Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
yeah ive seen it working on many occasions too....a change in environment is good and moving to pak would be ideal
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
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Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
My parents are under their own peer pressure. They don't want to alarm the relatives by sending their daughter to an all Islamic school all of a sudden. At least mom put her foot down that she isn't going to a co-education school for sure. But like i said, every institute has elements of all sorts, and if her heart is not clean to begin with, she will either attract the same bunch or gravitate towards those who she can associate with best.
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
I have read first few replies in this thread but My Personal opinion is NOT to talk to her Now since she is already set to be taken off to Pakistan within 2weeks or so. This 'talking' 'convincing' thingy should have been done well before but Not now. Besides, sister talking to sister is quite different as compared to Brother talking to a younger Sister (and especially on this kind of sensitive issue). Also you don't know how she would react after your 'talking' to her. She might be ashamed or she might totally rebel against you/whole family.. then what will you do? Your main goal at this point of time should be to simply keep a close eye on her for this two weeks or so and Don't let her slip out of your hands at all. Let her go to Pakistan and see how she is going to behave over there. I am sure environment over there would definitely have a healthy effect on her (specially, if she have some decent cousins in Pakistan), and IF she doesn't her attitude over there as well, then tell her why she has been brought back home.
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
I agree with you 100%
DONT talk to her right now...it could make things worse.....since you're going to pak now anyway....theres not much point of talking..
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
So she likes guys. I think you're being too hard on her. Like I said, its a sexuality issue and it is normal to feel the way she's feeling. But good luck with your decided approach. I still think its a bit too hard on her. Especially telling her its fault that the family is moving back to Pakistan.
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
Being part of a family is all about unity. Show her that you are on her side and that everything you want for is for her own well-being and not because you want the upper hand. It's difficult for a teenager to understand that sometimes.
At an age where one is beginning to form one's own identity and rebellion almost comes naturally in the process, it is easy for a teenager to feel patronised and victimised. The ever present cry of 'no-one understands me!' is so common in such situations.
Whatever decision you make, try not to alienate her and make her feel that you are simply treating her like a child, it will only serve to make her rebel further in her quest for adult status.
I think that you are in a unique position as a brother to her. Evidently you have shown sympathy to her in the past ie. buying her a ipod, so no doubt she has some level of sisterly friendship with you. You are in an excellent position to simply talk to her as a male who has no ulterior motives and explain the way that men (and boys) think.
It will be so useful for her to know that where she thinks that a guy might really have feelings for her, and she is willing to give up her most precious jewel for him...his actual opinion of her could be so very different. You don't have to let her know that you know what she's been up to. Just talk in a general way...so she doesn't get her back up from the beginning.
I'm sure that you've been the participant of 'guy talk' at some point and it would do her good if you were to enlighten her to the disregard and disrespect really shown to girls who are not chaste and have little or no self-respect. Talk to her about what guys might say about girls like her.Believe me I was extremely naiive until my other half explained what guys can really be like and I have to say it has been a real eye-opener for me...I'm so glad I
I think it's great that you have such love for your sister that you are truly concerned for her and are trying to find ways to help her. She is very lucky
Good luck!
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
if we dont show our kids the culture we come from.... can they be a complete human being?
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
They can be human all right. And perfectly respectable. moral and honest people without your particular culture.
"Complete" means different things to people. Your complete is certainly not my complete. So to say that I am not complete because I do not follow the culture like you would be silly.
So what exactly do you mean? Do you mean that they will not be clones of you? Certainly they will not.
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
All these words have made me dizzy!
I think the poor lass is trying to find her way in the world, as most teenagers are. She may not be as lost as you think she is.
I understand your responsibility thing as I had to raise my siblings due to death of a parent, and I learnt the hard way that they need to make mistakes for them to appreciate certain things. Who and what are you really protecting her from?
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
Hi!
Well Its a very hard situation for your family but the best thing is to talk with your sister and tell her that if she cant live up to the familys rule then its possible that she has to move to Pakistan.
But the true is that Pakistans mahool is even not better actually opposite so it wont help.
I have never seen a brother who care so much about her sister.
May allah bless her.
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
]Hi!
Well Its a very hard situation both for your family and your sister but the best thing is to talk with your sister and tell her that if she cant live up to the familys rule then its possible that she has to move to Pakistan.
But the true is that Pakistans "mahool" is not better , its actually opposite so it wont help.
I have never seen a brother who care so much about her sister.
May allah bless her
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
Arrey forget bout showing their culture.. just prevent your kids from drugs, partying, teen pregnancy and joining chhota gangs in New York... ai dasso, twadey kids nu pind ich majjan naal sair karana zaroori ai?
Re: A Dilemma, and my responsibility
Although going to Pakistan is not necessarily a cure, but I think it will be a good idea. She needs a change of environment, away from the bad influence of her current friends. While she's in Pakistan, she should be kept busy with college and wholesome friends and relatives, as well as even shallow hobbies like going to the bazaar and getting clothes made, learning to cook, etc. These things will be a positive distraction for her. Also, are their examples in your community of people who continued down the wrong path and are miserable today? For ex, one girl I know was rather well known for sleeping with a certain guy. He dumped her soon enough and she never recovered. She's looks half-pagal nowadays, desperately trying to find a guy to marry her. We constantly would use her example in front of my younger sister, who had a bit of a rebellious streak in her. My parents took her to Pakistan as well for a month, and it worked wonders on her. She came back more subdued and sensible.