Okay, now i really need your advice because i dont know what to say.
Heres the situation:
A very close friend of mine has been sexually abused by her father for about 7-8 years and she never had the courage to tell anyone. She started to see a psychologist recently because the stress shed been under was causing her to have fits and panic attacks. She ended up telling her psych (who said she had 2 weeks to take action or she would inform the police) all about it and then told me and another close friend about a week ago after having a bit of a nervous breakdown. We didnt know what to say to her, we advised her to either go to the police or to move out of the house away from her father. The attacks had been violent and they were frequent, her mother knew all about them but was too scared to take any action against him. Last night after he attacked her sexually and very violently after finding out she had told her psych, she decided she couldnt take it any longer. Today she went and enquired about student accomodation, they were not very helpful so she went and saw her tutor at uni. One thing led to another and she ended up telling them everything, they took her to the police station and she told the police everything aswell. Her father was arrested. Obviously her whole family is upset, AT HER. They think she was wrong for doing it.
My question to you is, she’s happy she took the step, but being a muslim girls she doesnt know whether the step she took was islamically right. Was she right to do this to her father? She just keeps asking, does this make me a bad muslim, will i burn in hell for doing this to my father? I dont think whats he did was wrong and i thing she had every right to do it. As a muslim girl, are the steps she took acceptable?
wht she did is right and commendable. however why it took her this long to report it to the police? hell she didn't even tell anyone in the family. her mother knew about it so she is just as much responsible for whatever happened to the daughter. she should be arrested aswell and not just the father. your friend did the right thing though not on her own accord but on the advice of others. anyways, dair aaid durust aaid.
How can sexual harassment by a father or anyone be Islamically acceptable? She did the right thing. Infact she should have done something ages ago. I'm sorry but her mom seems sick who just didn't do anything about it :(
I really hope she has a better life ahead of her considering everything she went through.
muslim or non-muslim has nothing to do with this. What she did was right, he'll fully deserve what's coming to him.
As for the rest of the family being upset at her, they can all go **** themselves if deep down they think she is in the wrong for taking this step and telling the authorities.
muslim or non-muslim has nothing to do with this. What she did was right, he'll fully deserve what's coming to him.
As for the rest of the family being upset at her, they can all go ** themselves** if deep down they think she is in the wrong for taking this step and telling the authorities.
don't give them anymore ideas. father is already in jail.
SHOCKED.. how could she just take that abuse for 7-8 years? How can a real father actually do something like this?? I would like to assume that the moron is the step father but even then I am shocked, how can a mother let that happen to her daughter? Its not like they were living in some sort of a village of pakistan that they didnt have access to police or a fear of not finding the justice.. mother needs to go to the jail too and probably the rest of the family too who wanted to keep it all hush hush!!!
^ Excuse me. Thats a generalization and speculation for making comment on Pakistani Village or the justice system in this respect. You do not know everything what might be happening inside or even outside Pakistan and I just had to object.
It was absolutely pertinent for her to report him. That is disgusting and unislamic to do that to your daughter. It's a crime. The mother should have reported him infact. She needs to ignore the fact that her family is appalled at her for telling and focus on rehabilitation and getting her life back on track, with or without the support of the rest of her family.
Having made above required correction. Here are my humble thoughts.
Incest is much too common than it is recognized unfortunately.
It has nothing to do with religion. muslims, non- muslims, ALL do it.
Again unfortunately.
It is not uncommon to have mothers to be helpless or ........ (cannot write it to be too sick) ...Again unfortunately.
She did the right thing finally.
She should not EVER be blamed for waiting for any length of time. We just cannot be judgmental on poor soul. That's just too cruel.
We know she was disturbed enough to seek professional help from psychiatrist but do we know what was her father's mental status and diagnosis?
I know nothing can make this legitimate act for so many people ,
but one must not fall in to the trap of conclusion so fast. We need to know his diagnosis. Its a sick mentality and he does not need punishment if he has identifiable/verifiable physical or mental disease.
For the question I will say she did the right thing. It has not been described in Islamic literature that I know but one thing is for sure;
Any logical act will not be against Islamic/ any other religious teaching.
Having made above required correction. Here are my humble thoughts.
Incest is much too common than it is recognized unfortunately.
It has nothing to do with religion. muslims, non- muslims, ALL do it.
Again unfortunately.
It is not uncommon to have mothers to be helpless or ........ (cannot write it to be too sick) ...Again unfortunately.
She did the right thing finally.
She should not EVER be blamed for waiting for any length of time. We just cannot be judgmental on poor soul. That's just too cruel.
We know she was disturbed enough to seek professional help from psychiatrist but do we know what was her father's mental status and diagnosis?
I know nothing can make this legitimate act but one must not fall in to the trap of conclusion so fast. We need to know his diagnosis. Its a sick mentality and he does need punishment if he has no identifiable/verifiable physical or mental disease.
