Maybe Im asking because I got laid off a few months ago and Im curious as to how others handled it…just bear with me will ya? This is directed towards men, but women please feel free to add your POV also.
Let’s say you’re married, have a great job Mashallah and things are going well. And then you get laid off due to this horrid recession.
What are you going to do to help keep yourself and your family together and most importantly…what do you expect from your partner?
I am not married yet but there were so many people who were with full households to feed and support. Im curious to know how couples handle it.
if your partner is working .... then that should be ok
if not then tell him to WORK anywhere ...
if he is not interested to work and he is lazy person then kick him out.. lolzzz
So in given situation I will do what ever it takes to provide the family.
BUT
I would need my partner to leave me alone(or give me flexibility) To do MY OWN THING.
Even if my own thing is not seem productive to her!!!(at first OR at all)
That is going to be a serious concern, Even when every thing is going well
I follow my instinct all the time, Mostly my family/friend laughed at me. Eventually they learned I do what I do!!
When ever I tried to follow norms, I became miserable + plus unsuccessful.
When ever I followed instinct I became happy while doing it. And mostly I made ppl proud of me(many many times).
So that is going to big thing if Wife tries to domesticate me.
PlayStation: I will become normal when I start embarrassing my kids.
PlayStaion2: I have every thing planned out
PlayStaon3: PSquared I put effort writing this:: little acknowledgement plz
I'd say talk to your partner as much as you can about this issue maybe he/she can come up with a better solution...ie. lowering expense.. try to be more accommodating.. etc etc but don't ever let it ruin your marriage life because it's useless. If you have faith in God and you have been through this and got out of it before .. so you can get out of this again...
A Person who ends their relationship due to this reason has something else on their mind and they are just looking for an excuse to get outa it and bingo "recession zinda bad" and such people are scums and they should just vanish from the face of the earth.
guess i'd want the spouse to be calm, supportive, and compromising - be ready to make changes in lifestyle until cash flow is back to positive - trim down on discretionary spendings, maybe move to a smaller place, give up on certain things without complaining, understand without the need for babying that all this is necessary, help find way to reduce household expenses, be pleasant and help out with job searches, maybe find one herself if she isn't employed.
basically be a mature intelligent adult about it and help work the situation out as a team. at the very least not panic and create even more stress at home. definitely not start with "my mom thinks you should..." or "oh god what will happennn to usss :(".
no "i should have listened to daddy and married that doctor, so what if he was bald" either.
guess i'd want the spouse to be calm, supportive, and compromising - be ready to make changes in lifestyle until cash flow is back to positive - trim down on discretionary spendings, maybe move to a smaller place, give up on certain things without complaining, understand without the need for babying that all this is necessary, help find way to reduce household expenses, be pleasant and help out with job searches, maybe find one herself if she isn't employed.
basically be a mature intelligent adult about it and help work the situation out as a team. at the very least not panic and create even more stress at home. definitely not start with "my mom thinks you should..." or "oh god what will happennn to usss :(".
no "i should have listened to daddy and married that doctor, so what if he was bald" either.
Plus
File unemployment right away...................
Apply for WIC.................
Apply for Link card..............
Cut down luxuries.............
No dine out.............
Check your EDD account & see how much u 've comulated there.
This will help u big time for 18 months and I hope the dust will settle down by then.
PM...that was brilliantly put! Thank you for putting in so much effort...it was definitely appreciated! :)
I have seen people who have actually allowed their marriages to suffer because of the economy...maybe "allowed" is not the right word for it. But you all know what I mean. Its difficult to sustain a home, children, expenses, happiness, etc while you're freaking out inside about tomorrow.
Which leads me to my next question...what if you have a spouse who is falling apart because of this? Unemployment can actually cause depression as well because the person starts to feel inept and useless. What would you do?
This is a good question. I think it's important to discuss the "what ifs" such as this before marriage so you are both on the same wavelength.
Personally I think its very important for the couple to have money aside for a rainy day. This is the principle I live by. I see so many single people and couples spending their money on everything from a car, house, expensive designer clothes, vacations etc. but at the end of the day...they are living hand to mouth and in a recession if one of them lost their jobs, they'd be screwed because they wouldn't have savings set aside. You should have 6 months pay worth of savings untouched at all times so that incase something like this happens, you can live off that for a while until you find another job.
PM...that was brilliantly put! Thank you for putting in so much effort...it was definitely appreciated! :)
I have seen people who have actually allowed their marriages to suffer because of the economy...maybe "allowed" is not the right word for it. But you all know what I mean. Its difficult to sustain a home, children, expenses, happiness, etc while you're freaking out inside about tomorrow.
Which leads me to my next question...what if you have a spouse who is falling apart because of this? Unemployment can actually cause depression as well because the person starts to feel inept and useless. What would you do?
It's not that difficult to find a new job if you want the happiness of the family or if you really care about your household ... yea that job might not be up to your standards but at least it will pay your bills, let you live your daily normal life etc etc.. believe me, if someone wants to keep their family together, they will fight tooth and nails to survive it... cause if losing a job is an excuse today , tomorrow it will be something else.. and then something else, till they are completely out of it. Such people are cowards and malignant to the society... your marriage doesn't have to suffer if You don't want it to suffer... you need to face each problem separately from the other problems. It is easier this way as it doesn't feel so overwhelming.
You seem like an independent woman to me so are you feeling nervous about the idea of being financially dependent on your fiance after marriage? If so, it's understandable, as it takes time to get used to a different situation. Have you talked to your fiance about this? Like discuss concerns, expectations regarding how money should be spend and handled, etc.
I don't think I'd be of much help in this situation because I'm not married. But I've been laid of due to budget cuts, and it's tough. And when the economy is strained, it's not your fault if you do get laid off from work. The most important thing in my opinion is to have a supportive partner and family. If you're both on a tight budget and one of you loses your job, you can work together to find ways to budget spending and economize. And in the event that the marriage requires that both partners work, it's nice to have a supportive/encouraging spouse who can help out with the job search/application process.
I think it really is a testing time for you and your partner if you are married. Only this hardship time shows you what your partner really is all about!
If you are a girl - and out of job - then guys are pretty much "forgiving" and take on the responsibility with dignity.
However, if a guy is out of job - and the girl responds in poor manners - by putting him down... then it would be really sad.
If the guy also acts foollishly and makes the girl feel horrible that she is not contributing anymore - then it's simply horrible.
Bad times do not last forever, just like good times do not either. Just make most of what you can compromise with and support each other.
Your partner will always remember your generous act. So be good - always.
About bigger families - and losing job... that's the most difficult situation to be in. However, there are gov assistance programs that can help in tougher times. One should never feel TOO LITTLE to get help. You can always be back on your feet and HELP BACK once things get going back to normal.
keeping in mind you dunt do excessive spending and keeping to limits with everything be it money, or be it husband wife roles.. if everyone plays their part right as its supposed to, eg the husband gives rights to his wife the way she deserves and vice versa .. inshaAllah Allah sab khair karey ga ..Fikar not :)
Its circle of life . somehow some one where .. everyone survives .. ts just the matter .. where at times you will have loss and you will also have benifits.. these conditions of life comes with the pakage... you just gota Pray to Allah Almighty that you are tested quicky and be forgiven. and let our lives go on in hapiness ..
Khudaa Ta'la will Never be un-just in anyones case as long as the servant is obident to His Lord Almighty. :)
