A guy's perspective about love marriages ...

[TLK]

@njgal

Moms are way too emotional.

My DAD gave me a key to our house in Michigan which I still carry in my key chain and said “Don’t listen to your mom, this will always be your home” I love him. He told you never have to ring the doorbell like a guest - just walk in.

Moms are not emotional, I think they are more practical. Your mom came from a diff family into your dads family so she knows what it means when you give away your daughter. Your dad never went through that experience so he cant relate to the fact that he gave you away and now you are part of another family ..

@Stork

TLK we’ll be going in to a never ending discussion on how messed up our society is. I’ve seen folks constantly repeat the following two points here:

1. It’s not the girls responsibility to take care of the guy’s parents
2. It’s the guy’s duty to provide for his wife and take care of his parents

Considering that most Pakistanis are working class, how would you model this arrangement? It’s not possible for some to maintain two separate households, one for the wife and the other for his parents. Even if he manages to do so, there would be constant resentment from both sides that their ‘haq’ is being infringed upon.

So many assumptions are being made here before we go in to these ‘islamic’ statements that folks here are tooting. What are the assumptions?

1. **The parents have enough savings to live a nice retired life: **
   Not the case, most desi parents do not have enough saved for their retirment. I will further and say if the girls parents can’t support themselves, the guy should offer to support them too to ease his wife’s pain. No where in Islam does it say that a guy should support his wife’s parents but it is what society encourages us to do. ‘The Paki culture’ is not always ugly.

2) The guy is going to make enough money to support two separate households ~ there are other siblings that will pitch in:
Again, maybe he is the only son or he doesn’t make enough money to support two separate households? What in this case?

3) The Parents can take care of themselves:
What if they’re old an infirm. What if one of them has passed away and the other was totally dependant upon them? Are we just going to say ‘tuff luck’ and let them be? Nursing home perhaps.

I don’t have an answer to all these questions. All I can say is that every situation is different and there can’t be a cookie cutter approach. I am fully supportive of women who have had it with their husbands becuase the husband/MIL/FIL/SIL have been abusive etc. However, realistically, in most cases a slight compromise from all parties does resolve the problem overtime. The individuals concerned just have to be sane.

Stork, I think that it would be wise if girl and her family do the homework before tying the knot. They should be aware of the guy’s liabilities and responsibilities that he may have (especially the financial ones that you pointed out).

On the other hand, the guy and his family should also not over promise and under deliver. Many o times, it was promised to the bride’s family that ‘hum to aap kee beti ko sar ka taaj banaa ke rukhkhain gai’ but after marriage, they dont walk the talk.

@kaun

okay ppl, lets not get personal here.

a guy shared his experience here so that others (new to the marriage scenario or going to get married) could learn something from it, he and his wife went through the rough patch and now are happy and for your kind information together for a long time, so please no assumptions or cussing. Know your facts before commenting or atleast read the whole thread.

TLK :k:

Pir Sahab (X2) we need you here

Kaun bhai, thanks .. but just to clarify, it was not a rough rough kind of patch. we were in love with each other even then but still, the adjustment took some effort.