4 wives???

[saraali]

Hi guys,

I was interested in getting your opinion on the following topic as it proved to be an interesting debate at the dinner table yesterday evening.

Assuming a man has the capability of taking on 4 wives and treating them all equally, is it justified that he does so? Islam permits him to do so.. so religiously i appreciate there is not the obvious restriction, but on (a) moral and (b) ethical grounds, is it right?

Girls what do you think..could you share your husband?

Gentleman - your thoughts??

[cricketplaya]

Re: 4 wives???

HUH?

You say "Islam permits him to do so.. so religiously I appreciate there is not the obvious restriction"

then you go on to say, "but on a MORAL and EHTICAL grounds is it right"..

What does Islam mean to you?

[Spock]

@saraali

Hi guys,

I was interested in getting your opinion on the following topic as it proved to be an interesting debate at the dinner table yesterday evening.

Assuming a man has the capability of taking on 4 wives and treating them all equally, is it justified that he does so? Islam permits him to do so.. so religiously i appreciate there is not the obvious restriction, but on (a) moral and (b) ethical grounds, is it right?

Girls what do you think..could you share your husband?

Gentleman - your thoughts??

It also depends on where this ‘man’ lives, and if hes ready to goto jail

I dont think its justified at all. If he has the capability doesnt mean he should do that. If hes that rich (he has to be if he can support 4 wives equally), I am sure the true spirit of Islam would direct him to donate that money to needy orphans or some other good cause rather than bringing more biwis. The moral and ethical grounds you mentioned, Islam encompasses both of t hem.

[Ansoon]

Re: 4 wives???

You are forgetting a clause that is built-in by Allah to protect women.. ie. in order for a man to marry a second wife, he has to get an approval from his first wife.

[Stylical]

HUH?

You say "Islam permits him to do so.. so religiously I appreciate there is not the obvious restriction"

then you go on to say, "but on a MORAL and EHTICAL grounds is it right"..

What does Islam mean to you?

Nice reply.

[Mirch]

You are forgetting a clause that is built-in by Allah to protect women.. ie. in order for a man to marry a second wife, he has to get an approval from his first wife.

There is no such restriction in Islam about getting the permission from first or second or third wife.
Practically in this day and age I do not think that any sane man will be able to handle bickering and fighting of 4 wives. If you have faith in all the sahih ahadees then you will find out that even the wives of Holy Prophet(SAW) were jealous of each other and there was friction going on in that Holy family.
I can provide references if some one so desires.
That being said if one has four separate homes for four wives that man will be in big trouble dealing with the logistics of maintaining four households. If all four live in the same house then he will be dead in no time due to stress.
I know some people who had two wives back in Pakistan their life was not very rosy, they were under high stress constantly.

[Monk]

Re: 4 wives???

Remember! marriage is a contract.
There is a need of consent from both parties.

Do I need to say more?

[Orpheus]

Re: 4 wives???

Nah! My paycheck can only go so far.

[Monk]

Re: 4 wives???

^find working women.

[Orpheus]

Re: 4 wives???

I did and she works, as a matter of fact she's due to return today thank goodness.

[RupayHalwa]

Re: 4 wives???

So a man is allowed to have up to 4 wives.

IS a man allowed to be married to number 1, and while married to number 1, shops around for wife number 2. Window shopping - he's gotta look at her. When he is married, he is not supposed to b looking at other women like that.

So lets assume he does some window shopping and see's someone he likes, so he finds out some details about her. How does he do this? Chats her up. Should he b doing this whilst married to someone else?

So he chats her up, and gets a bit excited about it, and then he decides to take her for a test drive...

What im trying to say is... I don't deny a man his God given right to marry up to 4 wives IF he treats them in the manner in which he is supposed to treat them (near enough impossible to treat them all equally). What i do OBJECT to, is the manner in which he finds his wife number 2, 3 or 4.

[Adrasteia]

Re: 4 wives???

Where Islam allows a man to marry 4 times, it also provides certain situations under which a man can marry again.

If the first wife is not capable of having children
Or is terminally Ill are among some.

[Reha]

There is not such restriction in Islam about getting the permission from first or second or third wife. Practically in this day and age I do not think that any sane man will be able to handle bickering and fighting of 4 wives. If you have faith in all the sahih ahadees then you will find out that even the wives of Holy Prophet(SAW) were jealous of each other and there was friction going on in that Holy family. I can provide references if some one so desires. That being said if one has four separate homes for four wives that man will be in big trouble dealing with the logistics of maintaining four households. If all four live in the same house then he will be dead in no time due to stress. I know some people who had two wives back in Pakistan their life was not very rosy, they were under high stress constantly.

I hate to be the one to say this Mirch but why is that? It sounds so...upsetting? Is there some sort of hidden rule Im not seeing here? Why can he bring another wife into the home without his first wife's consent?

Ive heard both rules...you DO need permission and you DONT. I know following religion is never easy...some parts are harder than others but I just dont understand this.

[sunny-uk]

Re: 4 wives???

I think, in Islam there is no restriction of number of marriages but you are allowed to have upto 4 wives at same time, and they are subject to the approval of first ones. (as far as i know).

But this condition had a background just like we are allowed to marry with our cousin sisters / brothers. when we tell this to other religions like sikhs, hindus, christans they find it very hard to belive that how can we marry our own blood they are just like borthers and sisters, so it was announced in islam due to some issue with guys marrying to other tribe and than it was said that should give first priority into own family , tribe and area than should go for other options.

So just like that , there are conditions for marriages, you are not allowed to marry 4 women just for enjoyment or fun, but for conversion to non muslim into mulism, to widow, to women with children to support etc etc. Which i think are reasonable reasons. But if we getting married to girls just cause we allowed to have 4 wives , i dont think it justifies it.

