I get so frustrated when I read things from the females on GS like "I’ll ask the guy, ‘pick one: me or your mommy’ " . How can you even think about separating a son from a mother? Don’t forget, you all are going to be mothers too and if 20-25 years from now a girl asks your SON the same question how would you feel? Trust me, if you act like a daughter with your in-laws and treat them as your parents, the love and respect that your husband has for you will DOUBLE. By having love for your inlaws you’ll get rewards in this life and in ackhrat.
Remember, your old age will come also and your sons will not look after you (Khuda na karay) if you separate your husband from his parents.
I don’t expect a lot of reponses to this thread; Please just read it, understand it, and apply it to your now and future life. You’ll be happy, Allah (swt) will be happy, and your ackhrat will be saved.
Having three sons and an understanding of desi culture, I do understand what you're saying. I also quite like the idea that my sons would always be with me!! AND that I will have a say in choosing the wife!
But in the majority of the world (or maybe I should say the western world? not sure) anyway, the majority of men leave home and make their own way in the world and they are the providers for their wife and children. This is seen (westernly) as the manly thing to do and if a son is still living with his parents beyond the age of 26 or so, eyebrows begin to raise and the term "mama's boy" starts to be used. The guy starts to lose his ability to attract a mate, even perhaps lose male friends who are out on their own.
I think desi guys are getting more heat on this subject because like it or not, western ways are making their way into the eastern world. The desi guys typically dont complain about eastern ways because the culture and traditions favor the guys so much. Desi gals are liking some of the things they see in western ways and traditions because its typically more balanced.
NOT that I am saying that I think one or the other is better ok??? This is just my two cents on the issue.
Alhumduiallah, my inlaws are great people..they're not perfect and not what i had dreamed but nevertheless still cool. They are practising muslims so that alone certainly reduces the desi drama...which goes on in desi families. I believe if we all follow are duties as muslims we wouldnt have such problems, the wife knows her responsiblities, mother-in law is aware of her responsibilies- ideal situation.
However, i dont buy "treat your mil as your mother"...where does in Quran does it say that? its all cultural, and the theory is totally flawed and unislamic. Islam, puts mothers in a unique place..even your own dad's love cannot be matched by mothers. So how can some other person (all the sudden) thinks they are going to get the same respect and love that i have for my mom?
Its not to say, i do not love her or respect her. I think highly of her as a women and she has raised Mashallah great sons.
I love my soon to be MIL, but just because I won’t live in her house (if she lived wit her kids) after we marry doesn’t mean I think she’s a horrible person..
Here’s a message to the fellas: jsut coz a girl doesnt’ want to live with your parents doesnt mean she hates them or thinks less of them or wants to break any bond.
I was stating my opinion,what i feel about the situation. Sure, you can be great human, i never said non muslims cannot have good relations with inlaws. But since, majority here is muslim i thought it would make sense to look at this from islamic point of view.
oh now i see where it is comming from...well all i gota say is, its unfortuate you haven't met any good muslim..because if u had, you would not be associating suicide bombers, terrorists with good practising muslims...
