1st cousins gettin married!!

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

most of my dad's family has had cuzn mariages.. thank god it didnt happen for me.. but Alhumdulillah everyones kids have been healthy mA.. and theyre all happily married..

personally im not too fond of cuzn marriages jst cuz of the differences that might come to be if someone cant adjust or god forbid a divorce happens.. u lose relationships with ur family and then theres alwayz a grudge.. but some things arent in our hands.. and as they say all marriages are made in heaven.

22

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

Initially i didn't think anything was wrong getting married in the family, but one incident in my hubby's family, forced me to think otherwise... Hubby's family is huge and they are so many cousin marriages between them... even hubby's bro is married to his first cousin... but they lost their 8 yr ol son to the rare blood condition called Fanconi's Anaemia... now nobody from the hubby's family even heard of this disease but the doctor told them it was due to inter family marriages and happens when both the parents carried the diseased gene.... never thought it was even true when people used to tell me that cousin marriages cause abnormility in kids and blah blah .... the incident sure opened up my eye..

23

LOL...

btw, what is the Pir of Dhump?

24

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

The cousin marriage was brought up in my family and my parents said NO...they dont allow it.

I also heard - simply heard - that cousin marriages are not encouraged in Islam. Is that true? Meaning, if you can marry outside the family, it is preferred.

I Did a Glycolic Acid Peel Last Night and now...HELP!!!
25

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

Absolutely disgusting. A lot of south asian first cousins grow up as siblings!! Disgusting!!

26

yup

27

i have asked a scholar about cousin marriages. he said that its allowed in islam but a person should look out of family first and than in family.

28

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

only in a "perfect" scenario...

and there are no perfect scenarioS :@:

29

I agree with you totally. I mean, I don't OPPOSE them in general, as they are islamically allowed, but I don't want to be in one or have my kids married to their cousins. Too much extra baggage comes with the marraige.

30

First remember that when almost half of the Pakistani population is married to their cousin, this thread will cause a lot of sensitivity..because I'm sure many people here are the product of such cousin marriages.

A few weeks ago I was at a dawat and I realized that my parents were the only non-cousin couple in the room! So weird.

I would not encourage cousin marriages among my own kids personally. If one liked the other, ok, but not as a common thing. My friend and her sister married their two cousins a few years back, and one of the pairs divorced. The divorced brother moved away, but sometimes the divorced sister visits her married sister, and it is awkward for the married husband. They are staying together, but it is very hard for the drama not to seep over into their own lives. One pair has a son and the other has a daughter and that would be really wrong if they married because genetically they are almost brother and sister!

31

I don't oppose first cousin marriages, I think there is a reason they are ALLOWED in Islam...

what i do oppose is when families only marry their childern to first cousins or other close cousins, generations after generations...its followed like a strict rule that none of their children, are going to marry out side family...

marrying a non-cousin or out of family is considered a big tabooo in a lot of families in pakistan... I think there's a reason why Islam doesn't anywhere (from any hadees, sunnat, quran verses) advocate this type of cousin/family marriages generation after generation...

it creates a lot of problems (not just genetics/health related problems as others have pointed out, but also many girls or boys don't end up getting good rishtas, some (shockingly) in pakistan remain unmarried, because they couldn't find a compatible (interms of age) cousin to marry...

as far as genetics go... if cousin marriages happen a few times, or once ina while in a family, its pretty ok... the risks are not significant at all...

however imagine, if your grandparents were first cousins, your parents were first cousins, you and your husband first cousins or close cousins, and your child is also going to marry a first cousin or a close cousin....if u continue down this line , then yes, genetics does become an issue because there is no new genes being brought in and mixed with the family's gene pool...

for my kids, if they wanna marry a first cousin, i would gladly give my blessing... because my grandparents were not first cousins (i dont even think they were distant relatives but not sure), my parents were not related at all(2 completely different families), my husband and i are not related (completely different families), so if a cousin marriage does end up happening after a few generations its fine...

Islam doesn't Prohibit it, its perfectly allowed...but Islam also doesn't Specifically select or advocate it as the "first" or "best" or "only" choice either... and we have to keep both these things in mind

Timepass- May 2012
Timepass- May 2012
32

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

[QUOTE]

Islam doesn't Prohibit it, its perfectly allowed...but Islam also doesn't Specifically select or advocate it as the "first" or "best" or "only" choice either... and we have to keep both these things in mind
[/QUOTE]

unfortunately our ppl forget that part, and take it to an extreme, in that case it's simply cz of greed or some stupidity...

33

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

jub lerka larky razi to kiya kare ga kazi
ager cousin achy lgty/lagta hai, tu ussy se shadi main kiya herj hai

ye western chonchlay hain, hamain in main nah perna chahiyay!

Parallel History of India
34

thanx for all the replys!

Im married to my first cousin, and we are gettin along very well, but guess what, the only people we feel are pulling us apart is the same family that got us both together, ( both are very stubbon )
and basically are families are not even talkin, but luckly our relationship is stronger, then this but sometimes I do feel very low!! and we both want to walk away from everyone.

I wont encourage my child/ren to get married to their first cousins cause families get to involved and relationships between brothers ands sisters lost, (his parent, and mine)
likely my child is healthy.

35

wow,
u are not the only one i know who is in this situation...

there was a couple among my parents family friends... who were first cousins...I dont know how they came to marry each other (most likely it was initially arranged by families)...but later on, the families were the ones who wanted to see an end to the marriage and even clearly/admittedly wanted divorce between the two!

but the couple was very much in love and lived happily away from it all, in a different country.. their relationship was much stronger than any I have seen I guess because others so close to them were so unfairly against it, so the husband/wife were responsible for gaurding/protecting it themselves.....and the husband as well as wife both knew that their family was just having all those issues due to fueds and zidds and other things that made no sense what so ever...

as far as health of children go, that is in Allah's hands, many first cousins upon marriage have mashallah perfectly healthy intelligent beautiful kids and inshallah u will too...but the point is ...if in a population intermarriages continue over generations and generations, then the frequency of defects etc increases in these populations, even with such high frequencies there will be still people with normal healthy kids/genes...so its at the population level that it affects ...

36

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

Personally, I would never agree to one. I see my cousins in the same way i see my brothers.

37

Good summary. I agree.

38

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

its a great way of messing up relationships between siblings.. so no. a khala becoming a saas or a phupo becoming a saas... irkh... cousins that suddenly become jets and devars and nands... everything just gets messed up cuz dynamics change.

marry outside and maintain a love relationship with ure family (granted u have one to start off with :D )

but if my child were to fall in love with a cousin.. then i wouldnt stop them..

39

Re: 1st cousins gettin married!!

my mum wanted me to marry my khala's son sum time ago. i talked her out of it saying that i saw him as my brother and nothing more. it took sum persuasion but she finally got the picture.

40

I don't see anything wrong with being married to your cousin. I know a few girls who are happily married to their cousins.

But I won't encourage that with my children. I won't oppose to it either if that's what they really want.
Me, my sibblings and my cousins grew up being more brother/sisters and I think my children will feel the same.