On a serious note I have seen my friends in this dilemma where his fathers wants him to marry Chacha's beeti , and mother wants him to marry khala's beeti . His personal choice is as neutral as ever because he never spent much time with either of them . Now he is kinda stuck between his mother and father , doesn't want to make anyone of them angry .
We may say that a man is not confident enough or whatever , but situation gets really tough when on both sides you have your immediate family . Just to kill the curiosity one of my friend end up marrying outside the family , and the second one ''thought'' that he fell in love with his cousin . Not to mention his khala use to call him everyday , and make him talk to his cousin .
It depends on what kind of family he has. From the sounds of it, someone will be naraz if he marries the other's daughter. My suggestion to him would be to talk to his parents and say that he wants to avoid a potential war in the family by marrying one of his cousins and the easy way out is to marry outside the family.
We’re 4 sisters Mashallah (eldest is now married) but every time a rishta used to come for my aapi, and if my parents wanted to refuse but didn’t want to pi$$ the people off, they tried to be polite and used to say “uski already baat pakki hogai hai”… the idiots then used to say “Chalo nikki de naal kara deo” Like WTH?? Waddi nahin tey nikki sahi! Just because we live in airland?
It used to annoy my parents as well and then they used to say “wo to abhi bachi hai uska to hum soch bhi nahin sakte”
A friend going through something similar . The guy well educated , handsome enough with a job and all . When he goes back to Pakistan from America then as being the most eligible bachelor in the family , everyone wants him . Now this brings that pressure on his parents , and on himself too because they don't want to take sides in the family and favor one uncle/aunt more than the other . Plus no one can admit that their daughter is any less than the other girl .
A very delicate situation for guy and his family . Isn't it . What will be your advise to him and family ? How to handle this situation without making anyone feel naraz or inferior/less important ?
Marrying inside the family is only option .
WHY is it the only option, best thing to do is to marry outside of family!
Parents n the chap shud dicuss the options n chose the girl....and if later on any1 asks the parents k aap ne hamari baiti se kion nahi ki shadi to they shud say "chahtay to hamm yehi thay...but baitay ki pasand thi" ;) hehehe :p
sabb baitay pe daal dain... :D
Basically do this. Tell him to chat up the girls and choose which one he likes. This is his life. He has to decide what he wants. He needs to be compatible with the woman he chooses and they need to get along as well.
On a serious note I have seen my friends in this dilemma where his fathers wants him to marry Chacha's beeti **, and mother wants him to marry **khala's beeti .
Tell him to marry the humsayon ki beti. :D Dekha har maslay ka hal hota hai!
Theek hai, this situation where the khala stalked her married nephew and forced him to talk to her daughter everyday happened to someone. But that DOESN’T mean it’ll ALSO happen to you. Instead of calling you up everyday…maybe Khala will just resort to kaala jadu…
I’m kidding. Look Nami, it’s not like your friend has any khaas interest in either of his two cousins. So, the first thing he needs to figure out is what he wants. Does he have any personal preference about marrying inside or outside the family? If he has absolutely NO interest in marrying within the family…then he needs to stand up for himself.
If he has no problems marrying a cousin…then he needs to sit down and talk to both of his parents and tell them both parents their requests have put HIM in a HIGHLY AWKWARD and UNCOMFORTABLE position. And he needs to tell them that the consequences of picking any one cousin over the other are:
**1) **Fathers-in-law are usually not interested in making the bahu’s life miserable. But if a mother is not happy with the choice of bahu…then she can make bahu’s life miserable. So, it’s possible that if friend chooses chacha’s beti…that mom might hold a grudge and be unfriendly toward her. Although in your friend’s case, the girl will eventually move to the US anyways (so it’s less of a problem). ********But friend needs to TELL his parents that no matter which girl he chooses…that SHE (the mom) and HE (the dad) need to treat her like a DAUGHTER and welcome her to the family.
**2) Tell both parents that you’re afraid that choosing one girl over another will result in bitterness between both parents…and even worse…bitterness between the families. Example: Chacha getting mad at dad. Or khala getting mad at mom. And one family ending relationship with the other. Ask your parents if they have considered these consequences and what they plan to do if such conflicts arise? ** Listen to their ideas.
**3) **Throw out the option of marrying someone from outside of the family. And ask parents why they are soooooo against it. Listen to their reasons. And then calmly remind them that while listening to parents is emphasized in Islam…Islam does not support zabaradasti or manipulation in marriage…nor does it say that one HAS to marry a cousin.
4) Tell parents BEFORE HAND that you’ll get to know both cousins and that there is always the possibility that YOU may not like either of them. ** And in such a scenario…you don’t want to be forced or manipulated or blackmailed into marrying either one of them when you didn’t find either of them compatible.**
5) After you’ve had the above discussion with your parents (1-4) then try to meet and get to know your cousins to see whom you’re more compatible with. And if you don’t like either of them, don’t feel like you should have to pick one of them. An unhappy marriage will affect more than just you.
************* And let’s say that you don’t like either girl…or maybe you like one of them…and your parent or parents start emotionally blackmailing you and pressuring you and making threats and doing rona dhona…then do some blackmailing of your own. Tell them if they don’t stop pressuring you…that you will just get on the next flight and head to Amreeka and never come back to Pak again. That might jolt your parents into calming down and backing off from you.
^Aarfin used that on his mom in Meri Zaat Zarra e Baynishan. It might even work for your friend. Best wishes
1 . Marry outside the family
2 . Parents should use the guy as scapegoat
3 . Let the guy decide after meeting up with all the girls and their families
4 . Marry all of them
Why should he marry outside the family? Agar family mein achee larkiyaan hain tua why not?
I think first of all his parents should tell everyone he's not ready for marriage right now, they will decide later when the right time comes.
Then he should get to know his cousins in a non-rishta type of way, take his time in deciding and marry the one he likes and is comfortable & compatible with.
A very valid point . Why he should marry outside the family when he has suitable rishtaz available inside the family . May be just to avoid the family politics . Is it good enough reason ???
But jokes apart guys , it IS A REALITY and happens in every other family . They literally split because of this very same reason that why didn't you marry your son to my daughter . You must have witnessed it too . Isn't it ?
How desperate!
Like WTH?? Waddi nahin tey nikki sahi! Just because we live in airland? 
. . . 
. . . you nerdy programmers 
Yes, they will.