A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

[_Passionate]

Re: A guy’s take on tea trolley meetings…

@Mehnaz

If samosas were being served, would the potential groom actually eat it or would he fear how he would look if he dropped crumbs all over his clothes and on the floor, leaving a bad impression …?

Personally, no I wouldn’t judge him. Just like I would not judge the girl who spills the chai.

And honestly, who here thinks that a man will judged for dropping his samosa on his shirt? Not many I am sure. I think the rpoblem would be if he dropped it on the floor and then picked it up and ate it

[ZareenKhan]

Re: A guy’s take on tea trolley meetings…

@STA

but chai pani is most dignified method to display sister for potential rishta. now serving tea is another topic. this practice is no longer in practice now.

What i am saying is that this whole rishta meetings are already kinda odd especially for the girl who is gonna be viewed down from top to bottom by the whole family so why make it more difficult for her by demanding that she serves the family too?!

Thank God alot of families nowadays don’t go through this method to look for prospects for their children! Alot are relying on their family/friends to suggest possible matches and then take it from there instead of just showing up in some strangers home and hoping to be treated with a nice meal and all the khatir tuwaza! :halo:

[_Passionate]

Re: A guy’s take on tea trolley meetings…

@Sehrysh

See, now I’m curious about whether the tea trolley meetings still happen

Can we put up a poll asking whether girls have been introduced to a prospective in a tea/dinner setting and ask the same of guys - have the guys met girls in the tea/dinner at the girl’s home?

I can’t remember…it’s been a while since I actually let a rishta make it to the house

I think I did serve chai once or twice but I think I made my sister pour it lol

[Sehrysh]

Re: A guy’s take on tea trolley meetings…

@redvelvet

I was never made to that. Allah ka shukar…my parents are cool in that regard. I’m such a klutz.

@_Passionate

I can’t remember…it’s been a while since I actually let a rishta make it to the house

I think I did serve chai once or twice but I think I made my sister pour it lol

The usual routine in our home was that the sister who was not being introduced served the tea, just to avoid the awkwardness. But in a few recent rishta meetings, I did serve the tea. Disclaimer: I had met the guy before and was on pretty comfortable terms with the guy, but was meeting his parents for the first time. For me, it was less a “rishta meeting” and more two families having a meal together and I actually didn’t feel self conscious.

[STA]

Re: A guy’s take on tea trolley meetings…

@ZareenKhan

What i am saying is that this whole rishta meetings are already kinda odd especially for the girl who is gonna be viewed down from top to bottom by the whole family so why make it more difficult for her by demanding that she serves the family too?!

Thank God alot of families nowadays don’t go through this method to look for prospects for their children! Alot are relying on their family/friends to suggest possible matches and then take it from there instead of just showing up in some strangers home and hoping to be treated with a nice meal and all the khatir tuwaza! :halo:

ok ok. so we are now on same page. i agree this whole rishta process is tedious (specially for girls). it is really hard for parents to display their daughters to strangers but many time those strangers were referred by family friends.

i believe it is ok if girl is previously seen by one of the family member of boy, and both families have also done initial investigation.

[STA]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

The usual routine in our home was that the sister who was not being introduced served the tea, just to avoid the awkwardness. But in a few recent rishta meetings, I did serve the tea. Disclaimer: I had met the guy before and was on pretty comfortable terms with the guy, but was meeting his parents for the first time. For me, it was less a "rishta meeting" and more two families having a meal together and I actually didn't feel self conscious.

then what was the end result(baat pakki)?

[Sehrysh]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

then what was the end result(baat pakki)?

Aap kitnay bholay hain. Nope, still footloose and fancy-free!

[Exodus]

Re: A guy’s take on tea trolley meetings…

@Sehrysh

Most girls hate having to serve tea during rishta meetings because it creates an awkward situation, but guys what is your take on meeting a girl over a cup of tea served in the presence of family members? Good, not good? Please explain.

Sweetly good, in my honestest of opinions.

I mean, I get to at least see (if not talk to) the lady for the 1st time ever. Something is always better than nothing in my books.

p.s. In case there are samosaays being served (especially aloo key) I’d ask ami/behen to ask the tea server to go fetch me a plate as well, so I could keep them crumbs from ruining a perfectly poised evening. This way, I get to see her twice. Profitable situation I say!

[Mehnaz]

Re: A guy’s take on tea trolley meetings…

@_Passionate

Personally, no I wouldn’t judge him. Just like I would not judge the girl who spills the chai.

