A friend going through something similar . The guy well educated , handsome enough with a job and all . When he goes back to Pakistan from America then as being the most eligible bachelor in the family , everyone wants him . Now this brings that pressure on his parents , and on himself too because they don’t want to take sides in the family and favor one uncle/aunt more than the other . Plus no one can admit that their daughter is any less than the other girl .
A very delicate situation for guy and his family . Isn’t it . What will be your advise to him and family ? How to handle this situation without making anyone feel naraz or inferior/less important ?
Is it absolutely imperative that he marry a girl from his family? Not that there's anything wrong with it, but if there's so much familial pressure, then perhaps it would be best to look outside the family so as to avoid hurt feelings?
j/k yaar; Let the other family members discuss it, maybe the elders if that's the way your family works. How does the guy feel about it? Does he have any preferences on who he'd like to marry?
BTW, we should all reflect on this story. This is how sad our society is. We have so few reasonably good guys in our community, that a "Great catch" is classified as someone that has a job and is educated and doesn't look like he was run over by a lawn mower.
In America, that's what MOST american men strive to be. The ELIGIBLE ones are the ones who go above and beyond that.
A friend going through something similar . The guy well educated , handsome enough with a job and all . When he goes back to Pakistan from America then as being the most eligible bachelor in the family , everyone wants him . Now this brings that pressure on his parents , and on himself too because they don't want to take sides in the family and favor one uncle/aunt more than the other . Plus no one can admit that their daughter is any less than the other girl .
A very delicate situation for guy and his family . Isn't it . What will be your advise to him and family ? How to handle this situation without making anyone feel naraz or inferior/less important ?
Marrying inside the family is only option .
Actually marrying inside the family is NOT the only option. Masla yeh hai k.....his family has made it the ONLY option. They have made itmore like a zabardasti than an option. Vaisay.....realistically speaking....there IS the option of marrying outside the family.
^Does he even want to get married to a cousin? Because if he doesn't....and if he is strong enough......he can put his foot down and marry someone outside the family. The advantage of this will be that **1) **If he doesn't pick any girl from the family, then the various aunties and uncles won't be offended...thus preventing family drama. **2) **Even if his parents don't like the girl of his choice, that's okay. She'll be living with him OUTSIDE of Pak anyways :D
**But if he’s too weak to stand up for himself…than he has no choice but to be…clever. Here are some suggestions:
**
**1) **He should arrange a contest in which all female cousins will compete for his approval. And he should arrange it so they ALL will lose. No winners…no shadi.
2) The contest can involve a perilous task…(climbing Mt. Everest). No survivors…no bride.
3) He should turn the female cousins/aunties/uncles…OFF! He should tell them that he lives in an apartment…and that he actually delivers newspapers as a living. To add more masala to it…he should tell them about his favorite brand of beer…and his favorite nightclub…and his favorite girlfriends. That should do it.
**
4) **He should compliment ALL the cousins. He should promise ALL the cousins that he will marry them. This will result in a huge fight between the cousins. “Us na mujh se shadi karne k vaada kiya tha”…“Nahin mujh se kiya tha”…“Us ne kaha tha k tum us k layak nahin ho”…bla bla bla. Then the parents will start fighting. And then when they ALL ask him, “Beta…tum kis se shadi karna chahtay ho?” He should say he wants to have 4 wives. That could work.
BTW, we should all reflect on this story. This is how sad our society is. We have so few reasonably good guys in our community, that a "Great catch" is classified as someone that has a job and is educated and doesn't look like he was run over by a lawn mower.
In America, that's what MOST american men strive to be. The ELIGIBLE ones are the ones who go above and beyond that.
For shame, Pakistani men. For shame.
Don't hate the playa, hate the game. As in it's not the dude's fault he's in high demand; but that society has elevated him as such. Until the time society changes what they deem to be a "good catch", blaming the men is not fair.
A friend going through something similar . The guy well educated , handsome enough with a job and all . When he goes back to Pakistan from America then as being the most eligible bachelor in the family , everyone wants him . Now this brings that pressure on his parents , and on himself too because they don't want to take sides in the family and favor one uncle/aunt more than the other . Plus no one can admit that their daughter is any less than the other girl .
A very delicate situation for guy and his family . Isn't it . What will be your advise to him and family ? How to handle this situation without making anyone feel naraz or inferior/less important ?
*- Marrying inside the family is only option *.
there's something REALLY wrong with our society here.
He could turn his dilemma into a reality TV show…u know the one where whom you marry is based on which contestant majority of the viewers vote for? Yeah…he should do that. Let the viewers of the motherland decide who gets voted off…and who should be his bride. Since he won’t be the one deciding…no pressure on him.
If he can meet up with the cousins or can talk to them...then he should do that and see with which one he "clicks" with the most and can see a future with....this way the aunts and uncles can't get on the parents back because they themselves did not choose one girl over another
If it is going to be totally arranged and he will not be able to talk to anyone of them....tell him to tell his parents to just choose the eldest eligible cousin.....this way no one can get angry because the parents can just day they chose the eldest :)
