Re: A girl with a past?
That's an option, but he's not willing to let go of her either. He just keeps fighting with the parents.
Man need to be a man.
If he can't, then girl need to make peace. Being a girl its 100 time harder.
But if girl also keep hoping... they are only heading to blackhole... well specially girl.
Ask girl to naha dho ker... wazu ker ky.. 2 rakat namaz parh ker .... dua kery for guidance...
May allah help her...
bye
Re: A girl with a past?
I've met the girl, I can't understand how the two of them had a physical relationship. They both pray, read Quran, fast, she dresses modestly etc. When I asked how they could've done something like that, their answer was that they love each other. I think she's a good human being, yes, and she cares about my brother more than anyone else in the world, I would love to have her as my SIL.
A person can read the Qur'an, do namaaz 5 times a day, wear hijab but still stumble when it comes to other parts of Islam..
Do your parents have anyone else in mind for him?
If you like the girl and think they make a good match stand up for him as much as you can.. If you know someone you could try asking a sympathetic elder/uncle/auntie for support but then again you'd need to be very careful.. don't want people gossiping about them being in a relationsip and so on..
Re: A girl with a past?
^^A person can read the Qur'an, do namaaz 5 times a day, wear hijab but still be still stumble when it comes to other parts of Islam.. .
Is she knows she is in a situation where she don't a way... asking for guidance would help her.
Re: A girl with a past?
Man need to be a man. If he can't, then girl need to make peace. Being a girl its 100 time harder. But if girl also keep hoping... they are only heading to blackhole... well specially girl.
Ask girl to naha dho ker... wazu ker ky.. 2 rakat namaz parh ker .... dua kery for guidance... May allah help her... bye
Mard mard hona chahiye.. Insh'allah black-hole tak baath na paunchey. I personally think he should marry her, baad mein parents will understand.
Re: A girl with a past?
A person can read the Qur'an, do namaaz 5 times a day, wear hijab but still stumble when it comes to other parts of Islam..
Do your parents have anyone else in mind for him?
If you like the girl and think they make a good match stand up for him as much as you can.. If you know someone you could try asking a sympathetic elder/uncle/auntie for support but then again you'd need to be very careful.. don't want people gossiping about them being in a relationsip and so on..
Not anyone specific. It's basically, anyone that's not her. I would't dare to talk to anyone outside the immediate family, my parents are very particular about family honour.
Re: A girl with a past?
Mard mard hona chahiye.. Insh'allah black-hole tak baath na paunchey. I personally think he should marry her, baad mein parents will understand.
yes.
Re: A girl with a past?
Op, how is your brother's relationship with your parents these days? The gunnah is actually between your brother and the girl and Allah. The sin is Allah's to forgive, not your parents. But what hurts your parents is that their trust was broken. I think sometimes during a conflict, we're so focused on our own desires that we don't acknowledge the feelings of the other person. What if your brother was to apologize to them...not a quick apology....but a real, thorough apology acknowledging their feelings....would it soften your parents?
Have you tried to explain to your mom that it's unjust for her to impose upon your brother to marry her niece? As an aunt, she'd be deceiving her niece and toying with her life as well. And if niece has remained chaste, she may prefer a guy who has as well...so that's another angle for mom to consider. Forcing a rishta and prohibiting a marriage without valid reason is just adding two more mistakes to the equation. Keep trying to reason with your parents but be gentle about it.
Re: A girl with a past?
hmmm. interesting question. As long as the girl has no contact with her lover(s) from the past or with anyone who knows said lovers, I don't see the issue. Parents should be kept in the dark imo.
I'd also make her do a polygraph test as to whether see would ditch me if any of her past lover(s) asked her back in the future for a booty call. Better to be safe then sorry. Also, a prenup would be required as well as paternity test after the birth of each child. An STD test would be required as well. That is all!
Re: A girl with a past?
^Good Luck with that last bit..
The girl shouldn't be required to do a polygraph or std test if the guy isn't as well.. not that polygraphs are 100% reliable anyway..
Re: A girl with a past?
Parents consent was not required when he was sleeping around and it's required when he marries!
