Let me be honest. I have a 15 year old brother who means more to me than dear life itself. He’s the youngest so naturally me and my brethren love him to bitz etc etc…
Studies don’t motivate him. He spends so less time at home. His life is so secretive. He’s on 2 different trials for various petty crimes mainly fighting - gangs sigh
I don’t get it. I feel so helpless. I try not to shout at him because i remind myself he’s 15 - he says thins like ‘even the boys on the street care more about me than my family’. Sometimes he just doesn’t come home at night.
It makes me wonder, where did we go wrong as a family? It hurts to think he’s throwing away his education in pursuit of the ‘street-life’. People say beat him up etc etc. But that’s just codswallop. How can you beat it into someone that they have to be good.
What is in their minds? Why do they do this? BOYS especially, tell me
some kids just learn it the hard way n grow out of it.. but hes at an age where family is more liek a dushman ... an the more restrictions u guys r gonna put on him the more hes gonna rebell... and i would say that first dont allow him to NOT come home.. tell him he has to come home.. ziada se ziada woh kia ker sakhta hai.. see kids dont kno that friends can only do so much... they wont feed him, give him a shelter forever... somewhere they will leave him behind.. an ur bro knows whether he comes home today or two days later.. the doors are always open an baji will alwayz be there ... ami abu will alwayz be there.. but i think if restricitons arent workin for him.. then u guys need to let him make his mistake.. an i kno thats the hardest thing to do.. to watch someone u love more than life make a mistake..n get hurt.. but from our mistakes we learn ... an with mistakes e realize how good we had it... an what we have lost.. so tell him if he isnt home by a certain time.. u wont open the door.. an it is tough love an he may have a place to sleep that night.. but it will only last for so long.. ghar to kabhi na kabhi wapis ana hi hoga ... n he might learn his lesson an he might even realize he hurts his family
[QUOTE] Originally posted by *Disco~Duck: *
Let me be honest. I have a 15 year old brother who means more to me than dear life itself. He's the youngest so naturally me and my brethren love him to bitz etc etc...
Studies don't motivate him. He spends so less time at home. His life is so secretive. He's on 2 different trials for various petty crimes mainly fighting - gangs sigh
I don't get it. I feel so helpless. I try not to shout at him because i remind myself he's 15 - he says thins like 'even the boys on the street care more about me than my family'. Sometimes he just doesn't come home at night.
It makes me wonder, where did we go wrong as a family? It hurts to think he's throwing away his education in pursuit of the 'street-life'. People say beat him up etc etc. But that's just codswallop. How can you beat it into someone that they have to be good.
What is in their minds? Why do they do this? BOYS especially, tell me :-(
[/QUOTE]
Just out of curiosity what is your family's socioeconomic status?
Ok you didn't really say how your parents treat him after all the trouble he gets into, but perhaps you as an entire family should sit him down and tell him how you all will be there for him no matter what. Don't yell or scream. Let him know that your family and you will be there for him always through the good and bad. Hes seeking attention and wants people to devote attention to him, sadly hes find that its much easier to get that attention from the 'gang'. It could be that there is a age gap in between all you guys and you were at a point where your parents paid more attention to you and your other siblings and at that moment he felt alone hence sought attention in others.
I think no matter how upset your parents are right now, they should just remain calm around him. Let him understand that they sincerely care, don't put him down, just let him know that they are willing to work on improving and patching up whatever that has taken place. I mean being 15 if someone said something negative about you and than the next person makes you out to be something so great who would you find more appealing and confide in?
Sit down as a family and have a long talk, a family meeting where no fingers are pointed and everyone is given a fair and square chance to speak their mind.
Ah I have a 14 yr old brother.. So i know how you feel.
HE is in to basketball and other retarded NINTENDO GAMES WHICH I CANT STAND. I have set so many rules and tried other way to make sure he goes towards his education. Remind you i am one of the most meaniest sisters. My exact words" IF you are going to work in some dumb ass stores i would rather have you in army school back home in Pakistan" and he knows i will get him in that school in no time. When it cmoes to 'nia apa' you cant mess with me. Tired yelling, putting pressure, setting rules didnt work at all.
I am very pretty open with him. After trying everything, Young man decided to go to a high school which was far away from home. I called his school and got him in a high school where i went in no time :D. [he still hates me for that but i am sure later on he will love me for what i am doing].
Its been 2 months and janab got his report and he wasnt doing too well in school.
I asked ami and abu to sit down and called him. Closed the doors and started my lecture. This time my approach was different. I told him facts of life, gave him examples of people that he knew. TOld him what the real world is about. The freakin unwanted surprises of this blood sucking life.
Next morning.. he got a 90 on his paper and his 2nd marking period was very well :)
Alhumdulilah he is doing very well . I told him the moment i see him with some idiot jerk i will take this freedom away from him.
Hmm I'd have to say that whenever a kid goes 'bad', it is the family's fault (mostly) as they end up being too strict or too lenient. Leniency and strictness again cant be decided according to a rule.. you have to take steps everyday and if you keep being either of the two extremes you end up messing the kid up.
My kid bro is the fav in the family too. I kinda knew what he would go through as I had gone through the same stuff.. so made sure that he trusted me.. this meant doing boring things like playing PlayStation hrs after hrs and nights after nights.. getting him gameboys/accessories/what nots.. even playing pokemon yu-gi-oh (??) and digimon cards!! (this is all from a yr or so ago btw) So the kid basically trusts me now.. i literally knew all of his friends and it helped me keep a check on him. Joked about studies etc, stuff like 'had ho gayee yar taha.. tum to geek ban gaye ho parhey hee ja rahey ho!' At the same time keeping a bit of respect between us. when he gets a bad mark or so occasionaly, he comes explains the reasons, says sorry, feels the guilt and actually tries to improve, and not because he's afraid but because he understands how important it is for his bro. Made sure that he reguarly got to be in an islamic gathering, so if nothing more, I can atleast feel that he has matured and wont be making stupid decisions- insh`Allah.
In your case I'd say that a lot of damage has been done already, and precious years might've been lost.. I think belle has the best advice.. dont be too harsh on the kid, let him get to trust you guys, baby him a little, but at the same time make sure that he understands that he's a part of the family, and doesn't get too out of hand and tries to break way, make him feel like this IS his home and he IS a part of it. and lastly, DONT GIVE UP! its stupid to give up on your family!!
it might be a good idea to get your brother and rest of the family to get counselling to help understand what could be wrong. gupshup isnt exactly full of experts on such sensitive issues (how old are most of us? how many of us have raised kids?) , and IMO, the replies you get here are only going to add to your confusion.
diddo, i totally understand what u r saying..sorry to hear about him sis…i have a younger bro too, he is 19
yaar the only thing that can bring a positive difference in him, i feel, is just be super patient, super understanding, dont get angry, only only only give him love and affection…and slowly slowly try to tell him positive things…
i know sometimes u wanna get angry but thats gonna make it worse…so no matter how difficult it is not to do that, just show him pure love only, and inshallah he will turn around, it might take time but i am sure he’ll be fine soon :k:
and lastly have faith in him cuz he is ur own blood so KNOW that inshallah he will come around :k:
