19 year old ready to get married?

njgal · May 28, 2009, 6:43pm

What do you say to a guy that is 19 and thinks that he’s in LOVE and ready for a commitment to a gal at this age.

He’s still in school - she’s still in school and no way ready to be married financially. (personally I think emotionally they are too young as well)

How to convince them both that waiting is probably a better idea?

redvelvet · May 28, 2009, 6:54pm

Re: 19 year old ready to get married?

I know a guy who got engaged at 21. But that's only engaged. And 21 is better than 19, lolz. Is the guy afraid that his girlfriend will get marred quickly (since girls tend to marry in early twenties in desi culture) and that he'll miss out on the opportunity?

You can try to convince the guy that it would be better for him to graduate and get a career so that he'll be able to support a wife and family. Plus, bring up the point that this will make him appear more mature and qualified in the eyes of the girl's parents. Or try to turn the issue around on the guy. If he has a sister who is single, ask him if he'd feel comfortable with his sister marrying a guy who is not even close to being settled. That might make him think.

Nicely tell him that nobody is saying that he should not marry the girl. Rather, he should also consider how having a degree and job will make marriage better for them........as opposed to ONLY thinking about the "heady" feeling of "LOVE." Try to get him to postpone engagement until after graduating. And then marriage can take place when he gets a good job. Or if he can't wait until graduation, then the other (more reasonable alternative) is a long engagement.......(although this has it's complications as well).

Do you know the girl? Try talking to her and convincing her that waiting is better. And maybe she can, in turn, convince him to wait as well.

Khubsoorat_Collection · May 28, 2009, 6:58pm

Re: 19 year old ready to get married?

uff yaar vhat nonsence! 19! he is still a kid!

love makes you lose your marbles yaar!

but RV vhat great advice yaar! wow!

zobia · May 28, 2009, 6:58pm

Re: 19 year old ready to get married?

one has to trust ALLAH SWT. that yeh nahi to or sahi!

if he really loves her ask him to pray for her that she gets even better than him, cuz that is what the love is about....Sacrifice!

...love is not about getting married making babies, and neglecting your basic and foremost responsibilities.

so ask him to focus his studies...otherwise chokeray k pass nokeri nahi to rokera bhi nahi, to chokeri bhi nahi milti.

redvelvet · May 28, 2009, 6:58pm

Re: 19 year old ready to get married?

Here's another idea. ** Have your husband talk to the guy man-to-man. Men understand men. And perhaps your husband could explain the various **EXPENSES that come with a marriage..........because you're not only responsible for yourself now.........you have another person to consider.........and possibly little ones in the future. Maybe once the 19-year-old guy hears about all the EXPENSES.......he'll be freaked out enough to postpone the wedding until he finds a job or at least graduates with a practical degree. A real-life lesson (kind of like home-economics class, lol) ;)

njgal · May 28, 2009, 7:09pm

:D This would be my husbands advice -

At 19 you should have 19 girl friends why aren't you boggin yourself down to one - enjoy life man - travel - eat nihari everyday Forget marriage - pagal ho gaye ho!"

But like I said - he thinks and she thinks they are in LOVE and LOVE conquers all.

They are both heading towards med school so it's a loooooong time before they are both on their feet.

I intent is to nudge them in the right direction.

Kids are really voilatile with their emotions at this age - don't want them to go get hitched in court (but I think the girl is much more smarter than to do that)

Monk · May 28, 2009, 7:18pm

And you let him get away with it?
Enough!!
now you go to your parent's and let the Mr. realise if he miss you more or he miss nihari more.
Each time he beg you to come back You tell him "honey there it nihari in the freezer"

njgal · May 28, 2009, 7:21pm

boolnay do PM - boolnay say kia hota hai

The truth is the guy can't survive a day without me. If I go to my parents house - if I look back he'll be two steps behind me.

zobia · May 28, 2009, 7:24pm

so the thread is about you for real?
hmmm

well i can say apa jaan inna gharoor acha nahi hota k he cant survive a day without you.

Monk · May 28, 2009, 7:29pm

I say lets test it!!!
NJ you are going to your patents. Lets get done with this.

@zobia
gharoor naheen pyar

njgal · May 28, 2009, 7:30pm

Re: 19 year old ready to get married?

zobia - dude he has nowhere to else to go.

zobia · May 28, 2009, 7:31pm

ya phir payar ka natak

lol. indian movies nay meri vocab bhut khrab ker di hai

zobia · May 28, 2009, 7:33pm

what do you mean by this?

so if he dont get the girl, will he commit suicide ?

njgal · May 28, 2009, 7:33pm

I have tested it - when I had my daughter and had some time off I went to parents for 2 months - he came every weekend.

When we got married - he had so many friends and they were all single but everyone is now married and kids and responsibility of their own.

They would be like “bhai - ab apany ghar jao” and one thing that my hubby cannot stand is to be alone. He’s sooo not the LONER type.

Monk · May 28, 2009, 7:33pm

lets put it to test!!!

come on!!! show time!

Monk · May 28, 2009, 7:36pm

Zobia njgal is happily married.
Mashallah she does counseling for ppl.

njgal · May 28, 2009, 7:36pm

zobia - what are you talking about?

I wish our lives had 5 minutes of peace and quite to explore ourselves.

Mindless · May 28, 2009, 7:44pm

Lolz ... Thanks for a good laugh :D

zobia · May 28, 2009, 7:44pm

pata nahi.

i read this comment so i though you r was talking about your scenario.

ps. i appologize for the previous posts.

zobia · May 28, 2009, 7:46pm

but i was serious in that post