Re: "A man who doesn't love his mother can never love his wife"
phrase should be "a man who loves his mom TOO much, can NEVER love his wife!"
Does that means a person who had step mom would get a STEP wife??
no Allah compensates so the person will get a non step wife ( I don't know what that means)
phrase should be "a man who loves his mom TOO much, can NEVER love his wife!"
ha ha ha - good one Afro!
Re: "A man who doesn't love his mother can never love his wife"
not true. I dont love my mother because of what she did to us but I love my wife.
I've heard this phrase many times. It has different perspectives. Please share what you understand of it.
Totally wrong i know this guy he hates his mom is in trance love with his wife!
A man CANNOT love his mother and wife in the same way because the two relationships are so very different from one another. Either of the roles (mother and wife) cannot be replaced with the other. Nor can the roles be compared.
And that's a concept that MANY mothers-in-law don't seem to understand. The issue is not only confined to Desi MILS and includes other races as well. However, when you read the numerous threads on toxic in-laws in the Life/Relationships forum........it just seems like an epidemic in the desi culture.
As far as the question of this thread is concerned: A guy's love for his mom includes the BASIC foundation of** RESPECT*. The quality is a fundamental requirement in **ALL* relationships. And if a guy can show RESPECT **to his mom and sister.............then he will hopefully also show basic respect to **OTHER women as well. However, keep in mind that there are exceptions to the generalization. For example, a guy's mom and sisters might be evil and dysfunctional. He may choose to maintain a safe but respectable distance from them. In this scenario........the generalization may not apply.
Re: "A man who doesn't love his mother can never love his wife"
I guess the issue is not about loving them in SAME WAY or cant be same coz they are playing two different roles, but its more about habit of respecting a woman who plays major role in his life. If a guy respects his mom coz she is his mother and he understands her rights on him, then most prolly he will realise his wife's rights too. Its all about understanding one person's position in your life and to give her that with honor what she deserves.
From what i have learnt from my lil life experience and observation, i feel for a man these two ladies can either make his life or destroy it.
I've heard this phrase many times. It has different perspectives. Please share what you understand of it.
True
Why do some women worry or become insecured when a guy loves/ respect his mom and wants his wife to do the same?
Do they worry that the husband won't be balance in the relationship?
I know there are horrible stories where the bride is humiliated to even burnt by the in-laws, but it is not a common practice.
So, what is the issue?
Wife maamta nahin dey sakti.. so how can he love them the same?
Why do some women worry or become insecured when a guy loves/ respect his mom and wants his wife to do the same?
Do they worry that the husband won't be balance in the relationship?
I know there are horrible stories where the bride is humiliated to even burnt by the in-laws, but it is not a common practice.
So, what is the issue?
Extreme measures such as burning the bride are not the ONLY indication of abuse at the hands of in-laws. Abuse has many forms. Sometimes the subtlest but REPETITIVE abuse can be very damaging to a person's health.
Often times........when the son is not around.......his mom takes verbal jabs at the daughter-in-law. AND YES......I do know that there are 2 sides to the story and that in some situations the DIL could be the guilty one. But verbal jabs are in themselves a form of oppression. They fall under emotional and psychological abuse which is often times more painful than the scars inflicted from physical abuse. Why don't you check out the recently created thread, "Need Help Regarding In-Laws"......and after reading this thread you might come to the conclusion that there are 2 sides to the story............however........you will also realize the mind games that in-laws sometimes resort to. The poster of this "Help Regarding In-laws Thread" is fortunate in the sense that her fiance was able to catch his parents' transgressions and is aware of what they're capable of doing. However many DILS are unable to prove the abuse to their husbands because it takes place when he's not around.
Re: "A man who doesn't love his mother can never love his wife"
true..
Extreme measures such as burning the bride are not the ONLY indication of abuse at the hands of in-laws. Abuse has many forms. Sometimes the subtlest but REPETITIVE abuse can be very damaging to a person's health.
Often times........when the son is not around.......his mom takes verbal jabs at the daughter-in-law. AND YES......I do know that there are 2 sides to the story and that in some situations the DIL could be the guilty one. But verbal jabs are in themselves a form of oppression. They fall under emotional and psychological abuse which is often times more painful than the scars inflicted from physical abuse. Why don't you check out the recently created thread, "Need Help Regarding In-Laws"......and after reading this thread you might come to the conclusion that there are 2 sides to the story............however........you will also realize the mind games that in-laws sometimes resort to. The poster of this "Help Regarding In-laws Thread" is fortunate in the sense that her fiance was able to catch his parents' transgressions and is aware of what they're capable of doing. However many DILS are unable to prove the abuse to their husbands because it takes place when he's not around.
Verbal jabs...well you get verbal jabs from ur parents, friends and spouse but I don't see a hoopla about it...that case from the thread is rare...
Relationships are not perfect, it takes time, patience and maturity to handle them. So, what is the issue?
Verbal jabs...well you get verbal jabs from ur parents, friends and spouse but I don't see a hoopla about it...that case from the thread is rare...
Relationships are not perfect, it takes time, patience and maturity to handle them. So, what is the issue?
