Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
What is the big deal about getting married, anyways?
Get a hobby, ladies. You have less to lose with that.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
I'm disturbed by the amount of people on this thread who ASSUME that somebody who does get married in their early twenties HAS to be UNeducated ??!! What ??
Im 23, got married when I was 22. My husband is 4 years older than me. And I'm very proud to say that mashAllah we are both well educated to masters level. We both hold undergraduate and masters degrees, my husband in electrical engineering and I in biology. mashAllah my husband is very intelligent, educated AND young, as am I. And I also currently work as a school teacher here in the uk, so im not jobless, as some people on this thread have also assumed about people who marry young.
mashAllah my husband makes me very very happy and I in no way regret getting married at this age at all :)
Just thought I would share a story about people who got married young and are also educated with jobs.
It would be great if people would stop assuming that ONLY women who choose to be educated and 'make something of themselves' decide to get married later and anybody who gets married early must be useless with no education and nothing better to do in life. Pretty insulting to those of us who are married young and educated right??
And also extremely presumptuous of some particular people.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
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Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
I am 30, and up until now, never got one rishta in my life, despite being active in the religious scene. I made the "mistake" of living at the dorms in college, which I would not trade that experience for anything in the world, since driving was 1-2 hrs drive from home to college. I was told at some party that I'm a "mod girl", and that was that. The only girls who got rishtas in my community were the ones who weren't even done with high school. My family doesn't know many families outside that circle, and with my dad holding down four jobs, he didn't have the time to take us to dawats where we could be shown off for marriage, and with all my exams, I didn't have time for it either. Guys at my college? Sure, they were marrying SAHM's pretty much all of them. The girls might have had some education, but no one was putting in long hours at work, and some of them did part time work IF they DID work. Some of those guys - their families brought over girls from Pakistan. Or there were just huge cultural differences like myself being Pakistani and guys being arabs. And that was a HANDFUL of desis in my college. Where I was, most guys went to community college OR left the state for education elsewhere.
please excuse me for not being able to figure out if
1) you really want a partner but you're not getting one
2) you are just pissed off a bit because you're not getting any proposals
i personally think marriage is not a very big deal. i'm 23 and i am seriously thinking of never getting married. when i think about marriage all that comes to my mind is security(monetary), kids, saa-bahu conflicts, kids(now this is a nightmare), you cannot just be cool when you have kids. you have to make sure they turn out well. basically its all shoulder crushing responsibility and no fun. for e.g. if i want to climb the everest some day after i start earning, i don't think its even remotely possible to achieve if you're married. also there is so much to do in the world around (for our society, for our country, for humanity), there's no dearth of work, of the need for improvement. one cannot get bored. keeping in mind all these, marriage seems to be a very small part of (if not a deterrent to) an awesome life which can easily be done away with.
ALSO i think i've posted the same text twice and i can't find the delete button anywhere.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
You are either a victim of circumstance or a victim of your own actions. Usually, it is the latter category. Most of the single girls in our social circle, that are in their late 20's and 30's and are having difficulties getting married are the same girls that mocked their friends and cousins when they got married right after college or even during undergrad. These were the girls that took perverse pleasure in turning down good rishtas when they were 21/22, instead making fun of the backward mentalities of families who would even consider getting married before they got XYZ diplomas or whatever.
These girls were then dumbfounded to discover that once they had completed their journey of self discovery, saving the planet, world tour, racking up degrees and scoring cushy six figure gigs, that there wasn't a line of eligible bachelors patiently waiting for the opportunity to whisk them away to their dream wedding.
The point is, yes it takes compromises, sacrifices, and you can't have everything your own way and at the schedule that is most convenient for you. The world just doesn't work that way. You might have to move, you might have to push back some of your plans or even give up on some of them. Sure, some people get lucky and it all works out. But to assume that is always going to be the case, despite plenty of evidence to suggest otherwise, is just naive. At the end of the day, it's about priorities. You strive to achieve what is important to you.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
Actually there are guys waiting at the end of that rainbow path. I wouldn't trade in the decisions I made to go back to 21 and get married. I had zero proposals at the time and even now because we aren't involved with the desi community. In fact apart from a small college group of Pakistanis the only people who are Paki I speak to consistently are you guys on GS. So I had to find other ways of networking and it's paid off, I finally found someone I can respect and care about.
Encouraging girls to get married young at the expense of education is what has gotten our community into severe trouble in the first place. Look around you and see how many dysfunctional couples there are.
