A very good friend is having some trouble in her life. She got divorced from husband a few months ago. Also she has a child too.
Problem is not her divorce, it has occurred so noone can do anything to change it. But now her family wants her to get married again, and for this they (the family members) are looking for rishtas. She is kind of double minded and she says she can’t live alone. Her family asks her if she likes someone then they would proceed.
A guy, who met her somewhere on internet and after a few weeks he got involved in her and proposed her, he said to her that he is ready to accept her child HAPPILY. She was impressed by him and she was happy to get a proposal from him BUT the problem is that the guy proposed her without getting any approval/consent of his family (parents). He already told my friend that it will be hard for him to convince his parents since she is divorced and also a mother of a child. but he made it sure that he will marry her no matter how much hard time he is going to have. Friend also told him that her family is looking for proposals and they won’t wait if they get any ideal opportunity/proposal so it would be better if he starts convincing his parents to bring the proposal for her. In the beginning he kept on assuring her that he will work on this matter SOON. My friend was very upset and confused about what to do. She is too young and innocent, her family does not want her to live alone for the entire life. and personally. she is pretty and the only flaw (which the society’s mindset has made) is that she is divorced, that’s why she does not afford to reject any ideal proposal just for that guy. But the guy seems a little careless about it. according to my friend* “on phone he seems nice and loving plus mature, he cant be a lier, afterall he proposed me and ready to accept me with my past, noone can take such a big decision”* in short my friend is very much willing to be with him. About their contact, my friend never called him during his working hours. it was he who used to call her when he was on the way back to his home. so I know she has never been Nosey or attention seeker like any typical girl. my friend kept on reminding him to start proceeding this relation. and every time he used to say *“it’s very hard for me to stand against my parents and talk to them about it, let me think I am tired. can we talk on this topic later please?” *bla bla
Latest situation is that the guy says he has talked to his parents and as it was expected, his parents specially the mother got flared up and argued with him, as result he left his home and now it’s been one week he is spending his nights in his car or at any friend’s home" that’s what he told to my friend. This thing makes sense that he can leave his home bla bla but the actual confusion is that he does not contact my friend now. My friend tries to contact him but he does not give any response and whenever he responds after so many attempts. he says* " I am UPSET blabla"* My friend is worried about him but he never calls her back. in this whole one week he talked to her hardly just for 1 or 2 times. She is confused she can’t tell her parents without being assured that he will bring the proposal. we don’t know his intentions.
Now do you think that he Lies? I mean maybe he is lying that he is out of his home. do you think he is avoiding her for some reason? If any other proposal comes for her then should she tell her family to proceed that proposal? or she should wait?
I believe she should not waste her time as I don’t trust that guy after his ajeeb ajeeb conflicting statements
These are my perceptions but I thought I should take some serious advice for her as she is quite upset these days, I can’t see her sadness, she already has suffered a lot because of her past.
Does your friend have proof of any of this aside from what the guy says in the telephone conversations? There is a very high chance he's just trying to get in bed with her.
no she has no clue. they both have JUST telephonic contact. He says, he wants to marry her at any cost as he finds her the perfect girl for him not like any other typical girl. he is loving towards her child. That's what makes her feel great about him.
Few weeks ago he was giving her a suggestion that what if they get married secretly and tell his parents later? but she denied. and then he asked her what if they hide her child for a few months and get married? in other words he wanted to hide her first marriage from his parents and later they would reveal the reality? Again she denied as she wants to be FAIR and I also warned her not to do that as it's going to be her second marriage so she should not take any risk.
basically i don't feel good after listening about such statements from my friend. His cowardness makes me doubtful about his future married life :S
Also Once I suggested her to ask him to talk to her elder sister, because only her sister knows about him. I just wanted him to talk to anyone in her family so they get the clue that he exists. But when she sent her vsioster's mobile number. He didn't respond to that message. My friend is a little conscious about her self - respect she thinks that giving her family members number FORCEFULLY means that she is dying to marry him and that's why she is NOT going to push/ pressurize him to send his proposal for her. But on the other hand she is upset and confused.
first of all she got divorced few months ago... she needs to take some time to heal up and to figure out her and her kid's future..... dont need to jump into new relationships that fast.....for now she seems desperate to fall for any sahara...
secondly she needs to look for someone whose family is happily ready to accept her and her kid.... a kid needs and family, not a some random guy known to him as a step father....tell her not to look for someone who will pressurize his family to accept her and her kid.... relationships like that dont really last very long and she wont really have any backup from his parents for any kind of emtional support in future...
