Re: 31 unmarried
get married when you really find the ONE. Getting married for the sake of getting married is no means to any end.
Re: 31 unmarried
Thank you girls! ~The 22 year old is a second cousin. We met at a wedding 3 years ago and got on really well. He's very religious so does not go out with girls. His family have asked my mum many times for my rishta but she's really worried about the age gap. She doesn't know that he likes me so much. I've got to know him really well over the years. I get on really well with all his siblings which is why my mum thinks they keep asking. Because I look young they don't mind the age gap.
He says he likes me because of my personality. Before he met me he'd heard only good things from all my family. I am worried that this could be a 'first love' sort of thing for him. Which I think can be really intense but fizzles out once you mature. He refuses to marry anyone else.
How much do looks matter to men? I look young now, but in a few years I may look my age, how will he feel then?
He says that a happy marriage comes from getting on with one another and looks don't matter long term. I know he cares about me a lot. But we are not dating or anything like that.
Re: 31 unmarried
hey zara, i think should put the age gap aside and focus on personalities and compatibility. it's rare but there are a few people who are mature enough for marriage at that age. i've known two such people, one of them being my husband (even though we ended up getting married later). also, in my experience, a guy's first love if he's completely taken with her, doesn't fizzle easily. usually the girl stomps on his heart and he's never the same again with later relationships. if you believe he's sincere about everything he says, i can believe it too.
anyway, i would only consider it if you feel the same about him as he does you. if you're thinking of it because you think you're getting old and you won't find anyone else, then don't. there are men out there in your age group who would be very happy with someone of the same age.
Re: 31 unmarried
^ well said :)
Also, Zara......I doubt that there would be a great number of desi moms that would be okay with their sons marrying a girl who is older. I say this because it seems that desi mothers-in-law have a hard enough time dealing with girls who are either around the same age as their sons or younger, LOL. And here you have a family who has asked for your rishta many times. This shows that they're an open-minded family. From the little that you've told us, they seem like nice people, Zara. It's hard to find such in-laws these days as well.
Do YOU like the guy? Are you comfortable with him? Does he respect you? Does his family respect you and do you get along with all of them? Does he have most of the qualities that you'd want in a spouse? You could try making a list of pros and cons....and proceed from there. Keep in mind though that marriage will always be gamble regardless of age. If you're still unsure.....maybe you can try talking to him and his family about the fears/issues you have. Perhaps they might give you some reassurance.
Re: 31 unmarried
There is no such thing as "the one" in arranged marrages. You have to be prepared to find someone you can have a conversation with for a very long time, someone who doesn't talk too much, who respects you, is resonsible and most importantly makes you laugh.
I dont understand why peoeple are telling you to wait for "the one". I dont get it.
Mohtarma Bilqees…as Muslims…humara yeh iman hai k har kaam Allah ki taraf se hota hai. Har banday ki kismat alag hoti hai. Farz karo k shadi kay 5-10 saal baad…aik couple k paas koi aulaad nahin hai. To kya tum tab yeh kaho gi…“Aap 35-40 ki hain aur abhi tak aulad nahin huwee mai kitni shocked hoon”??? Aaap andhay hain…main kitni shocked hoon. Aap ka yeh kaam nahin hua abhi tak…aap ka woh kaam nahin hua abhi tak…main bahut shocked hoon.
Har kaam hamaray ya society k time schedule k mutabiq nahin hota. Aksar aisa hota hai k sub kuch hamari planning k mutabiq ready hota hai…lekin end main plan fail ho jata hai. Hazrat Ali (RA) ne kaha hai k “Main ne khuda ko apne iradon k toot jaanay se pehchana hai.” Jo bhi hoga…jab bhi hoga…Alla ki marzi.
Mujhay samajh main nahin aata k kuch log jo bhi dil main aaye…baghair sochay/samjhay bol daitay hain. Agar koi naseehat nahin de sakte…ya koi achi/encouraging baat nahin kar saktay…to hurtful/ya thoughtless baatain kyoo kartain hain. Bachon ki to aur baat hain…woh na samajh hain. Lekin baron ko to aqal honi chahiye. 
aap 31 ki hain aur abi thk shaadi nai huwee. mai kitni shocked hoon.
and GS keep on attracting all the trolls
aap 31 ki hain aur abi thk shaadi nai huwee. mai kitni shocked hoon.
