had together and step up earlier so that you could seriously make some progress on the potential relationship?
How do you become “committed” in just one day…or one week for that matter?
Really wanting something to work tends to blind us…be careful that you are making decisions for the right reasons…
Lol... everybody is talking as if LDR is a total flop concept. Ok it fails most of the times but every single person on the planet is different from others. The best you can do is to start with positive and realistic set of expectations. But remember, even if you have serious plans to make LDR a SDR at the end, be ready for many ups and downs.
now that's not fair..... you asked for opinions and now that you are getting them you are calling us cynical.
unfortunately LDRs are known to be a challenge and only the very, very dedicated are able to make a go of it......that too with a great deal of effort, patience and tolerance.
why does anyone else being cynical have any impact on your level of hope?
A long distance courtship leading to marriage can work, a long-distance relationship is a whole other story.
If you and the guy are committed to exploring whether you're compatible and whether your feelings are strong enough to make a commitment, then I say make an effort. BUT, you two need to be up front about a whole lotta issues:
what's the end goal (dating, engagement, marriage)
what's the timeline for making a decision (a few months or years)
Through the course of navigating the get-to-know-each-other bit, you guys have to talk about values, lifestyles, religion/religious practice, geographical location, professional ambitions and commitments and families. As far as how to make it work - telephone calls, texts, skype and definitely meeting again if possible are all ways of progressing in this relationship.
I'd give it a chance, but the key is to be honest with him and to demand honesty from him. If it's meant to be, it will be!
you missed the part where she said that they are already committed to each other......in other words....the courting is done.
she just wants to know how to make it work/successful.
Keeping an open mind and open communication is key.
Understanding where you both stand and how you both feel through out the process is very important.
I feel, trust is one of the hardest traits to keep steady. It’s very easy at first because you have no reason not to, but leaving questions unasked or letting things go because, for example, you feel like it’s not worth it.
I’m just speaking of ideas and ways that worked for me or that I found usefull.
You can do your best to make it work, only if you have a clear goal of what you want to achieve. I am sorry I did not read the whole thread, and maybe you already mentioned what u want out of this relationship, but do share if you did not.
I want you to have hope.....but that hope also should be realistic. LDR relationship isn't that much different from "real life" relationship. You always need open/direct communication, same goals, mutual respect etc. Just like "seeing" someone who lived in the same city as you....with this Canada guy, don't drive him insane with constant text message/emails etc. Find the fine line between compromise and actually changing who you are.
The challenge in LDR relationship is that you're only talking to that person on the phone or chatting with them. As in you may not always see them at their worse or their true self. It's very easy to edit our words or hide our true emotions over the phone or online. Personally, I couldn't marry someone just based on phone/online interactions. I would need to spend time with them in person to make sure that we get along in real-life just as much as we get along over the phone/internet.
You just returned from your vacation to things with this guy is still at the very initial "honeymoon" stage. Right now just take things slowly, continue to keep in touch through e-mail, chats, Skype. Do NOT get too emotionally attached right now. And yes, I also strongly urge you and him to make plans to see each other if this is going to be a serious thing. The 1st few times you meet is always going to be intense and full of sparks. See how committed both of you feel a month or two from now, and how strong the sparks are the next time you meet in person.
And both of you need to mutually agree on a timeline as to when you will decide whether or not this is leading to marriage. Don't spend months and months getting to "know each other" without a decision.......ESPECIALLY if you're planning on stopping your rishta search while exploring this option.
how to make it work to make the end goal of engagement leading to marriage can be achieved to the best of my ability and to know that I tried my best.
Just because you like someone and think they're right for you (and it's mutual), until you two make an ACTUAL commitment, there is no commitment. Inspi, not to rain on your parade, but until you two are engaged, nikkah-fied or married, it's difficult to call this a committed relationship (and I speak from personal experience).
This is leading to engagement and marriage inshAllah. We have both openly discussed that and that as our mutual aim.
We just need time to learn a little more about eachother over a few months.
I just need to try my best to make it work, I dont want to mess it up with silly mistakes or turning into a psycho.
Again, all of my earlier points still stand. You need to have an actual timeline by which date you guys will decide how to make your relationship official because until you do, backing out and walking away is always an option.
