a gud daughter in law....

[Reha]

Re: a gud daughter in law…

@redvelvet

Agree. Several of the female posters…when they read threads regarding in-laws issues…suggest strategies like compromise, patience, looking at things from the other perspective, communicating in a calm manner, and trying to be the bigger person. Most of them don’t RUSH to advise the poster to be nasty to their in-laws and seek revenge. And several of them don’t RUSH to advise divorce…and if so…it’s listed as a last resort…where all efforts to save the marriage have been exhausted and it is still dysfunctional beyond repair. It’s like the guys here ( few of them) seem to ignore that…and take one little thing/comment…such as the very simple FACT that your in-laws ARE NOT on the SAME EXACT LEVEL as your parents…which is also supported by Islam…and twist it into the view that a woman who understands this (and can manage to respect her in-laws…but keep her expectations reasonable)…is “too maadran/liberal/feminist.” I respect my Taya, Chacha, Mamoo, Khala. I respect them even when they don’t treat me right. But in the back of my mind…I KNOW…that they would never treat me exactly the same as their own kids…and these are BLOOD RELATIVES. If my parents were to die tomorrow…I can have the expectation that they can and will treat me the same as my own parents…and get hurt when I learn that they can’t…or I can continue to give them the respect that I’ve been taught to give my elders…but understand that that sort of love can only come from my own parents and no other person can parallel that.

Just because the word “in-law” also includes “mother” and “father”…doesn’t equate them to one’s actual parents. “Like” ain’t the same as “is.” Saas/Sasur maa baap jaisay hain…is not a reality…it’s not a fact…not supported by religion…it’s an IDEA.

Thats all there is to it.