The bond that you share with your parents can't be compared to the relationship one shares with their in-laws. By making the above weak argument, you have failed to take into account the frequency, intensity, and content of those verbal jabs.
One might experience occasional light-hearted or sarcastic verbal jabs from parents and friends........but there are many women who experience such negative behavior CONSISTENTLY and FREQUENTLY.........and that's when you have a problem.....FREQUENT abuse is a an issue. There's a limit to everything..........even verbal jabs/disrespect. And verbal abuse is WRONG.....no matter if it is done by parents/friends or in-laws. Our religion does not condone it. One shouldn't dismiss or justify verbal abuse by saying that "So? Parents and friends do it too. Yeah man, everybody does it. All the kids are doing it. What's the big deal? It's no big deal." ** Bottom line: **What is wrong is WRONG!
And nobody is denying that relationships involve maturity and patience. They do! But it needs to be RECIPROCATED by BOTH PARTIES. RESPECT in ANY relationship needs to be MUTUAL. It is very difficult to maintain a relationship where one party is always the one to show respect and tolerance and the other part constantly trangresses its limits. There is such a thing as boundaries in a relationship.
You said why can't a wife respect her mother-in-law. It goes BOTH ways. It's a two way street. The mother-in-law should also respect the wife. If you feel that wife becomes insecure at the idea that her husband can't balance his love for mom and her. Then KEEP IN MIND........that many MILS also become insecure at the thought that the son will replace his mother with his wife.
The issue is that there should be mutual respect. It's unreasonable and unfair to only demand this from the wife.
Re: "A man who doesn't love his mother can never love his wife"
mera bhi yehee khiyal hai ..lakin baz dafa aisa nahi hota ...
mera bhi yehee khiyal hai ..lakin baz dafa aisa nahi hota ...
Agreed... balky aksar esa nahi hota
The bond that you share with your parents can't be compared to the relationship one shares with their in-laws. By making the above weak argument, you have failed to take into account the frequency, intensity, and content of those verbal jabs.
Since when I am comparing the two relationships? Either way, they both should be respected in the same regard.
[quote]
One might experience occasional light-hearted or sarcastic verbal jabs from parents and friends........but there are many women who experience such negative behavior CONSISTENTLY and FREQUENTLY.........and that's when you have a problem.....FREQUENT abuse is a an issue. There's a limit to everything..........even verbal jabs/disrespect. And verbal abuse is WRONG.....no matter if it is done by parents/friends or in-laws. Our religion does not condone it. One shouldn't dismiss or justify verbal abuse by saying that "So? Parents and friends do it too. Yeah man, everybody does it. All the kids are doing it. What's the big deal? It's no big deal." ** Bottom line: **What is wrong is WRONG!
And nobody is denying that relationships involve maturity and patience. They do! But it needs to be RECIPROCATED by BOTH PARTIES. RESPECT in ANY relationship needs to be MUTUAL. It is very difficult to maintain a relationship where one party is always the one to show respect and tolerance and the other part constantly trangresses its limits. There is such a thing as boundaries in a relationship.
You said why can't a wife respect her mother-in-law. It goes BOTH ways. It's a two way street. The mother-in-law should also respect the wife. If you feel that wife becomes insecure at the idea that her husband can't balance his love for mom and her. Then KEEP IN MIND........that many MILS also become insecure at the thought that the son will replace his mother with his wife.
The issue is that there should be mutual respect. It's unreasonable and unfair to only demand this from the wife.
[/QUOTE]
You make too many assumptions or stating the obvious. Ofcourse, mutual respect is the way to go. Everyone who is an adult knows bullying and it exists in every relationship. On the other hand, there are many women who do not respect their in-laws, don't care for them...or understand their needs.
Why there is an assumption that if a guy loves his mother than his mother or in-laws will be rude to his wife?
Since when I am comparing the two relationships? Either way, they both should be respected in the same regard.
You make too many assumptions or stating the obvious. Ofcourse, mutual respect is the way to go. Everyone who is an adult knows bullying and it exists in every relationship. On the other hand, there are many women who do not respect their in-laws, don't care for them...or understand their needs.
Why there is an assumption that if a guy loves his mother than his mother or in-laws will be rude to his wife?
Nobody has said that "if a guy loves his mother than his mother or in-laws will be rude to his wife." At least I haven't said that anywhere, nor have I implied it. THAT is a false ASSUMPTION on YOUR part.
The "obvious" was stated in an attempt to address the over simplified "why do women get upset when a guy wants his wife to respect his mom" issue. There could be various reasons for this.
Re: "A man who doesn't love his mother can never love his wife"
Freud would have a field day with this!
One of my friends always said that if you love your wife in the same way that you love your mother, you're loving someone the wrong way :)
Nobody has said that "if a guy loves his mother than his mother or in-laws will be rude to his wife." At least I haven't said that anywhere, nor have I implied it. THAT is a false ASSUMPTION on YOUR part.
The "obvious" was stated in an attempt to address the over simplified "why do women get upset when a guy wants his wife to respect his mom" issue. There could be various reasons for this.
you are more focused in winning the conversation than discussing the topic.
ok. you win i loose....i was wrong... thank you for ur perspective.