I have a real good friend who is currently going through separation and possibly thinking of divorce. She has been married over 12 years. She is young, educated, has a good career. She’s pretty much happy in her life other than her marriage. I was very upset to hear of it and now she has pretty much decided that thats the route she is taking. She moved to the middle east a few years back with her husband and she says that ever since that happened, he has changed his personality completely. He is spending more times with his friends and out of the house and not giving her much attention. She feels alone and isolated. Thats her reasoning.
I know I cant change her mind, but what else can I do to help her thru this situation ? Anyone been thru such a dilemma or know anyone who has ?
Well! It seems to be their combined fault. It seems she was not willing to change and he was not helping her change. Socializing has become an integral part of jobs these days.
What about the wives of those friends? She could have become friend of those ladies. He should have made effort to make her more comfortable in that situation. I think neither tried.
calculated guess says that she is issueless. Probability 83%
This would have been a non-issue otherwise (if they have kids).
If this is not the case then God help them and give them hidayat and guide them so they patchup and be thankful to him for his bounties, and blessings on them.
uhm, why not just support your friend instead of trying to change her mind? If you respect her, respect her decision. Has she asked for your opinion about the DECISION or only your help and support?
What? Help support a breaking of a marriage? I think a couple should use every mean available to salvage a marraige, especially if it was a decade long, before taking the easy way out.
I'm sure that she has already exhausted every means of salvaging the marriage after 12 years. At some point doesn't she have the right to walk away? Even if she has children, wouldn't they be better off being raised by happy parents who live seperately rather than in a dysfunctional situation?
Thats sad because I am sure she has come to this decision after alot of soul searching and its never easy to let go of so many years of your life..... the only thing you can do is let her know that you are there for her whatever she needs.
Do they have kids??
I had a friend recently go through some really horrible stuff and when I asked her what I could do to help she wanted me to just listen, not judge, not say anything, not advise but just listen so she knew she had a place she could go to sound out her thoughts...say them outloud without having to hear anything back....
it wasnt easy for me, but she says it helped her.....
I am by no means encouraging the breaking of a marriage. This issue is not about the marriage. The issue here is a friend supporting a friend’s decision and respecting her decision.
If I were going through a rough time and had come to a very hard decision, and then went to a friend for support and that friend told me that I had made the wrong decision, I wouldn’t appreciate that. If I had asked my friend to HELP me make the decision, that would have been different. But if i told my friend that I had MADE the decision and wanted his support and he kept trying to change my mind, I’d be offended.
right now its easy to say to get divorced. when the time comes and going through and after it feels horriable, and it takes years to get over it.. from outside u may show ur happiness but inside its an whole diff scenerio.... prayers are the only thing that will help situation like this... god bless her.
I find it hard to believe that her life is "pretty much happy" if she is considering divorce.
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He is spending more times with his friends and out of the house and not giving her much attention. She feels alone and isolated. Thats her reasoning.
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She seems to have her own life and her hubby is not far behind: he has his own life too.
Has she done anything to make time for each other? What is she doing to make him enjoy her company more?
She doesn't need a divorce. She is itching for an affair.
Well, I am not physically present so I don't know how much time they give each other, but it seems that she is home alone most of the time after work and he is out with his friends. Even during weekdays. Thats what she tells me. There's no affair from either partner. She has no kids. Thats the only thing I can think of that may be causing the problem.
Hmmm...it's not enough information to work with. Her thought of divorce may be nothing but a brain fart and considering how exciting a person she is (no kids and yet hubby is spending time with friends), she is probably full of brain farts.
Although this would be a good time for her to eject from this marriage. She has no right to ruin her husband's life.