Question for the ladies,
A friend of mine recently had a proposal from some1 who’s already married. Even though they’ve known eachother for a long time and she did have feelings for him before he was married she didn’t have to think about the answer; a big fat NO!
SO I was wondering, how many of you would consider it? I have listed a few options of possible answers:
A big fat no, don’t even have to think about it
Only if I am say 35+, still single and unable to find anyone
If my parents wanted me to
Yes if it’s a good ‘rishta’ why not?
If i’d be widowed/divorced then I’d go for it
etc
Correct me if I’m wrong, I think for guys it’s a sunnah to have multiple wifes?! You do however need the permission of your wife(s) before u go on and get married again. Now I’ve heard different versions on that too, some say it’s not necessary to have permission cuz it’s going to cause trouble in the marriage if she know’s about the ‘other’ wife.
Is there anyone who can enlighten me on this topic?
Allah khair karay Shinoo its not "sunnah" in that sense
for me, its a BIG FAT NO dont even have to think about it
and i know my parents would never want me to either
i'd rather stay single all my life than be a second wife [in fact recently i'm seriously thinking staying single is not a bad option, why not, banda apni marzi se zindagi guzaray, marriage is not farz in islam, aur duniya mein boht kuch rakha hae for a person to do other than get married n raise a family, why just follow societal convention, andho kee tarhan bhair chaal?]
unless the first wife has passed away or officially divorced etc, then ofcourse its different lekin to be a second wife when there is a jeeti jaagti first wife is like TERRIBLE
i've seen such marriages very closely, and trust me its HELL for the woman and i'd never ever want to go thru that, u must have heard that saying k aurat ka dil bohot bara hota hae wo sab kuch bardaasht ker sakti hae but she cant share her husband :)
i really respect those women and admire them who can do samjhota with their halaat and can live with their sokans peacefully, coz its not easy
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ShiNoO: *Correct me if I'm wrong, I think for guys it's a sunnah to have multiple wifes?!
[/QUOTE]
You can't really say that. The Prophet (SAWS) spent 25 years married to a single woman (10 of those years after becoming a prophet). He only spent around 10 years having multiple wives.
Which situation would be sunnah? You can't really say that either one is.
Irem, for me too it would be a big fat no! I don't want to stay single though :) Insh'Allah one day I'll get married (never a second wife)
Care to elaborate some mroe on why you don't wnt to get married at all?
Medic, ok so having multiple wifes might not be a sunnah in that sense but what about mrrying a wdiowed/divorced woman?
**Yaar Why marry in the first place, siyaapa nira **
So true irem, I agree u 500% . Shaadi is not everything. U can live a perfect life without getting married.
Shinoo, interesting topic I cant comment on the 2nd wife case, as I cant see my self bein married in future :-S
I've considered it before, but now I dont think I would if it came up again. But I dont see anything wrong with it, if done the right way and for honest reasons.
And according to what I have read, there is no need for permission from the first wife to marry a second, although the first wife can divorce the husband on those grounds.
Again, the women who the Prophet (SAWS) married were not all widows, were not all divorced, and at least two (and probably three, my memory is fuzzy on one respected individual right now) were virgins when he married them.
Given the mixture, how can you say which is that marrying one type of woman is sunnah and another is not?
Munni, I thought that a man marrying a second wife is grounds for divorce only if it is written into the nikkah contract with the first wife that he shall never take a second wife?
Though I truly don’t understand why any man would marry more than one woman. I mean, who would actually want twice the nagging?
Hmmm Good question.
I really dont want be a second wife it 's horrible
i think.
And it looks more horrible if you and the first wife
of your husband live one 1 roof.
If a man ask me to marry him and he is married i
surley said NO.
But thank god im a First wife of my Hubby and i sure im
the only one.
I would do it if the person was divorced (the reason for the divorce would be something to cnsider though), or if they were widowed.
I dont see anything wrong with being a 2nd wife.. but in the sametime as the person having a his 1st wife around. Thats just stupid. A marriage is complicated enought dealing with all the rishtays why make it worse?
