my shia brother in islam anil khan…i dont know why u took this so personally!
first of all i do NOT plan to seperate a guy from his parents that is why i said i will dump any guy that picks mummy over me. i even mentioned a couple of times before i want a guy that isnt too attached to his parents. so u see im not changing anything…im filling the quota of those desi guys that dont plan to live with their parents in the first place.
about me getting old no way in hell would i want my sons to slug around in my house after they’re married…hell no..get out and be a man and learn what life’s all about. thats why im investing 30% of my income in 401k from NOW! so that i can retire when im about 50-60 and chill, i wont be making parathas for a son but travelling in europe with a chanel bag and retro shoes and my hands will always be manicured!
so u see… u might think it doesnt go well with pakistani traditions but overall its not being unfair to anyone is it?
Going a bit off topic, but this is what causes rivalry between mother-in-laws, daughter-in-laws, wives and husbands ... the whole concept of "you took my son away", "my son is no longer mine", or even "you are taking me away from my mother". Yes, even when living in the *same *house, it can happen. Jealousy. Rivalry. Bitterness. A tense environment. Hota hai, not always of course, but there are cases.
I guess people, generally speaking here before I get jumped all over, need to stop looking at a marriage as "taking" someone away. Assuming that you expect a happy household in a joint family system.
Anyway, yes, we all have to get old one day. Regardless of where your kids live, if you raise them right, they will always be there for you when you need them most and that doesn't mean only kids who live with their parents after marriage ;) .
Secondly, and I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t sound very motherly to say “Get the hell out” to your son. Perhaps its the pre-motherhood in you thats talking; once you have a child, you may see things differently.
Finally, all those sons who forget about their parents are, according to me, na-mard. All their namazes (if they even pray) and good deeds will be thrown back in their faces. One of the biggest Gunnah in islam (after shirik) is the isolation of parents.
You seem to have life all planned out, and I hope it turns out that way for you but keep in mind that you don’t know what tomorrow (figuretively speaking) brings.
I guess people, generally speaking here before I get jumped all over, need to stop looking at a marriage as "taking" someone away. Assuming that you expect a happy household in a joint family system.
Anyway, yes, we all have to get old one day. Regardless of where your kids live, if you raise them right, they will always be there for you when you need them most and that doesn't mean only kids who live with their parents after marriage ;) .
Notice, what I've bolded, are quotes from only MIL's and nothing from the DIL's point of view. It shows your bias Mehnaz bibi.
And yes, if the son is away or moves out after marriage, the chances are very slim of the son taking his old mother in if/when she becomes unable to walk or to eat or to do anything (Khuda na karay).
Anil you need to stop taking things so literally. You can only preach so much. I would advise that you do not get riled up on every other post on GS. Alot of things people say here are jokingly. And even if someone doesnt get the point are involved in some wrong doing, you can remind them once or twice but what they do after that is between them and Allah. Its not on us to judge anyone.
And yes, if the son is away or moves out after marriage, the chances are very slim of the son taking his old mother in if/when she becomes unable to walk or to eat or to do anything (Khuda na karay).
Anil, you mentioned the whole concept of a wife taking the husband away from his mother. I am pretty sure you missed my point altogether, which was, if people carry on with this mindset of "taking away" the son/husband/mother, then you are going to have some serious problems.
I agree with Ira. You should try not take things so literally. She was just teasing, and again, teasing some more in this thread, which you, again, took very literally and seriously.
^ You keep saying she's "teasing", how do you know? Unless you and her are one person there is no way of knowing. From her post, it seems to me she's dead serious.
The decision to live in a seperate house should be the Husband's choice.
For someone who thinks they know a lot about Islam, you sure don't know much. A woman has the Islamic right to demand a separate living space from the in-laws. Justifiably, because it can prevent/minimize fights.
To the OP, how about a balanced view? Either people are on one extreme here or the other. I don't think its reasonable to demand your husband to never speak to his family or see them. But I don't think its UNreasonable to ask that your husband take his head out of his mother's behind.
As long as everyone is being reasonable and fair, no woman should ask a man to give up his mother. Likewise, no man should ask a woman to give up her parents for him.
To the OP, how about a balanced view? Either people are on one extreme here or the other. I don't think its reasonable to demand your husband to never speak to his family or see them. But I don't think its UNreasonable to ask that your husband take his head out of his mother's behind.
Lol thanks for making me feel like I know alot about islam, even though I never gave it much thought :D
Remember, your old age will come also and your sons will not look after you (Khuda na karay) if you separate your husband from his parents.
I don't expect a lot of reponses to this thread; Please just read it, understand it, and apply it to your now and future life. You'll be happy, Allah (swt) will be happy, and your ackhrat will be saved.
well mr anil i agree with u exactly we girls should respect our parent in law
akhir they gave borth to our husband lol
i also use to hate when my friends would say i would live separet from my
in laws i am gonan separate my husband from hiis mum and dad and i am
gonna make my husband work in kitchen
soemtiems our paksitani girls act like gori which is being weirdo
[quote=Anil Khan]
I get so frustrated when I read things from the females on GS like "I’ll ask the guy, ‘pick one: me or your mommy’ " . How can you even think about separating a son from a mother? \quote]
hahahahhaha separating a son from his mother??? what are you a mamaa’'s boy…grow up man…you are already 20 aren’t you? Isn’t what a girl doing also…leaving her mother and father behind to come and live with you? at least she has guts…you don’t even have that…tsk tsk
No husband or wife has the right to ask the other to choose between him/her and the spouse's parents. That is beyond callous and incredibly immature. There shouldn't be nearly as much jealousy as there is between MILs and DILs. After all, if you love your mother in exactly the same way you love your wife, you're loving someone the wrong way :).
That said, a man needs to be able to find an equitable balance between his wife and family if there are problems. In Islam, everyone has rights over you, and it is your responsibility to balance those rights according to the laws of Allah. In Pakistan and India, sometimes the wife is seen as someone who is replacable, and an "outsider" to the family. In the Quran Allah says that your spouses are like garments to you. Nothing is closer to you than the clothes that you wear, but that does not change the fact that your mother gave birth to you and has more rights over you. A man must find an equitable relationship between the two, and encourage them to love each other, for both him and the sake of Allah.
Isn’t what a girl doing also…leaving her mother and father behind to come and live with you? at least she has guts…you don’t even have that…tsk tsk