And honestly, who here thinks that a man will judged for dropping his samosa on his shirt? Not many I am sure. I think the rpoblem would be if he dropped it on the floor and then picked it up and ate it

I was just being silly.

[STA]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

Aap kitnay bholay hain. Nope, still footloose and fancy-free!

next time, you should not need to fill table with lawazmat.

[STA]

Re: A guy’s take on tea trolley meetings…

@Exodus

Sweetly good, in my honestest of opinions.

I mean, I get to at least see (if not talk to) the lady for the 1st time ever. Something is always better than nothing in my books.

p.s. In case there are samosaays being served (especially aloo key) I’d ask ami/behen to ask the tea server to go fetch me a plate as well, so I could keep them crumbs from ruining a perfectly poised evening. This way, I get to see her twice. Profitable situation I say!

i dont know how you enjoy whole chai thing. but for me it was weird situation. if you did not like gals, but still hath saaf karing on food.

[Exodus]

Re: A guy’s take on tea trolley meetings…

@STA

i dont know how you enjoy whole chai thing. but for me it was weird situation. if you did not like gals, but still hath saaf karing on food.

STA bhai. I’ve never actually been in a similar situation or much rather been involved within the arranged setting of things, hence I don’t seriously think I was speaking from experience up there. From the way I see it, I’d much rather pick and choose, and equally provide an opportunity for her to do the same before we decide on spending the rest of our lives together.

[Mad_Hatter]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

Two of my sisters have done the tea giving thingy, but the situations were completely different. One was when the guy's side came to meet my family formally at my house, and they wanted to meet my sister so she just went in with the tea and sat down and talked. Cos it wasn't an arranged rishta it was quite relaxed and less stressful.

In the case of my other sister, she's had to do this more than once cos she's been going through the arranged marriage route, so when the guy and his mum have come round, she has to go in (not necessarily with tea every time though) and sit with them and stuff.

I dunno, it's a halal way to do things, but it's still very awkward. My sister (the second one) really, really hated it. She found it very embarassing and demeaning

:(

[TLK]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

I think the problem is her having to serve the chai. It's an awkward situation as it is, and then you are making someone serve you chai. What if you are extremely nervous and you spill the chai? There goes the rishta! Dhang se chai bhi nahin daalni aati. Know what I mean? It kinda takes all the dignity out of the situation in a way.

you can have your nose dripping on your first date too. Any oddity could make any dignified situation awkward.

you speculate too much

[_Passionate]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

you can have your nose dripping on your first date too. Any oddity could make any dignified situation awkward.

you speculate too much

Actually, you are the one speculating. Besides, when it is a one on one date, you are only being judged by one person. And the one person that actually matters. In the tea trolly situation, you are being judged by an entire family.

Also, wouldn't it be better if you just argue about the point being made here instead of picking on me speculating or not? Ugh such a pet peeve of mine when people decide to "speculate" about the person making the point rather than the point itself.

[redvelvet]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

Not justifying the tea parade. I hate all apsects of the rishta business. But if one's fear is the judgement of the SO's family.....you'll never escape it. Whether or not you serve the tea...and even after you marry him....you will continue to be judged.

[partyslims]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

Not justifying the tea parade. I hate all apsects of the rishta business. But if one's fear is judgement by your SO's family.....you'll never escape it. Whether or not you serve the tea...and even after you marry him....you will continue to be judged.

Itna cynical? :(

[redvelvet]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

Itna cynical? :(

No, i don't think it's me being cynical, as I didn't type the above response with any feeling of bitterness. I'm just saying that the feared judgement can/will take place even without the tea/trolley business.

[_Passionate]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

Not justifying the tea parade. I hate all apsects of the rishta business. But if one's fear is the judgement of the SO's family.....you'll never escape it. Whether or not you serve the tea...and even after you marry him....you will continue to be judged.

I don't think it is the FEAR of being judged. You'll be judged no matter what. It's just a very weird, humiliating situation that many girls have to go through. Obviously, not everyone feels humiliated and for some it works out the very first time and they never have to do it again. But to say that
you shouldn't feel like anyone is juding you or feel nervous or humiliated is quite against human nature.

[partyslims]

Re: A guy's take on tea trolley meetings...

No, i don't think it's me being cynical, as I didn't type the above response with any feeling of bitterness. I'm just saying that the feared judgement can/will take place even without the tea/trolley business.

Okay. I'll make a cuppa for you then and you can judge if it's too weak/strong not sweet/too sweet etc. :-/