Not nice.
I would think that the “smack” or “rolls eyes” smiley would be more appropriate.
You mentioned in your thread that you have no regrets over the rishtas that didn’t work out. So, you have the confidence to NOT surrender to society’s expectations. You also have the confidence NOT to settle for just anyone because of pressure. Then, don’t let someone’s thoughtless/tactless/narrow-minded/plain stupid comment get you down.
and GS keep on attracting all the trolls
I'm thinking the same. Either a troll or a multi having "fun."
If it's neither.................yikes, that's REALLY SAD. Because that just means the individual might be tactless by nature.
False.
Educated men are usually looking for someone who can get along with them on every level. Usually they prefer women who are closer to their age range. !
Also False. I am very well educated person Alhamdullilah with most stable career. My expectation doesnt fall in category of me looking for someone closer to my age or even career level. You must not generalize at all.
And as for you Zara sister...don't be discouraged. There are still great fellows out there for you. Insha'allah May Allah be with you.
Re: 31 unmarried
its so nice, caring words. i need some too. u'll make it zara...
I'm 31 and unmarried. I need to hear some positive stories about girls that found someone at this age! Deep down I feel that I'm not married because the right person for me has not come forward, I have always done istikhara for every rishta that has come, so I don't regret saying no to anyone or anyone saying no to me.
I look about 25. I have someone who keeps asking for my rishta but he's 22. He's very religious and says that age or looks have nothing to do with a long term marriage. They've been asking for 3 years. I do like him and we get on so well.
So uplifting stories about 30's brides please!
One of my cousins got married at the age of 33. Alhamdulilah, she is happily married for almost 10 yrs now.
Re: 31 unmarried
You all do have the option of ignoring silly posts you know.
Re: 31 unmarried
An aquaintance, very good looking and all with a doctorate in economics, married a white guy in her late thirties/early forties. She is happily married and has a baby as well!
Don't lose hope. And think outside the box; it is not required at all that you marry somone who is older than you or from similar family background.
Good luck!
Also False. I am very well educated person Alhamdullilah with most stable career. My expectation doesnt fall in category of me looking for someone closer to my age or even career level. You must not generalize at all.
And as for you Zara sister...don't be discouraged. There are still great fellows out there for you. Insha'allah May Allah be with you.
You may actually be the exception, not the rule.
Most well educated men are not looking for a large age gap because they want to be able to hold a conversation with their better half and connect with her. It seems silly to marry someone who may not be on the same wavelength mentally.
Re: 31 unmarried
Being well/more 'educated' does not mean one cannot connect with other person with less education.
It is a myth that only two well educated or same age people can connect with each other.
Many divorces happen when both are well educated or are of same age and one does not want to listen to other.
Connecting with each other has no rule or boundaries.
People with different age, background, education, social class or culture can and do connect very well with each other.
Some examples are either interfaith or inter-racial marriages. Or marriages with big age difference (mostly man being older) or education difference.
Thank you girls! ~The 22 year old is a second cousin. We met at a wedding 3 years ago and got on really well. He's very religious so does not go out with girls. His family have asked my mum many times for my rishta but she's really worried about the age gap. She doesn't know that he likes me so much. I've got to know him really well over the years. I get on really well with all his siblings which is why my mum thinks they keep asking. Because I look young they don't mind the age gap. He says he likes me because of my personality. Before he met me he'd heard only good things from all my family. I am worried that this could be a 'first love' sort of thing for him. Which I think can be really intense but fizzles out once you mature. He refuses to marry anyone else. How much do looks matter to men? I look young now, but in a few years I may look my age, how will he feel then? He says that a happy marriage comes from getting on with one another and looks don't matter long term. I know he cares about me a lot. But we are not dating or anything like that.
You are spot on here when you say that the age gap may matter in later years. Actually its not just about "looking your age" but emotionally the age gap may be wider as time goes. He will probably only realise this age gap when he passes 30 and you are approaching 40. It may feel awkward to both of you at that time.
Then again, dont rule out the possibility that you could pull it through. It does depend on your personalities & compatibility factor. If during your marriage you have developed a fine balance of sharing each others company as well as having your separate identities, then the age gap will probably not matter a great deal.