Ur brother shud man up and marry her, regardless of what ur parents think.
Re: A girl with a past?
^Good Luck with that last bit..
The girl shouldn't be required to do a polygraph or std test if the guy isn't as well.. not that polygraphs are 100% reliable anyway..
I agree, both should do one. My experience of women that sleep around, they settle for a beta good boy to breed with and provide for them and their offspring but still go off to jerks to unleash their passionate dirty side. Just saying.
Re: A girl with a past?
no he does not want to. This perhaps is the first step towards creating a reason to dump her. He did not think of parents happiness when he was sleeping around?
and any sane parents (specially guy’s mom) should force the guy to marry her now since their son has already ruined her life.
Re: A girl with a past?
Would you as parents of a boy allow him to marry a girl that he's been sexually active with? The boy and girl love each other very much. The girl is very intelligent, Ivy-league educated, good-looking, well-off, from a good family, and appears to be a good person apart from the fact that she was involved with the boy. They want to get married now after knowing each other for four years.
What are the chances of such a marriage being allowed? As the boy or the girl, is there anything that can be done to make the parents agree? Thoughts?
Makes absolutely no sense. It's not really a past when she was sexual with her current boyfriend, and both want to get married to each other. Yes it was inappropriate but that's why boyfriend and girlfriend is discouraged becsuse the temptation is too great regardless of how religious they are. But don't understand why it's being made into an issue when they want to get married to each other. It would be a past if she had a sexual relationship with an ex boyfriend (a different guy)
As someone else mentioned, it actually would make 100% sense that they do marry each other not only because they were intimate with each other but because both of them want to, parents objecting is what doesn't make sense. If parents prevent this then they're causing both the girl and guy to end up with a past.
Re: A girl with a past?
I agree..I think he’s using his parents as an excuse to dump her because there is no actual “past”, she did it with him, not another guy.
Re: A girl with a past?
I agree completely, but is there a way to make my parents understand that? My mother is insisting that he marries a girl of her choice, maybe one of our cousins.
The girl has a stable job, a high class degree, from a good family and is good-looking, my brother is still unemployed. He won't get a girl like her again, especially not one who cares about him this much and who understands him so well.
My brother tried to commit suicide three years ago, and she saved his life. My parents are still not understanding.
Wow..this girl is a total catch...accepts and loves your bro for who is also..grab her before she realizes she can do better!!
Re: A girl with a past?
Yup, basically what I was thinking too.
Re: A girl with a past?
I know we are not talking about the Islamic point of view, but can anyone say what the ruling is in this kind of scenario? Can they still marry?
Re: A girl with a past?
Allah has said: "The adulterer marries not but an adultress or a Mushrikah, and the adulteress, none marries her except an adulterer or a Mushrik". Not sure what surah this is from, sorry. But based on this, even though they have committed zina and whether they have repented or not, they can marry. But for nikkah they do need parental permission... Only time I know an imam can substitute in as parental permission is when the parents have no legitimate reason for letting the two people get married. I don't know if this scenario would count as one where parental permission could be foregone...
Edit: its Surah Noor ayah 3
Re: A girl with a past?
^The Hanafi madhab allows nikah without parental permission, but it's obviously not encouraged so many of the larger mosques here in the UK will agree do a nikah in that situation if needed as it would still be* *technically **valid..
Even if not Hanafi if we're talking about the OP's brother it would be allowed because the man doesn't need parental permission.. The other madhabs do believe that the women needs permission but if her guardian agrees it would be fine..
The guardian/wali can also be replaced by another male family member or an Imam IF grounds for objecting to the marriage are unIslamic..
OYMWA, there's a famous hadith about a couple who appeared dishevelled after obviously having met, fallen for each other and done 'it' very quickly.. The solution was them having a nikah rather than being punished (there were not 4 witnesses etc).. Wish more people knew about these hadiths showing the kind, soft side of Islam and how the aim is not to go round punishing and making people suffer for their mistakes..
Re: A girl with a past?
Hadith where adulterers were stoned/lashed, why not those? Why play down the significance of these huge sins everywhere?