a gud daughter in law....

[diwana]

Re: a gud daughter in law…

@paliz654654

reha wats wrong with ur opinion is that u should bring an angel from skies to do best & bear worst & expect nothing!

one side u say in-laws r not ur parents then how u expect a DIL feel them as her own parents?

any & every relation is both side…even love rather wat some ppl say in romance mood is all abt give & take if not that doesnt mean love that u do all & one side do the worst then after a year or two or more u will fed up…wat u say is only in Allah’s love that bear all of our bad deeds & still care us but no human beings can bear…even Prophets of allah’s tala used to do bad dua when ppl were teasing too much or start fighting so means no one cant do best & bear worst!

cuz u marry doesnt mean u r nothing & in-laws respect r main thing cuz they r hubby’s parents & with a feeling dont expect them cuz they r not ur own!
in my own idea any ppl in world it want be anyone(expect blood parents) will deserve respect as she gives u…needs care as he cares u…
sometimes may balance will change for a while ,like im not always too much good but in a long time balanace should be there atleast 60-40 or 70-30 less than that wont keep a relation healthy cuz one side will fed up & it will be over!

IN-laws r as human as a DIL is…elders need respect its else doesnt mean watever they do we say ok u r elder even if they r wrong…for small issues its ok but always & ever u cant do it…
if u can then im surprised for whole life???

Good points.

@redvelvet

Oh gosh…

Respect is earned. But we don’t live in a perfect world. **You can respect someone…and still be treated like sh$t by them.
**
Nobody is saying that one shouldn’t respect their in-laws. But one should have reasonable expectations/umeedain. It can’t be denied (and…this will make a “whoosh” sound)…that there is a difference or a faraq between your actual maa/baap…and people who are “maa/baap jaisay.” The dynamics are different…(another whoosh).

Aa Gaeen Aap? Khair Mubarak!

Anyhow, I did not expect anything good from you. You are so predictable.’

Absolutely wrong there.

You do good for doing good.

One cannot generalize and be paranoid like these days unmarried women are for their future in-laws.

Try not to instigate or instill negativity.

You say respect is earned, fine… then why not say the good treatment for DIL from in laws should be earned also? She should also work for it. Goes both ways!
**
Besides, if one cannot expect good from people then one should not even try to expect bad for no real reason.**

No wonder why I had to make fun of/question so called Oscar awards! Sorry shak!

@Reha

Hunh? You need to read my posts carefully.
**
Inlaws will never be your own parents.** That is a fact. My mother and father did all the work, they get the credit.

My MIL gets respect, care, attention and whatever support she needs from us. Thats enough. Do I expect anything in return? No. Do I expect her to say thanks? No. Do I expect her to buy me gold for my wedding? No. Do I care? No. I did my best, the rest is in Allah’s hands.

When you go to your parents’ home and do something good or bad…you dont think twice about it because its your parents’ home. They will love you even if you turned green, grew purple hair and had fangs. Even when we do things that hurt them, they forgive us. Your mother and father are the only people in the world with that capability. No one else possesses it. And because of that, no one else deserves their darja in your life.

When you go to your inlaws’ home…I dont understand why people think it might be the same. Inlaws already had their kids, you think they were looking for more when they married you to their son? If you screw up every single day, do you think your MIL will brush it to the side saying “chalo koi baat nahin, beti hai meri…ghaltiyan yahan nahin karegi to aur kahan karegi”. No way. She will say “beta, apni ammi se kaho ke tumko dhang ki roti banana sikha dein”…with a smile of course because after all…vo to bilkul maan jaisi hein na.

There is a difference that should be noted so we dont set ourselves up for failure. Your expectations from your inlaws need to be realistic otherwise you are in for a very rough ride.

No one said they are your parents literally. But they are your lover’s/husband’s parents and have same level as your parents.

I am appalled to see your comment in giving your friends more credibility than the parents of your husband. Come on.

@NomiCA

so if we extend this logic a bit further…

and what about expectations from your spouse??

you can respect him, do all things as required, be nice, be obedient…but do not expect much from him… now if you do that…wouldn’t your married life be better too?

i mean, if you don’t much expect much from your husband, you wouldn’t have much to complain about too…

do you agree?

Good point there.

@Reha

Wrong.

First things first…women are not obedient. They dont go to obedience school like a puppy. They go to the same colleges and universities you do and work in the same jobs you possess. They earn as much and are now possessing higher degrees than men.

Second, because inlaws dont have any responsibility towards me nor I towards them. Its not mandated anywhere that they be good to me or vice versa. Its something people do out of the goodness of their hearts. Plus paying two mortgages can be expensive.

My husband and I do have responsibilities as well as rights over each other. The people I should have expectations from are my parents, husband, children, best friends, etc. If its required that I be a good wife, its also required that he be a good husband.

Tell me why anyone would have expectations from inlaws. Vo kya karenge? Mere bachay palenge? Khana pakayenge mere ghar ka? No. Its the other way around. They need someone to help them. So its great to help them but what could anyone possibly expect from them? Why even expect?

Its not the women that are confused it seems. Its the men. Its a few here that want all the benefits but do not want to do anything to earn them.

Expectations rakho to demanding and high maintenance. Na rakho to insulting and degrading.

Positivity begets positve reaction. Negativity brngs negative attityde from people.

Having said that, elders need to be given respect and room for mistakes.

**If you marry someone (man or woman) accept his or her parents as your own. That’s it.

No if, and or but there.**