Rishta proposal, nice guy, chilled out easy goin…on the surface seems like a normal person!
After a month, during a conversation tells hes a social drinker, used to smoke not any more apparently, and tried drugs when in his teens.
Knows its not right, wants to take this opportunity to stop this “stupid and immature” habit.
Now i believe ppl deserve to have a second chance. But when it comes to spending rest ur life withone , its not as easy.
Im not sure what to do or how to deal with this, give him benefit of the doubt and think he is stopping all that , he says he wants to do it for himself not for anybody else, since family comes above anything.
I see arrange marriages as a huge gamble of your life, but its not easy to jump off a cliff knowingly. Theres is no guarantee he will stick with words nor that next person i will be intorduced to wont have such habits, he may just hide them like majority of us do.
Any thoughts??? I have been told by my friends to just see how he is over a short period of time n then think about deciding anything
My initial thought is wow, what an honest person. Does he hold down a good and steady job?
You know, in the west, social drinking is almost a given. No big deal to have a beer or 2 with friends. I realize that its a huge no-no in Islaam but kept to social proportions, it doesnt mean that the guy is going to melt down in a rehab center.
So he went thru a period of experimenting...as a good number of young people do in the west. It sounds like he's done with it, is open about it and wants to go on to live a mature family life. So much better than the guy who sneaks out to do these things and never admits to it.
My initial thought is wow, what an honest person. Does he hold down a good and steady job?
You know, in the west, social drinking is almost a given. No big deal to have a beer or 2 with friends. I realize that its a huge no-no in Islaam but kept to social proportions, it doesnt mean that the guy is going to melt down in a rehab center.
So he went thru a period of experimenting...as a good number of young people do in the west. It sounds like he's done with it, is open about it and wants to go on to live a mature family life. So much better than the guy who sneaks out to do these things and never admits to it.
I really admire his open honesty...
Yea well, you folks in the "west" are real freaks. We are different. Thanks.
My suggestion would be to somehow contact his friends and get a handle on his habits. I mean a few drinnks, while undesiarbaly, isnt anything particularly rishta-breaking. You just dont want to end up with an aloholic who ahs drug issues. So be careful and best of luck.
NO...a very honest opinion...its a very huge risk..does your parents know that he Does all that..i m sure they will not want her daughter to marry a drinker..please dont risk your life ..people who start drinking once if life very rarely can get rid of their habit...why would you even give it a second thought... please i will give you an honest opinion as a sister that its a very Hugee risk and u dont have any guarantee that he will leave .....its easy to say but very hard to do .....
yes i know that if u get other proposals and u wont be sure that they have all these bad habits or not but this is like " ANKHON DEKHI MAKHI NIGALNA"
I DONT KNOW HOW CONservative your family is but personally its haram in islam...and i wouldnt want to marry some one involved in haram things..
Yea well, you folks in the "west" are real freaks. We are different. Thanks.
My suggestion would be to somehow contact his friends and get a handle on his habits. I mean a few drinnks, while undesiarbaly, isnt anything particularly rishta-breaking. You just dont want to end up with an aloholic who ahs drug issues. So be careful and best of luck.
Boii, I think your statement applies to people anywhere in the world...including Pakistan so dont generalize or call anyone names.
Boii, I think your statement applies to people anywhere in the world...including Pakistan so dont generalize or call anyone names.
Thanks Psquared. :)
Although Pakistan is a majority Muslim country......it has not completely prohibited the sale of alcohol. And nor is Pakistan so pure.....that ALL its inhabitants stay away from drinking or drugs. And there are even people who were born and raised in Pak and then come to the West and go astray. You would think that years of "conservative" upbringing in Pak would prevent them from going astray........but that's not always the case.
There are temptations all around us and in EVERY country. In the end......it all boils down to the will power of the individual and the choices he/she makes.
