Re: 18 and marriage?
^ you put it out more bluntly than I could. It's exactly why most people tend to gossip because the couple know they're husband and wife now and it's kosher to be more intimate but other people still see it as something like an engagement and talk crap. That's why it shouldn't be a prolonged nikkah.
Re: 18 and marriage?
But if the guy is religious he is aware that Nikkah is marriage and rukhsati means nothing. I'm sure he will want to have sex with his wife after nikkah.
Exactly. Nikkah is marriage and with marriage come responsibilities eg.what if he gets her pregnant whilst he has no income or will the girl be able to finish her studies whilst married and needing to give more attention to her new husband..
Re: 18 and marriage?
^ you put it out more bluntly than I could. It's exactly why most people tend to gossip because the couple know they're husband and wife now and it's kosher to be more intimate but other people still see it as something like an engagement and talk crap. That's why it shouldn't be a prolonged nikkah.
maybe I did not understand your post, either way 1-2 years sounds like a prolonged nikkah to me.
Re: 18 and marriage?
^ :)
Trust me I've seen prolonged nikkahs. 4-5 years and from the looks of it, not a good idea.
Re: 18 and marriage?
what is a prolonged nikah?? 
isn’t it either a nikah or not a nikah??
nikah is done…then u can do all the ‘stuff’…no??
Re: 18 and marriage?
Islamically you are totally halal for each other, but hey why let religion get in the way of cultural practise.
Re: 18 and marriage?
Islamically you are totally halal for each other, but hey why let religion get in the way of cultural practise.
but what do u guys mean by prolonged nikah?? is it that when there is nikah done and 'rukhsati' is delayed?? and the couple can't together untill the rukhsati thing is done??
Re: 18 and marriage?
but what do u guys mean by prolonged nikah?? is it that when there is nikah done and 'rukhsati' is delayed?? and the couple can't together untill the rukhsati thing is done??
My people don't do this prolonged nikkah business. It's pretty simple for us....
Nikkah - Morning/ Afternoon
Walima - Afternoon/Evening
Bed - Night
Re: 18 and marriage?
Desis may be narrow minded but that is pushing it a bit, I’ve never heard of issues arising in a family over two nikkah-fied people meeting up or hanging out. Most desis understand the concept of nikkah = marriage 
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Re: 18 and marriage?
Same, I’ve never really heard of anyone I personally know having issues with that.
Re: 18 and marriage?
I think that until your brother has a steady job and can support a family he shouldn't get married. Marriage is serious responsibility.
Re: 18 and marriage?
but what do u guys mean by prolonged nikah?? is it that when there is nikah done and 'rukhsati' is delayed?? and the couple can't together untill the rukhsati thing is done??
Yeap that's what I meant , it's that stretched period of time between nikkah and actual rukhsati.
Desis may be narrow minded but that is pushing it a bit, I've never heard of issues arising in a family over two nikkah-fied people meeting up or hanging out. Most desis understand the concept of nikkah = marriage .
I've seen a few cases but then they apply to couples who get comfy enough to go on vacations alone etc., then it becomes the gossip of town. Other than that I have also seen people meddling in between the families if rukhsati gets delayed for too long (years) coming up with their own theories on why the rukhsati isnt happening or that the guy isn't even interested in marrying the girl in the first place.
My point is it's better for this guy to get married now, preferably have them live with his parents meanwhile but if that's not do-able then a nikkah without delaying the rukhsati for a very long time.
Re: 18 and marriage?
If you a mature 18 year old and are understanding that marriage is a lifetime commitment you should be fine, otherwise I advise you look into yourself and seek guidance from olders and make dua to help figure out your path.
I personally feel 18 is a bit young because today we have so much at our reach we seem to not value such things as marriage.
Re: 18 and marriage?
Personally, I don't see a problem with it either. If he wants to get married, sure! Let him! If he can find someone who wants to marry him, why not? However, both of them should understand that the first few years of their marriage won't be so good n' dandy. They should be encouraged to further their studies, especially if they are to live in the West and find part-time jobs to support themselves financially. The studying idea will be a great investment for their future and the part-time jobs will keep them going for the meantime. It will be tough, but if he's serious about it, it should be ok.
The biggest downside to an early marriage is the responsibilities. 18 is so young! You can do so much at that age. He has almost a decade worth of work and establishment that he can do to make himself a more financially or even more mature man. However, if he really feels that this is the age, let him do it, we're no-one to stop him.
We can talk as much about this issue as we can, but we won't come to a conclusion. Everyone has varying ideas. I've seen mature people's marriages go sour and have seen young couples marriages become stronger day by day. Whatever is in your fate will happen, we can only pray for the best.
You're a wonderful sister, I wish you all the best. Istikhara would be a great option btw :)
Re: 18 and marriage?
^ There are people who may be mature enough at 18, but someone who did a 180 in their thinking and outlook like described, does not seem very stable and mature to me. It's almost like in middle school when the white kids suddenly become gangstas and then in high school most of them realize they're white and then become rockers, or skaters and some actually become normal.
For people who say it's ok, are you agreeing based on how it was done in the past? If so, please keep in mind that teenagers and twentysomethings these days (includes me) are much less mature than our parents were. It's just something to keep in mind before rushing into marriage just so you can knock one out.