Your relationship with your spouse

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I grew up family and family friends who were perfectly fine going off on trips to visit their own family, leaving their spouses for 2-3 months…

I can’t imagine doing that right now…I’m looking at going to my mom’s for 2-3 weeks post baby (she’ll be with me for 2 weeks before hand)…my family is like oh stay a month or two and i have friends who did this..i can not imagine leaving my husband for that long…

We’re not an “attached at the hip” do everything together couple… we have independent activities, we both will go see friends/do things seperatly, etc…

Kind of wierd…:slight_smile:

2

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

Times are changing. We have grown up differently than our parents did.

For them it was customary to go and live in your mom's home when you had a child.

We feel out of place. We long for our own beds and our own homes.

It doesn't necessarily mean that we are attached at the hip to our spouses.

Btw....congrats and when is the baby due?

3

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

Hey Muzna!!

Thanks for the response...and the congrats. Baby is due inshallah in July.

4

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

Totally agree with Muzna about us longing for our own beds and homes but my mom also never went to her parents' home after having us. I don't even like leaving my hubby for a day! How do you think our upbringing has influenced us to be this way?

5

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

I think you are generalizing, my mom was been planning to go to pakistan for like the past 2 years and she finally got like two weeks :o

6

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

tell me about it :bummer:

7

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

II dunno it seems sooo foreign to me that women will go to Pak w/o hubby or kids for months at a time.. my dad wud never let my mom do that.. until recently, everywehre I went , she had to go too, (including pak).. n while my dads in Pak, my mom could NEVER leave me here in NY alone while she goes to pak for a few weeks.. :grrrr

8

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

cant imagine leaving my hubby that long!
i've been married for 6-7 yrs and i havent been back to my mom's

i mean havent been back for sleepover or staying over. juz visiting for da day. if i feel like spending more time with mom then i juz get her to stay at my place. :D

9

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

Those who say we can't imagine doing that.....trust me you are lucky to say that.

I've lived in first two years without him.....atm have him around like once in 2-3 weeks for \a few days....n from summer onwards will see him probably twice an year at maximum, InshaAllah.

But if you are given a choice....i agree its not something any/most of us would do.

10

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

well when my mother got married it was ternd in my family to take the children to their nanhayal and stay there without one's husband for weeks. However when my sister (and the rest of my cousins) grew up and got married they decided not to do so, infact my sister didn't even do [EMAIL="that@bathwera"]that"bathwera: thingie(where the bride comes and stays with ther family for a few days right after the wedding). So I guess it depends on what you really want to do.

11

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

Amelie, I totally agree with you. I know only one girl right now who goes away to visit her family in Pakistan for 3 months at a time. She's not in a happy marriage anyways. But it just sounds like torture to me. I just came back last night with my two daughters from a 2 week trip (visiting both in-laws and parents). My husband was getting so depressed that he obsessively cleaned the apartment...(individual tiles) due to his loneliness and boredom.

Like you and your husband, we're not joined at the hip either. But we miss eachother so much after just a couple days. I think it's a good thing.

12

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

In some families it is customary that the wife would leave for 2-3 months to stay with her parents after the baby is born.

Not the case in our family.

I know a couple who see eachother 2-3 times a year only but if they lived together they might not be together for long so it is probably best for them to stay apart for the sake of their kids.

13

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

I went to Pak once with my family for my sister's nikah. In those two weeks my hubby called me so many times that the bill was around an airfare to Pak.
Now, every year i visit my family in the states for two weeks and after a week hubby usually comes to pick me up.
So, i guess it is hard to be separated. I, too miss him but i think i can live without him for 2 weeks but i don't think he can. Which is a good feeling in itself:)

14

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

Thanks all!

15

Re: Your relationship with your spouse

hhmm.. interestingly enuff, before i got married, i couldnt imagine not being with my mom, but since my rukhsati, i havent spent even one night at my moms place, and when i do go for dayspends to my mom’s i miss my hubby constantly, its just not the same widout him; there was a time i had to go out of town wid my sister for 2 days and one night, spent almost all night on the phone with hubby dear. i miss my mom and sister, i miss living with them, but i cant bear to be parted with hubby dear. hubby does insist once in a while that i spend the night at my moms place and come back the next day, but we both know we cant stay away from each other. its sick, but sweet :blush: