ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Arts & Culture Poetry ( Intikhaab & Sho'ra-e-Gupshup)
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**ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

**Ik bewajah si wajah mil jaygi
Phir say hayaat ko
Phir say shuru hoga
Ik besilsilaywar silsila
Phir say chalaiNgay daftaroN
Laykar khanay ki dibiaN
Phir say hoga bewajaah hi
Intazaar shaam ko

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

:rolleyes: Sir baat kuch palley nahi parri is baar. Kuch wazaahat farmaiye ga please? :frowning:

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

^ clerk kee chuTTiyaaN khatam ho gayee haiN bhai :P

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Clerk here is not merely the CLERK but the clerkish mentality which the multitudes carry in themselves.It is a cry against that meaningless ,unexplored n unlived existence.
Regards
brijinder<!-- / message -->

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Which waja are you talking about? Is it that job? Job cannot be "bewajah". You get paid for it and it is entirely upon you to 'take it or leave it.'

"Phir say"??? What does that defines? He was already a clerk?

There is something starting again, according to your lines. But you did not tell us what you are referring to.

"daftaroN" Did you mean daftar? "DaftaroN" is not fitting here at all. It could only be "phir sey chaleiN ge daftar..."

Tiffin boxes are carried by many. Is there anything inferior about it?

Shaam ka intazaar bewajaah kiuN? Are you referring to chutti time? Wo to sab ko hota hey. School ke waqt sey ley kar office tak.

Actually, I am unable to find the concept within the poem itself. I can see it only in your title. I am very, very sorry, but with due respect, it's not making any sense to me.

PS: By any chance do you read what others post in Shora-e-Gupshup?

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

As i wrote earlier:Clerk here is not merely the CLERK but the clerkish mentality which the multitudes carry in themselves.It is a cry against that meaningless ,unexplored n unlived existence.May be it will make it clear.
Regards
brijinder

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

That is fine sir. I understand the concept or theme of your poem is clerkish mentality. What I am trying to say is that I am unable to see you talking about the concept of your poem. Your poem is not wearing the theme of the poem.

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

I am really non-plussed,Amal.What I tired in my poem was to convey the meaningless of the life of many.I have tired my best to convey that feeling in my poem.If it hasnt reached you,I must have failed in my efforts then.

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

[quote="“Amal, post:14, topic:167053"”]

That is fine sir. I understand the concept or theme of your poem is clerkish mentality. What I am trying to say is that I am unable to see you talking about the concept of your poem. Your poem is not wearing the theme of the poem.
[/quote]

Either one of has failed. It could be me also :frowning:

This is the third time I am repeating my question sir :frowning:

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

This short poem by Brijinder captures the life of many of us, especially those who labor in offices as clerks, to make both ends meet, and lead a routine, purposeless, unfulfilling life fallig into a rut. I have tried to translate the poem into English as follows for those who failed to appreciate this gem. I see Brijinder here has been too modest to accept his failure to convey the message in the poem. This shows his humbleness and a great quality of a poet to let others deprecate what they do not understand in unromantic Urdu poetry that one rarely comes across these days on the web.

*Once again there'll be
a reason with unreason,
once again there'll be
a purposeless purpose,
once again they'll go to
offices with tiffin boxes,
once again they will wait
for the evenings vacuously. *

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Amal my friend,I do read the poems by other poets.How can one write something if one is alienated from his people?What do u want me to say?
And Tenzensen saheb(or is it saheba?)I am thankful for your efforts and the words of encouragement.But then we can always learn.There may be times when I fail to communicate clearly.When it is so,I will rather put that poem in rubbishbin than clinging to it.I have done so many a times in past.
Thanx a lot once again.

The Random Thread
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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Brijinder,

You are welcome. Your poems are mostly with depth and are not for the those who love to read and write false/unfounded romanticism and crave for love. I was very happy to read the preface to your book of poetry by Kushwant Singh who originally hailed from Pakistan and now is a well known South Asian writer in the world. He has many fans in the USA and the UK in addition to millions who appreciate his writings in India.

Amal can write what he has in mind when he asks you questions. But I feel he was wondering how come you post your poetry and vanish and hardly ever make a comment on the poetry of others. I may be wrong in this analysis. Perhaps Amal will tell you more why he asked you that quaetion for the third time. He and NikamiJano, I think, are the best poets at this site. I like poery of Dushwari as she writes from her heart and sometimes reminds me of Anna Akmatova.

I would love to see more poetry from you at ths site.

Tanzan Senzaki

PS: Please excuse typos . I do not have spell-check at this computer.

FMoC
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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Welcome back rkopra :~)

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Let us not take to childish things here,plz.Atleast not with me in the centre.I abhor this n just dont have time to indulge in such silly things.Life is too beautiful to watse it like that.Plzzzz

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

idea acha hay, rahi baat lafzon ki to becharay lafz ....

I.P address
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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Janaab Azad saheb,
I couldnt understand what u wanted to convey?Plz elaborate.
Regards

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Like gentlemen we are discussing your poem here, not you or other critics. So where do you see childishness? You posted your poetry in a public forum, so every one is free to make his fair comments unless he's biased. If some readers do not undestand your poem, then what's wrong if someone makes an attempt to make it clear to them?

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

aap ko bahut badhaaee hoo aap ko theme achchi laggi, lakin becharay lafzon ka kya silsala hai yahaan?

kya aap bhi kehtay hain k dafter ka plural yahaan daftron theek nahin hai? I think, as it's clear from many of his poems, the poet's mastery of the Urdu language might put many to shame who are native Urdu speakers! I would like to know what are the bechaaray lafz here. Thanks.

PS: I believe in fair crits, not following what others say.

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Re: ZiNdagi clerk zehanoN ki

Molvi Nazir Ahmad ka "kattba" nazar se guzra ho to hum jaise kam fehm yahi kehein ge "Idea" acha hay.

Rahi baat becharay lafzon ki .... lafz ...... jazbay hein, geh'ray Nazuk or phar poor, in ko tarteeb or tarkeeb se zuban daine ke sa'zawar lekhnay walay hi hota hay. dii howi zuban mukhtasar ho, mushkil ho or aam fehm na ho ho to maqsad fout ho jane ka khad'sha rehta hay ---

hum lekhnay ke baray main kuch jante to nahi maghar ra'ay zaroor rakhte hein. humaray ra'ay ka ziyada aitbar bhi nahi hum hosh mein jo rehnay par majboor hein. :( khush'k saali ka aisa dareek or taweel do'r na daikha na suna, :(

khair kisi ache dinu mein mil batain ge me'khanay mein ...... phir kuch beh'tar andaz meinn lafz or un ki bechargi se khailain ge.

mukh'tasran ......... hummm becharay lafz.

Adab