Hello, Guppies! I’m an American (Gori) Muslimah and I’m engaged to a Pakistani guy (born in Pakistan, moved to the states as a teenager.) We’re planning for an April wedding insha’allah and have already found the location, planned the menu, printed invitations, got the dress, etc. We want to incorporate elements of both American and Pakistani wedding traditions.
As we get closer to the wedding, though, I’m starting to worry about how to make the wedding both fun and comfortable for both families. My family is very open-minded and excited about the wedding; they are Christian, and they are mostly non-drinkers and very modest people, so not having dancing and alcohol at the wedding is not a problem for them. My fiance’s family is also very supportive of the match, and very sweet and lovely people; they are also very conservative, and I will be the first gori in the family, so they are not familiar at all with American style weddings.
So, all guppies, I would love to hear some of your ideas on the following:
a) the ceremony: I understand that the Islamic marriage ceremony is very simple and not traditionally something that is witnessed by all wedding guests. However, having a touching wedding ceremony is something that is very important to my family as it is a central part of American weddings; I also think it’s important for our American guests to have some exposure to the beauty of Islamic teachings during the ceremony as we are bombarded with so many negative stories here. Does anyone have any experience working with an imam to hold a proper Islamic ceremony that can be witnessed by all guests, and which Western guests will understand and relate to?
b) The reception: Currently we are planning a short reception that with a string trio playing some classical music, two caricature artists to draw cute caricatures of the kids and any other guests who are interested, and hors d’oevres. This will be followed by dinner (a mix of American and pakistani food using halal meat), and finishing with cake cutting and a one hour harbor cruise on a yacht in New York Harbor. Is this something that you think can be enjoyed by all the guests? Any other ideas for ways to facilitate conversation between the two families, make people feel more comfortable, create a fun atmosphere?
Any suggestions at all would be very welcome and thank you so much in advance!
Re: Your Ideas for a Mixed Wedding (Gori/Pakistani)
Welcome NYCGori, im sure u will find all the answers (and more) u r looking for here.
As for question a), even tho its not usually witnessed by many, there is no reason why u shouldn't have your nikkah ceremony conducted in front of all your guests. Sometimes at muslim weddings here, a person (usually grooms best friend or the imam) makes a speech about the beauty of marriage in Islam and the duties of hisband and wife (in a nice way!), as well as wishing them well for the future in the way of a dua (prayer) which everyone puts their hands together for. This is a nice way in which to get everyone to feel part of the ceremony and learn something too.
firstly Congratulations girlie!!!
secondly, to the above question, yes i have seen it happen where the imam does the whole ceremony on the stage and in english...i think its really cute that way. the Iman can recite everything in arabic first n than translate it in english...or just say whole cermony in english.
Re: Your Ideas for a Mixed Wedding (Gori/Pakistani)
Congrats!
My nikkah was witnessed by everyone and so everyone got to enjoy it esp' when the Inam sneezed like 20 times (wedding was in Dec!) - Lol! Your wedding planning sounds so amazing esp' the artists for kids idea. Thats so awesome! A mix of American food with Pakistani food will be a great hit. I had chicken soup, pizzas, bbq's and desi food to please everyone at my wedding!
Wooowww at the harbor cruise - you should be a wedding planner! You have some great ideas!
Re: Your Ideas for a Mixed Wedding (Gori/Pakistani)
congratulations lady!! my husband is a gora as well and i definitely tried to incorporate both cultures into our wedding as much as possible. our nikah was held at home with friends and family and the next day, we had a full civil ceremony in front of all of our guests too to please his family who were missing the aisle, the bridesmaids/groomsmen, bouquets, etc. that day we had a justice of the peace preside, but i don't see why an imam cannot do the same. i've been to a few nikah's where the imam has spoken in english and conducted the ceremony with prayers in arabic with english translation, and its been great. there are a lot of african and arab imam's that are able to do this very well- ask your local mosque for help finding one.
we chose a western menu made with halal meat, since we'd had a solely pakistani menu for the mehendi and my husband and in-laws wanted something more representative of their culture too. it was seriously yummy :)
your entire day sounds wonderful- the food, the cruise, the entertainment- i wouldn't worry about any of it. people find ways to keep themselves entertained at weddings, and of course the biggest thing is, they're there to celebrate your day and the general excitement and happiness just carries everyone along.