NO...a very honest opinion...its a very huge risk..does your parents know that he Does all that..i m sure they will not want her daughter to marry a drinker..please dont risk your life ..people who start drinking once if life very rarely can get rid of their habit...why would you even give it a second thought... please i will give you an honest opinion as a sister that its a very Hugee risk and u dont have any guarantee that he will leave .....its easy to say but very hard to do .....
yes i know that if u get other proposals and u wont be sure that they have all these bad habits or not but this is like " ANKHON DEKHI MAKHI NIGALNA"
I DONT KNOW HOW CONservative your family is but personally its haram in islam...and i wouldnt want to marry some one involved in haram things..
my thoughts EXACTLY. in my family (i was born and raised in USA) my parents have been living here for 30+ in USA and the drinking/drug/smoke thing is a MAJOR rishta breaker for us. yes its common here, but good ppl DO exist. trust in Allah to help you on the right path. i would definetely discuss this issue with your parents and see there input. no offense, they would definetely give you a more un-biased view of the situation because you might have been caught up in his ''sweet talk'' about he is trying to change and all that......yes, he MIGHt change, but hun, do you really want to be the girl to take that risk???
Yea well, you folks in the "west" are real freaks. We are different. Thanks.
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Indeed. Yes, from what I have seen...in the east the parties are usually divided into mens tent and womens tent. The men drink till they either puke or pass out. Denying that they're drinking and attempting to hide the fact from the women.
In the west, people can (and do) have a beer or a cocktail and stop there.
So if that makes me a freak then I'm ok with that lol!
More important though, is the fact of honesty here. This potential rishta is hugely upfront and honest which is a rare and beautiful trait no matter what culture he's from.
People can and do give up things like smoking or drinking.
experimented wit drugs, its in the past
smoking he gave up..probably for himself
so if he is saying he wants to give up drinking too, he is probably serious.
why else would he mention it otherwise.
but in the end, the only question is, are you comfortable with it, even if it is or soon to be is in his past.
Indeed. Yes, from what I have seen...in the east the parties are usually divided into mens tent and womens tent. The men drink till they either puke or pass out. Denying that they're drinking and attempting to hide the fact from the women.
In the west, people can (and do) have a beer or a cocktail and stop there.
So if that makes me a freak then I'm ok with that lol!
More important though, is the fact of honesty here. This potential rishta is hugely upfront and honest which is a rare and beautiful trait no matter what culture he's from.
Yeah, and the best man is sleeping the bride? freaks u guys are.
Boii, I think your statement applies to people anywhere in the world...including Pakistan so dont generalize or call anyone names.
yes ofcourse, freaks are everywhere. Duh! That poster was making light fact out of drugs and dribking. I just called that out since unlike western culture, we dont tolerate heavy drinking, drugs use etc.
ummm...the guy is no longer a drug user. He tried drugs when younger apparently. And "social drinking" means to have 1 or 2 in a social setting and thats it...I'd not call that "heavy drinking". That would be when you drink till you puke.
yes ofcourse, freaks are everywhere. Duh! That poster was making light fact out of drugs and dribking. I just called that out since unlike western culture, we dont tolerate heavy drinking, drugs use etc.
LOL. Comprehension problems going on over here. If the poster was indeed making light fact out drugs and drinking..........she would have NEVER taken the time to post about her predicament and seek advice from others.
Secondly..........there are many unIslamic activities besides drinking and drugs that are taking place in Pakistan and preventing it from progressing forward. Try getting out of your little fishbowl of a neighborhood and open your eyes to the dilemmas that are plaguing "pure" Pakisan.
LOL. Comprehension problems going on over here. If the poster was indeed making light fact out drugs and drinking..........she would have NEVER taken the time to post about her predicament and seek advice from others.
Secondly..........there are many unIslamic activities besides drinking and drugs that are taking place in Pakistan and preventing it from progressing forward. Try getting out of your little fishbowl of a neighborhood and open your eyes to the dilemmas that are plaguing "pure" Pakisan.
I think ur having comprehension issues. I was referring to Mam3 making light of drugs and drinking not the original poster.