And the couples that got married with dream weddings they paid for at 20...some are now divorced, those girls have nowhere to go and are going to vocational schools now to get a job since they're on their own. Some couples are just not happy but they're trekking through. There are a few that are still together.
But when bad things happen and you're left without an education, your parents not around anymore, maybe even kids to support, and you're that mom who has no way of making a living and has to rely on ex husband to make child support - if he can even.
I can tell you there are a lot of creeps out there and not all girl's get the blessing of a good husband. Having no back up option because you didn't go to school - well, do it at your own risk people. I can just tell you how many stories I come across of women who are trying to survive now because husband left them, or husband lost his job, or in one case here, husband went to jail because he was caught stealing and now the girl who has zero education is having us help doing yard sales so she can pay bills. Or the lady I'll be donating all my stuff to when I move who has seven kids and left her abusive husband and the masjid is trying to figure out employment options for her. Or some of the horror stories even you hear in this website.
Always be prepared. Arm yourself with education and a job before you get married, less likely you'll be taken advantage of. And there ARE guys out there. Lots of nice engineers and docs from Pakistan who have grown out of these silly ideas of girls should be married at 21.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
Topic of early marriage? I am 21, and will be 22 next yr. Wish I could get married early at age 23-24, but doesnt seem like a possibility now. I graduate at age 23 and then I would want to work. Cant wait for that phase in life where I earn, advance my career, help out with family expenditures etc.
20 Year old Pakistani Girls
The aim should not be to just get married ASAP because then if that fails things turn really ugly.I wasn't saying that people who get married young aren't educated or have goals in life , my apologies if it sounded like that, have many friends who are pharmacists, physiotherapists and what not either married, engaged or then getting married in the very near future. But not everyone by this age, of twenty two is able to establish themselves. Life is not all rosy, education prepares you for most if not all of life's hurdles. Then again, this is all about personal priorities. Being well educated isn't a must, nothing is a must. Everything should be kept into perspective, marriage, education, age etc it's important to try and keep all of life's affairs in order, at least try.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
Honestly what's with this obsession about getting married? Not everyone gets a choice in life. Sometimes girls have to step up and take responsibility of their families. Not everyone has parents well settled and well off. I am 28 not married. Do I regret not getting married earlier? Nope, not one bit. I got to help my parents and that's more important for me. I don't think I am old. If some stuckup aunty or guy thinks I am too old for marriege well then they can go right ahead and get some 20 yr old.
Yes, it is important to have a life partner. But if you don't, it's not the end of the world. And screw society they always find something to talk about. You get married then they have a problem if you don't have kids. You have kids then they have a problem if they are not getting married. It just never ends.
Enjoy life, be positive and find something to be happy about in whatever situation you are in.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
You are either a victim of circumstance or a victim of your own actions. Usually, it is the latter category. Most of the single girls in our social circle, that are in their late 20's and 30's and are having difficulties getting married are the same girls that mocked their friends and cousins when they got married right after college or even during undergrad. These were the girls that took perverse pleasure in turning down good rishtas when they were 21/22, instead making fun of the backward mentalities of families who would even consider getting married before they got XYZ diplomas or whatever.
These girls were then dumbfounded to discover that once they had completed their journey of self discovery, saving the planet, world tour, racking up degrees and scoring cushy six figure gigs, that there wasn't a line of eligible bachelors patiently waiting for the opportunity to whisk them away to their dream wedding.
The point is, yes it takes compromises, sacrifices, and you can't have everything your own way and at the schedule that is most convenient for you. The world just doesn't work that way. You might have to move, you might have to push back some of your plans or even give up on some of them. Sure, some people get lucky and it all works out. But to assume that is always going to be the case, despite plenty of evidence to suggest otherwise, is just naive. At the end of the day, it's about priorities. You strive to achieve what is important to you.
i agree with this minus the part i bolded. that is wayyyy too young. 24+ is a good age.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
Honestly what's with this obsession about getting married? Not everyone gets a choice in life. Sometimes girls have to step up and take responsibility of their families. Not everyone has parents well settled and well off. I am 28 not married. Do I regret not getting married earlier? Nope, not one bit. I got to help my parents and that's more important for me. I don't think I am old. If some stuckup aunty or guy thinks I am too old for marriege well then they can go right ahead and get some 20 yr old. Yes, it is important to have a life partner. But if you don't, it's not the end of the world. And screw society they always find something to talk about. You get married then they have a problem if you don't have kids. You have kids then they have a problem if they are not getting married. It just never ends. Enjoy life, be positive and find something to be happy about in whatever situation you are in.
