Sorry I havent read most of the responses...I just have to say that NEVER would I cheat on my beloved. And INshallah, he'd never cheat on me, I'd bet the farm on this....
that aside. It would be SO hard to even think about forgiving, the hurt that this causes goes so deep that I dont know if true forgiveness would be possible. I could do ANYthing for my boys...but then again, when a marriage is "false", they KNOW. Even at very young ages, they sense that something is wrong.
But you never know till you get there yeah? May we all be spared THIS particular life journey. And if it turns out to be a road that we find ourselves on, may we be granted the serenity to deal with it sensibly. And if we should encounter friends or family going thru this, may we have the ability to assist them in ways that are helpful.
Cheating can not be tolerated under any circumstance. Marriage is based on trust, and if he can't even keep my trust, then how can I stay with him. If I gave him another chance, how do I know he wouldn't do it again...or worst if he isn;t still cheating on me. I would always be paranoid then, better to move on if he does such a horrible thing to me.
As for me, No i would not cheat on my hubby. We are humans in control of our feeling and thoughts. I do not believe people when they say they don't know how it happened...they do have brains that Allah gave them, that's just an excuse. Before taking any stupid action, one should think how they would feel if their spouse were doing the same thing to you....
Anyways before I got married, a co-worker of mine had given me a tid bit of advice u can say...maybe just her personal belief...(and she is not muslim but Kallu who simply believes in god)
one key thing is your gaze..even SHE believes in lowering ur gaze to anyone other than ur husband. What she means is not to check out other guys for fun either...i know some ladies even though committed/married look at other guys who they think are cute...but marion told me not to do it, cuz it just makes ur eyes hungry and can lead to problems. I agree with her, the only guy i care to admire or look at is my hubby. Yes there are cute guys out there, even models actors on tv...but in the street i dont pay attention to anyone...and neither feel the need to either. Alhumdulillah, its all self control
Wrong conclusion. What we call cheating these days comes naturally to men but not to women. Those men who do not cheat are making a lot of effort to achieve that while women do not have to make that much effort.
Also women are much clever in certain things. It is difficult for a husband to observe from his wife's body language if she is cheating or not. For women, it is easier: Men are fools.
I have said this here before: there is a big power-struggle factor related to each relationship. For those matrimonial relationships where there is a big power difference between the two partners, the more powerful partner will always be able to get away with excesses. So in case, where husband is very rich and the wife is coming from a not so rich family, the wife will tolerate a certain amount of cheating. The forgiving factor will depend solely on the power difference.
I totally disagree. To me, it is the opposite. It is not self control; it is instinctive behaviour and hence you don't have any self control in that at all. I may sound like a male chauvinist, but it does not matter.
For procreation purpose and for the betterment of the human species, a female needs to have a stable relation with a male so that the male can protect and provide for her off springs. Having multiple relationships for a female will have a disastrous result for her off springs. So single relationship for females is not about self control but it is an instinctive behaviour.
If a husband is going to cheat you really can't do anything about it, you can't force him to be faithful or have him wear a beeper everywhere he goes. I just wanna make sure that i'm self sufficient just in case a situation like this will happen.
I don't know whether I could forgive him or not, but I think the relationship won't be exactly the same as before.
I know a couple that was in that forgive or no tolerance situation. The man was in the United States trying to get his masters and the wife was in India waiting for all the visa issues to be resolved. Five years passed and the husband was living with his sister in law(married to his brother) at the time. I don't know exactly what went on in that apartment but the man ended up having an affair with his sis-in-law. After he got his wife over here, he didn't tell her about the affair until after they had their two kids and then just couldn't keep it in anymore i guess. Somehow his wife forgave him but she went through a time when she couldn't eat anything and she looked like a skeleton.
I believe when u merry then it means u have found a life partner which will fullfil all u,r needs .why will i cheat on my spouse when she is keeping me happy n if i,m not happy with my marriage then i should go for a divorce.
Well I would never be in this situation (InshaAllah) but hypothetically speaking I would forgive my spouse. Because I and she share our lives together in the best possible way but dont own each other. Remember to err is human.
So I do not go with zero tolerance. It depends how possesive nature one has. I would be pleasently surprised if anyone from fairer gender would say so
lol chappal maar maar kar ganja karo aisai mard ko :halo: …no seriously how can ppl cheat on their hubby/wife???i mean arent they afraid of committing such a grave sin. …
PS no i won,t forgive f ma future wife cheated on me …will most probably divorce her ..
For procreation purpose and for the betterment of the human species, a female needs to have a stable relation with a male so that the male can protect and provide for her off springs. Having multiple relationships for a female will have a disastrous result for her off springs. So single relationship for females is not about self control but it is an instinctive behaviour.
No you sound like a plain idiot. So according to your 'theory', men must have been cheating on their wives with other guys all this time? That's a flawed logic right there without even going into the psyche of a woman. But we sure got a glimpse into yours. Try again.
zero tolerance oh and doesnt even have to be like cheating by todays standards. If he is talking or "seeing" someone that i dont know about or especially someone i have told him not to, then forget it.
Oh Thanks! I think I deserved that label for my behaviour yesterday. Hey! but not for what I said here. You did not get it at all. Think out of the box.
I would like 2....but i know how i am.....even if i tell him that i forgive him just for the sake of keeping the marriage together....i would make his like a living hell!! Basically .....i dont think i could truly forgive him.....if a woman can do that...then stay...if she cant...then there is no point in trying to make it work.
Kuch ziada hi outside the box ho gaya, which has landed you in lala land. Dude, it was nothing but a lame attempt at rationalizing a cowardly act, which speaks more about you than anything else.
kehnay ko tou zero tolerance.. lekin i know i will forgive her and try to forget the whole thing and try to patch up things between us. I never expect life to be smooth sailing boat.. :sigh:
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omg