....she should not contact this net guy anymore and work with her parents to look for some family guy ....*now she should use her *aqal and think as a* Mother *
Secret marriage is prob the worst idea.. Have heard quite a few cases where a guy has had a secret nikah with a girl saying he will later convince his parents but then end up marrying someone else to keep them happy..
first of all she got divorced few months ago... she needs to take some time to heal up and to figure out her and her kid's future..... dont need to jump into new relationships that fast.....for now she seems desperate to fall for any sahara...
secondly she needs to look for someone whose family is happily ready to accept her and her kid.... a kid needs and family, not a some random guy known to him as a step father....tell her not to look for someone who will pressurize his family to accept her and her kid.... relationships like that dont really last very long and she wont really have any backup from his parents for any kind of emtional support in future...
....she should not contact this net guy anymore and work with her parents to look for some family guy ....*now she should use her *aqal and think as a* Mother *
All people want her to focus on her career. She is very much consious about her kid and the thing which facsinated her about that guy was that he seemed to be so much concernd about her child. Her family wants her to get married as soon as possible because they want the child to have a COMPLETE family life. I agree with that family guy issues. That's why I found this matter very risky.
Nobody can tell you for sure if he's lying. Maybe I'm weird.....but alarm bells went off in my head at the beginning of the story when I read that he proposed to your friend after only knowing her for a few weeks. I see it as moving too fast.
I don't know bad the argument with his parents must have been (if he even approached them) or how many times he brought up the issue with them.....but did it warrant leaving the house so soon? That sounds a bit extreme. Anyhow.....let's say that he DID in fact leave his home. Such an action would be taken to not only pressure the parents into agreeing but to also show that he's on the girl's (your friend) side. So, IF he's on her side and really wants her bad enough to leave his family.......then it doesn't make sense for him to ignore her calls like this. It comes off as a contradiction to me and the fact that your friend can't actually see the guy aggravates matters.
We basically have a guy here who.... 1) rushed a marriage proposal ...... 2) suggested a secret marriage which would do more damage to your friend and her family...... 3) did not show any interest in talking to your friend's older sister.......4) angered his parents but moving out of the home.......5) is hurting your friend by ignoring her calls and keeping her in a state of confusion/suspense.
^Are any of the above reflective of maturity? Talking to your friend's older sister would have been a more mature thing to do than suggesting a secret marriage and moving out of his parents home. Does he really sound mature in his ideas/words AND actions? Cuz taking on a marriage and the responsibility of another person's child requires a lot of maturity. I think us women get so caught up in a guy's words that we forget to look at his actions...which speak louder. His actions show that he has no desire to talk to her family and now he's choosing to ignore your friend's calls. Doesn't sound like he respects her very much either if he's going to hurt her like this.
If he's not taking her calls, then she should just back off and consider other rishtas. I understand that it's easier said than done especially when you've invested emotional energy in someone and your heart and and head aren't on the same page. She may have to push herself to remain open-minded....but at least she won't be putting her life on hold.
He might even be hoping that by ignoring your friend like this, she'll eventually get tired of him and end this "relationship" first...cuz he may not have the courage to do that himself. Because your friend also has a child, it's even more important that she have a guy who is strong, consistent, reasonable, reliable, and mature. It doesn't seem like he has these qualities.
Whats to say that he isn't already married? He could be trying to keep things separate to avoid it getting messy. All this about his parents not going to accept her could actually be him trying to keep her at arms length. All he probably wants is extra-marital affair.
Whats to say that he isn't already married? He could be trying to keep things separate to avoid it getting messy. All this about his parents not going to accept her could actually be him trying to keep her at arms length. All he probably wants is extra-marital affair.
what if he really isn't a man, but a woman in disguise, who wants to eat the OP's brains and suck all the blood??
oh-em-jeeee