I couldn't agree more. This is the best way to go about it. We need more people having a similar progressive thought process.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
please excuse me for not being able to figure out if 1) you really want a partner but you're not getting one 2) you are just pissed off a bit because you're not getting any proposals
i personally think marriage is not a very big deal. i'm 23 and i am seriously thinking of never getting married. when i think about marriage all that comes to my mind is security(monetary), kids, saa-bahu conflicts, kids(now this is a nightmare), you cannot just be cool when you have kids. you have to make sure they turn out well. basically its all shoulder crushing responsibility and no fun. for e.g. if i want to climb the everest some day after i start earning, i don't think its even remotely possible to achieve if you're married. also there is so much to do in the world around (for our society, for our country, for humanity), there's no dearth of work, of the need for improvement. one cannot get bored. keeping in mind all these, marriage seems to be a very small part of (if not a deterrent to) an awesome life which can easily be done away with.
ALSO i think i've posted the same text twice and i can't find the delete button anywhere.
I use to be like this till i hit 28...
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
Half an hour ago I was in a circle of six friends, all between 30 and 40. Only one of us was happily married while two of us were divorced with not much inclination towards remarrying, one had a broken engagement as recently as last week, one with a mother not much interested in giving away her only son, and the last, well, he is too perplexed by others' experiences and doesn't know what to do.
So, you see, not many guys are getting married either.
Man....thats one dangerous circle. be careful :D
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
please excuse me for not being able to figure out if 1) you really want a partner but you're not getting one 2) you are just pissed off a bit because you're not getting any proposals
i personally think marriage is not a very big deal. i'm 23 and i am seriously thinking of never getting married. when i think about marriage all that comes to my mind is security(monetary), kids, saa-bahu conflicts, kids(now this is a nightmare), you cannot just be cool when you have kids. you have to make sure they turn out well. basically its all shoulder crushing responsibility and no fun. for e.g. if i want to climb the everest some day after i start earning, i don't think its even remotely possible to achieve if you're married. also there is so much to do in the world around (for our society, for our country, for humanity), there's no dearth of work, of the need for improvement. one cannot get bored. keeping in mind all these, marriage seems to be a very small part of (if not a deterrent to) an awesome life which can easily be done away with.
ALSO i think i've posted the same text twice and i can't find the delete button anywhere.
This this, and this.
Marriage holds you back from so much. Especially if you have children.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
My point was that unless you have mom/dad taking care of your college expenses/wedding expenses or you were very bright and managed to get a full scholarship then you will have college loans to pay off once you graduate.
I'm basically saying if you haven't got a rich (or not) mom and pops taking care of all your expenses then getting married will not be what your immediate priorities are after college. The average conscientious 21+ old will be thinking about paying off loans/getting into the job market rather than getting ready for a wedding with loans and such stacked up. I suppose this also only applies to lower/lower middle-class people like me who do have financial obligations.
Totes hating on middle/upper-class desi girls right now.com
Disclaimer this only goes for girls in their immediate early 20s.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
This this, and this. Marriage holds you back from so much. Especially if you have children.
Apparently it only holds you back if you're a girl.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
Apparently it only holds you back if you're a girl.
nope its the case both ways. shackles of marriage bind both genders though not with equal force.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
But isn't it like the girl's managing their lives so that hubby can work on his career. So if u get divorced, he has progressed in his career cuz u were there to take care of the kids and the home. But since all that goes to show for nothing (in the workplace, and future marriage prospects) ur left nowhere. But he can just find wife #2 and start from scratch (with his kids ofcourse).
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
when priorities of life are not Iman and taqwa, and we keep we judging people on how well they dress up or how many degrees they posses or how big and stuffed their house is, then we are bound to be punished.
so whether people get married at the age of 20 or 30, I see everyone in misery, because ppl are marrying for all the wrong reasons, to satisfy their hunger. No one is marrying to find a good father or mother for their future generation, or who can help them be a better person.
Re: 20 Year old Pakistani Girls
But isn't it like the girl's managing their lives so that hubby can work on his career. So if u get divorced, he has progressed in his career cuz u were there to take care of the kids and the home. But since all that goes to show for nothing (in the workplace, and future marriage prospects) ur left nowhere. But he can just find wife #2 and start from scratch (with his kids ofcourse).
you are assuming the husband to be the bad guy and the wife to be the good guy. i assume both to be good, even then marriage might turn out to be a cage for some(both men and women) who just can't chase their dreams due to the responsibilities.