If he is still married to the first wife then no way. If he is divorcing her to marry me even not then. Haan if was divorced for reasons not relevant to me then I may.
Nescio i mean to say k its not sunnah in the sense k it is one of those sunnah which ppl are told to follow deliberately…like something religious…
hmm…actually thats just my personal understanding n dont want to say something wrong abt religion so i’ll keep my mouth shut
Sherni aho siyapa nira
Shinoo hmmm i guess i shouldnt be derailing the thread specially being mod so i’ll give u a brief reply…hmmm, i guess recently i’ve seen so many marriages go bad (some of ppl very close to me) and ladies say k shadi k baad life boring ho jati hay ye wo k i’m kinda put off by the whole idea…i like being my own marzi kee maalik n doing whatever i wanna do, go wherever i wanna go whenenver i wanna, and wearing whatever i wanna, sometimes not caring if if i’m not made up and not looking nice, shadi k baad ye saari azadian khatam ho jati haen…u have to be conscious of ur role 24/7… plus the ayashi that we get at our parents house yaar, jitnay nakhray hamaray parents hamaray bardaasht kerte haen duniya mein kon karay ga? plus guys these days, tobbah meri, Allah kee panah un se :o
Remember, that just because something is allowed in Islam it does not mean it's mandatory.
I thought it was allowable in cases where there was a shortage of men (i.e. war had killed them) or when one wife was unable to bear children...this allows the women to be married and taken of care of, in an Islamic way under the protection of Islamic law. There are stories of Germany post WWII, women became prostitutes and/or were willing to sleep around because they had no one or way to support themselves, and they wanted a guy around but there were so few guys they were left with few options.
In the second case it allows men to marry again and have a blood child, without divorcing his first wife.
I also think that in other cases where older men are divorcing their older wives to marry young things, perhaps this could be avoided if they had the option to marry a young thing while staying married to their first. I’ve heard of a lot of Muslim families where there is a set of children from the older wife and a second set of much younger half siblings from the second wife.
All these situations allow women the ability to have a relationship, access to allowable sex, and social & financial protection.
I think there's some great intelligence in allowing multiple marriages in such cases.
It seems you guys are talking two different things here. When someone uses the term “2nd wife” in a muslim society, it generally means having two wives at the same time. If the first wife is either dead or divorced, thats hardly referred to as “2nd wife”. Its typically called “re-marrying”, and there are lots of cases like that. Having multiple wives at the same time is not as common, though. And I thought that is what is being asked in this thread.
A misconception is that marrying multiple wives at the same time is a “sunnah” (meaning something we ought to do and get reward). Thats not true. The Quranic ayat permitting polygamy imposes a substantial condition, which some claim is an impossible condition, and then says if you can’t do that then don’t marry multiple wives. So right there it shatters the myth that all of us should do that. Infact its exactly the opposite. It differentiates a messanger from an ordinary muslim. We can not possibly reach the level of Prophet Muhammad :saw: in terms of keeping justice amongst multiple wives.
Having said all that, while there are many women who will be totally against marrying a person who already has a wife, there will be relatively fewer women who will outrightly reject a widower or a divorcee. Ofcourse, if the widower/divorcee comes with the baggage of kids from a prior wife, then it again complicates matters. I am sure some women will still not marry a “used good”, a person who was married to someone else, but life is full of unexpected and a person can get divorced due to many reasons, some of them are outside his controls. Same is true if a wife or a husband dies. I don’t think we should hold it against a girl or a guy if their first marriage did not succeed or their spouse died. Each of these cases should be evaluated on its merits, as to why the divorce took place and or whether the first wife died by natural causes, or did the guy killed her and kept all the jahaiz! No one will fault you if you refuse to marry a murderer.
I cant comment on the 2nd wife case, as I cant see my self bein married in future :-S 
at least that’s what the Hadith literature says?
aho siyapa nira 