Also in arabic culture u must have seen king married to 30 women even now these days too, etc etc its not some thing like how we husband wife live. For his sexual desires he does Nikah , buy them house, give them all the facilites and moves on and i think divroce aswell, all kids from them get equal rights , i am sure he cannot visit his 30 wives equally ? so its sound sick but according to islam he is in Nikah with her and have fullfilled and provided what she required. so its some thing technical which i am sure we will find more answers here from ppls who have good knowledge of religion.

• i dont have much knowledge about religious matters, but i have read these things and discussed quite few times with friends and families.

[TLK]

Where Islam allows a man to marry 4 times, it also provides certain situations under which a man can marry again.

If the first wife is not capable of having children Or is terminally Ill are among some.

No, marrying 2nd or 3rd time is not subjected to a condition. Simply put, if he can take care of the needs of all the wives than he can marry more

I hate to be the one to say this Mirch but why is that? It sounds so...upsetting? Is there some sort of hidden rule Im not seeing here? Why can he bring another wife into the home without his first wife's consent?

.

PSquared, Mirch did not invent the Islam. He is simply telling you the ruling and as upsetting as it may sound to some people, this is the ruling. A man does not need the permission.

[Reha]

No, marrying 2nd or 3rd time is not subjected to a condition. Simply put, if he can take care of the needs of all the wives than he can marry more

PSquared, Mirch did not invent the Islam. He is simply telling you the ruling and as upsetting as it may sound to some people, this is the ruling. A man does not need the permission.

TLK, I asked Mirch a question regarding a post HE wrote. I was looking for clarification because it makes no sense to me. If he can help me understand this 4-wives rule...what is wrong with that? He may know more about it than I do. Why cant I ask Mirch a question?

There has got to be more to this than what you write here. A man cannot simply marry anytime he wants because he starts feeling a little frisky. Where is the self-control? The way you put it, it seems like men have none.

[Mirch]

@RupayHalwa

So a man is allowed to have up to 4 wives.

IS a man allowed to be married to number 1, and while married to number 1, shops around for wife number 2. Window shopping - he’s gotta look at her. When he is married, he is not supposed to b looking at other women like that.

So lets assume he does some window shopping and see’s someone he likes, so he finds out some details about her. How does he do this? Chats her up. Should he b doing this whilst married to someone else?

So he chats her up, and gets a bit excited about it, and then he decides to take her for a test drive…

What im trying to say is… I don’t deny a man his God given right to marry up to 4 wives IF he treats them in the manner in which he is supposed to treat them (near enough impossible to treat them all equally). What i do OBJECT to, is the manner in which he finds his wife number 2, 3 or 4.

So you will not be offended if he advertises his rishta on shadi.com , newspaper or for that matter via a bill board ?

[TLK]

TLK, I asked Mirch a question regarding a post HE wrote. I was looking for clarification because it makes no sense to me. If he can help me understand this 4-wives rule...what is wrong with that? He may know more about it than I do. Why cant I ask Mirch a question?

.

I apologize. You are right. You were just asking for more clarification. My bad on that :)

A man cannot simply marry anytime he wants because he starts feeling a little frisky. Where is the self-control? The way you put it, it seems like men have none.

ActuallY Psquared, honest to goodness, that is the only reason. All other reasonings are just mumbo jumbo created by people to justify 2nd marriage.

Any other reason is equally applicable on men also (sick, infertile, incapable, what not) so women should be allowed 2nd marriage in presence of first hubby then, but its not the case.

Its just the sexual drive that men are allowed to marry twice.

[chanda_kh]

I apologize. You are right. You were just asking for more clarification. My bad on that :)

ActuallY Psquared, honest to goodness, that is the only reason. All other reasonings are just mumbo jumbo created by people to justify 2nd marriage.

Any other reason is equally applicable on men also (sick, infertile, incapable, what not) so women should be allowed 2nd marriage in presence of first hubby then, but its not the case.

Its just the sexual drive that men are allowed to marry twice.

And where exactly do you get this from.

[bob_chasm]

Hi guys,

I was interested in getting your opinion on the following topic as it proved to be an interesting debate at the dinner table yesterday evening.

Assuming a man has the capability of taking on 4 wives and treating them all equally, is it justified that he does so? Islam permits him to do so.. so religiously i appreciate there is not the obvious restriction, but on (a) moral and (b) ethical grounds, is it right?

Girls what do you think..could you share your husband?

Gentleman - your thoughts??

In my opinion, Islam allows polygamy as a way to protect orphans and widows and maintain population numbers in society during natural catastrophes and war. That too, only under specific circumstances with especially vulernable women.

In the example of the prophet p, we find he practiced monogamy with his first wife, even when others were dying of famines, plagues, floods and earthquakes in addition to wars. As another example, Ali r asked the Prophet for permission to take a second wife, and the prophet replied, only after he divorces Fatimah. So Ali remained monogamous with his first wife as did the prophet.

As far as polygamy is concerned, it is only after the death of his first wife, during these catastrophic times that he participated in polygamy with women who would have been rejected by society. Here it needs to be remembered that even Aish r came from a broken engagement (i.e. rejected by another man), which tarnished her reputation in a soiciety in which women were often considered at best a commodity and at worse a humiliating burrden.

Hence, from an ethical point of view, polygamy is okay in Islam if:

1. There is a natural catastrophe like the one in the days of the Prophet p.

2. The man is a widower (first wife has passed away).

3. The women are widowed, divorced or possibly orphaned, marrying because they need a man to take care of them.

4. The man has resources to take care of these wives.