For the question I will say she did the right thing. It has not described in Islamic literature that I know but one thing is for sure.
Any logical act will not be against Islamic/ any other religious teaching.
OMG i cant believe this......Such a disgusting father shes has.....She ABSOLUTELY did the right thing, her mom should also be in jail....
I really hope and pray to Allah that your friend gets over this and she gets a better life after going through all this...... Really feel sorry for her......Her father should be hanged!
kurripunjaban, her father committed a serious sin, and a serious crime not just in the eyes of the law but also in the eyes of Allah swt. If your parents are so screwed up I don't see where you can be "an obedient" child. I am actually quite surprised at the mother. I understand social reputation, fear and all that, but to see your child go through this year after year is not just sickening but totally wrong.
Your friend did the right thing.
She should live far far away from both her parents. The father is definitely a psychological nutcase but it would be really hard to respect the mother too. Or maybe I am not understanding how I should feel sorry for her...for god's sake they are living in America an not in some remote village back home where there may be no protection for such cases.
^ Excuse me. Thats a generalization and speculation for making comment on Pakistani Village or the justice system in this respect. You do not know everything what might be happening inside or even outside Pakistan and I just had to object.
I apologize for generalizing but my point here was if she or her mom were in fear of their well being then I would understand the delay but considering the country we live in it just seems silly to wait for such long period of time, especially her mother!!!!
As you said, incest is underreported even in some western countries then you can imagine the stigma attached to it in Pakistan hence these things are sometimes burried under the carpet in the villages for the sake of "izzat" and not to mention the father might have been bailed out even before the arrest!! These things are common in our country.. sad but true!!!
I apologize for generalizing but my point here was if she or her mom were in fear of their well being then I would understand the delay but considering the country we live in it just seems silly to wait for such long period of time, especially her mother!!!!
As you said, incest is underreported even in some western countries then you can imagine the stigma attached to it in Pakistan hence these things are sometimes burried under the carpet in the villages for the sake of "izzat" and not to mention the father might have been bailed out even before the arrest!! These things are common in our country.. sad but true!!!
Couldn't agree with you more. As long as we do not generalize.
You are so brave and kind in admitting your generalization. Bowing to you.:)
Bail before crime is again common everywhere. Inside or outside Pakistan.
Even 'western' families can/do care for what is called as 'izzat'.
I apologize for generalizing but my point here was if she or her mom were in fear of their well being then I would understand the delay but considering the country we live in it just seems silly to wait for such long period of time, especially her mother!!!!
As you said, incest is underreported even in some western countries then you can imagine the stigma attached to it in Pakistan hence these things are sometimes burried under the carpet in the villages for the sake of "izzat" and not to mention the father might have been bailed out even before the arrest!! These things are common in our country.. sad but true!!!
fathers impregnated their daughters for like 10 times....over periods of 25+ years...this happend in austria...and most recently in UK. which village of pak these so called civilized nation citizens came from? and what took these daughters and their mothers to not report these henious crimes for not just few years but for decades...? care to explain their behavior?...was it for safety? fear? or so-called "izzat" , which apparently only pakistanis care about n westerns are alien to its concept.
saieeen.. what you chose to share would be very rare cases that weren't reported in western countries... I dunno the cause neither do I want to get into that discussion..usually if someone knows about it, they do get reported!!!
I was shocked to read that something like this can happen in a Muslim family.... these things are usually associated with a dysfunctional families where fathers are usually step fathers or motehrs boyfriends and most of the times these things happen when mothers aren't home..Once its been reported, strict actions are taken!
All I said was, she shouldn;t have stayed silent for such a long time considering she would have gotten more support here in this country becuase unfortunately Police/social workers deal with these issues here more often than back home!!!
Sad. Our culture need more awareness about these issues.
Always tell SOMEONE if you are sexually assualted! Anyone! A teacher, friend , police! Always tell someone (especially in western countries). Never keep it to yourself!
In western cultures, there is a special name for these (don't wanna to repeat it - i find it disturbing). They are marked for life, and if they ever move - the community is told to keep an eye around on your children (especialyl around him).
Her dad is her biological dad, and has nothing wrong with him mentally. Whatever he did he did fully aware of his actions. The reason she didnt speak out was because she honestly feared for her life, she went to social services regarding the problem a few years back and was ready to get him arrested, but he treatened to kill her and her family so she backed down. Social services urged her to go ahead but she just couldnt, i'm happy shes spoken out now i mean now is better than never, but how do i explain to her that what she did was right. He deserves whatever comes his way now, i hope he rots in hell for life. But she cant take this in, and i can understand where shes coming from. but he deserves it. How do i convince her of that. She says its her thats wrong, she should have stopped him, she let him do it so shes the one whos gonna go to hell. I just dont know!
And i agree, her mother should rot in prison too, i understand she was probably scared of him too, but if i knew someone was doing that to my kids? Id stab them there and then!