A man's advice to potential brides:The Nikahnama

[hazaronkhwahishen]

Re: A man’s advice to potential brides:The Nikahnama

Insaaniyat, I’m glad you are doing this. We need more men like you in our communities. Yes, women also need to make an effort in researching and becoming more inquisitive, as to what are their God given rights.

[hazaronkhwahishen]

Re: A man’s advice to potential brides:The Nikahnama

What’s alarming is that we have very few muslimahs actually responding. Let’s hear more from the sisters, please.

[ekumunng]

Re: A man’s advice to potential brides:The Nikahnama

Indeed, it should be a trend that sticks within all circumstances, which leads us to the question as to “Why isn’t is the current trend?” Women and men should have an equal approach to divorce.

Lack of awareness in the society.

Khula is expensive but is also a very lengthy process. The woman is required to present her case in front of a court, and they make the decision as to whether she can acquire the divorce. However, the man can simply utter a few words, and receive the divorce. This is a stumbling block for many women out there. The Quran outlines the divorce process very simply, yet does not promote this injustice at all.

Balanced approach is required, any partner who is not satisfied with the marriage should be able to terminate it. There is a saying that everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler.

We need to change the laws first. We need to restudy the laws and make sure what we’re doing is correct. The laws are the basis for our behavior down the road.

My view is that our social behavior are the basis of our laws and more importantly their implementation and interpretation.

Indeed, he can make that particular oath within the contract. The rationale being that polygamy is not something that women are compelled to live. Please find the verses in the Quran that say that accepting polygamy is a mandate on women. Where does it say that men can behave as they please, with total disregard for their wife’s lifestyle of choice? The verse revolving around polygamy deals with assisting and caring for orphans. Please read Chapter 4 again.

Again I do NOT say that women need to accept polygamy of their husbands or bad behavior. All I am saying is that by putting up too many clauses and preconditions on the assumption that husband will deviate in the future is not a good way.

Often men are not polygamous these days because of laws that prevent them from being so. Polygamy can lead to major financial hardships and strains in family relations, if the idea was not planned out carefully with full cooperation from all parties.

Judging by what I hear, observe in my life and read on this forum, no sane man will go for another marriage. When nowadays it is impossible for a man to keep his wife and his mother at good terms who in his right mind will venture in to another marriage.

Polyandry is forbidden. We are to be called upon by our father’s name. Polyandry makes this quite difficult, as a result, it is forbidden in the Quran.

I know this, I was being sarcastic with all those statistics… 60%… boy I’m doomed.

Bad things happen, yes. However, it’s better to be proactive than reactive in life. We still need to plan and set up realistic expectations of one another when going into a marriage. Are you a woman? If you are a man, then you have nothing to fear, as your wife will never resort to polygamy. It’s forbidden. However, if you are a woman, then, the potential for polygamy to enter your life is possible. Stipulations are important within a marriage contract. They provide a road map and parameters for your marriage. This why they have been embraced from the very beginning of Islamic scholarship. Are you going to ride in a car? Wear a seat belt. You increase your chances of surviving the crash. This is mandated in most developed countries. Proactive as opposed to Reactive.

There is an extent to which you can plan in advance for any matter. Seat belts might increase the chance but it does not give guarantee and I think that in these matters people are mostly looking for guarantees. But may be that’s just my experience.

[hazaronkhwahishen]

Re: A man’s advice to potential brides:The Nikahnama

[QUOTEThere is an extent to which you can plan in advance for any matter. Seat belts might increase the chance but it does not give guarantee and I think that in these matters people are mostly looking for guarantees. But may be that’s just my experience.]

[/QUOTE]

I suppose some people look for guarantees because they live in societies where they are conditioned and compelled to think that they are obligated to accept their circumstances as a religious obligation. In societies, where both genders are afforded sound equality in regard to education, occupation, marriage, divorce, and etc—we will see that the need for such stipulations will begin to disappear. However, much of our Ummah has a lot of work to do, in ensuring that we achieve these goals, inshAllah.