if your wedding wont have dancing then entertain both sides by creating a slideshow. start off wth music that represents the couple and pictures from the boy's childhood, the girl's childhood, then couple pictures of yall datingif yall did or once yall were engaged. it's a nice way for family and friends to see themself in old pics and bring back good memories of the times that have come and gone, and the times that are left to still be had. music was from the 80s from their childhood so born to be wild was his, girls just wannahave fun was hers, and then romantic stuff showing their engagement and dating pics together...
we played a cute newlywed game because most of us didn't really know the guy my friend was marrying, just as they didn't really know much about her. we asked them each questions and told them not to cheat stuff like what's his favorite car, and what is her favorite store to shop at. Little things like fav foods, and best friends or what not lets everyone get to know the couple in a fun, friendly environment. our tie breaker was to see who can do a better impression, so the husband acted as his wife and she did the same thing about him. it was hilarious and the crowd's applause got to be the tie breaker. if your game doesn't end in a tie then that should be each the husband and wife's last question. the room was cheering on their side and it was nice to see that.
another time we got friends together to put on mini skits of some funny stories of the bride and groom's past. and one of when they went on a date. For example when my friend hiren was little his parents old a sari store and a little girl kept teasing him in school saying hiren wears saris hiren wears saris. well when they were in class he sat behind her and cut her pig tailed braid... we acted that out and the bride hadn't even known that about her husband. (we got the stories from their moms).
as for american weddings being a big ceremony i should know i'm mixed with a guyanese family and a lot of my cousins were married catholic style. because of that i think that when i get married (inshalah lol) i'll do a nikkah ceremony infront of everyone, sign my papers and before we exchange rings say some vows because i was raised here and had seen so many of my own family members take vows in a church that i want that touch to my own wedding. You can even have bridesmaids and a flower girl before you enter teh room, a lot of desi weddings have become very westernized.
i think the curise will be lovely and sounds like a great idea. also i've seen muslim couples have a first dance too so if anything go for that.
Thanks, everyone for your nice wishes and suggestions! Thanks esp. somegroovychick—sounds like you had a really interesting mix at your wedding.
Hunnie, your ideas are great but I have to say in our case a first dance is definitely out of the question–my future Abu-ji would have a heart attack! We will have some music playing on the yacht though, so who knows, maybe some of the cousins will have a wild moment. I’m not going to hold my breath, though!
When I was planning everything I thought it sounded like fun but I’m just worried about my fiance’s family feeling comfortable! I know this will be very different for them.
Re: Your Ideas for a Mixed Wedding (Gori/Pakistani)
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I understand that the Islamic marriage ceremony is very simple and not traditionally something that is witnessed by all wedding guests
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You dont have to have it like that, most of the nikkahs I have attended have been conducted in the open in front of all the guests. And if both bride&groom dont understand Arabic, the nikkah should be performed in their language. With the nikkah there is usually gives a small khutbah as well, in which he talks about the importance of marriage in Islam and how to treat your spouse well. And then have a dua at the end. Inshallah your guests will enjoy being part of the ceremony
One thing for the nikkah & rest of ceremony ---most desi events always start notoriously late and most nondeso events, especially weddings, are very punctual!! You dont want everyone on your side to arrive on time, ie 3 hours before everyone else. This will give a very bad impression to the guests who arent familiar with desi-standard-time!!
NYCGori, I am gathering you live in NCY? I’m a smart cookie, aren’t I? **:faizy:
**There was another couple in NYC, named Rabia & Omar who had a gorgeous wedding. They performed their nikkah ceremony much like a traditional western ceremony would be. Farnaz K Studio - New York Wedding Photography- powered by SmugMug
That link should lead you to pictures of the nikkah ceremony. They did a great job fusing the two cultures on their day.
Re: Your Ideas for a Mixed Wedding (Gori/Pakistani)
**just wanted to say:
Welcome to the forum NYCGori!
mashAllah! congrats on your upcoming wedding.
Hope you find this forum useful we have a lot of experienced people here that are more then willing to help you with wedding ideas. Be sure to browse through the old threads as well. You will find a wealth of information in them.
Best of luck on your wedding plans and happy posting : )
**
We will have some music playing on the yacht though, so who knows, maybe some of the cousins will have a wild moment. I’m not going to hold my breath, though! 