Hey evryone doing a great job…i am a bit troubled…i am in a relationship with a guy since my A levels…mashallah its our 6th year together and now our rishta n stuff is in process these days…do pray! neways the point is…he loves me to death mashallah n same here…but he is a very emotional person…he want things to be done in his way…he is a perfectionist and a fitness freak…in last 1.5 year ive gained some weight may be cuz of the hectic uni schedule…and m trying eagerly to reduce…but since 1 year he is after me to loose weight…i know it sounds kiddish but somehow i didnt took him seriously…and now he remains so pissed off frm me alwayz…he is like ‘i want my girl to be perfect’ which he has a right to say…but this issue is growing day by day…even if we argue on completely different things…he end up saying that…’ tumne itni si baat nahi maani meri so dont expect frm me’
The other issue is whenever we fight even on some silly thing…he verbally abuses me badly which i completely hate…m damn sure he takes me for granted and he knows no matter how badly he treats me i am always there for him…and to be frank even i know it that for sure he cant live widout me may be thts y i ignored completely when initially he asked to me loose weight(didnt know situation would be this worse) …ofcourse i seriously get offended but all he say that he didnt mean it…it was his anger which made him say all tht…but its happening too often now…he does not even hesitate in saying the filthiest thing to me…ive tried all the techniques to make him understand but its useless…all he say is tht…just do what ive asked to…i’ll be alright again…
Now i want to ask that whether a issue like gaining weight bothers a guy to this extent? yes certainly m trying very hard to loose but what about the 2nd issue of abusing me…well let me tell u mashallah i have no doubts on his character or his love 4 me…we have done alot for each other…thts a completely different thing…but i feel really insulted…
P.S he is damn short tempered and m 60 kgs and 5.6 tall ( i was 54kgs earlier) just in case u ppl are wondering how fat am i 
PLusha, many hugs. itne maze maze ke khaney banao gi toh moti nahi toh kya slim trim hogi. hehehe :D seriously i think as mch as ur cookin is awsum, i think its also takin a major toll on ur health yaar....
i m v concerned abt ur prb. u said he verbally abuses u and stresses to mch on u to lose weight. if this is his attitude now, what if later u become pregnant and are unable to lose weight post delivery? his being perfectionist dusnt mean he has the rite to put u down and expect u to b the perfect doll with a perfect figure.
how r u even listenin to this crap really? for ur height u r at a gud weight!! actually perfect weight if i tell u. i m 5'5 and i shud be 62-63 i guess. iwas 68 before i got pregnant so yeah ive always been overweight so in my case 5-7 kgs was enufff. i think he is being v unreasonable.
plusha honey, i m tellin u once an abuser(physical, verbal) ALWAYS an abuser. tht is the bitter truth and u have to face it now if u wanna still get married to him. trsut me ultimatums and challenges wudnt work with him cus he is used to that. its like sayin ek dafa admi ka haath khul jata hia (physical abuse) phir woh rukta nahi. first slap, then punches, then kicks. same with verbal abuse, it wudnt stop.
if u r stressed rite now and u have every rite too, m sorry but u r gonna b at ur worst stage when u marry him. what happened to love being blind and not superficial for cryin out loud. if he loves u he will accept u the way u but at the same time coax u into losin weight. slow and steady wins the race. if he was sensible he wud have nicely pushed u into it rather than puttin so mch pressure on u. if u r like me and food is ur passion and u live to EAT, then its gonna b hell time for u to lose weight. its imp he understands that also. if ure used to certain lifestyle and eatin pattern, it takes time, u cant just do without it in a day!! just like he didnt becom a macho man in a day!!!!!!
sorry for the rant but i m sooooo damn pissed at him for makin u sad. (HUGS) take care of urself and dun let him treat u like **** please!!
he should love you as a person, i was my sexiest slimmest best when hubby met me, now i go up and down like a yoyo, still loves me the same. and your fella should do exactly that!.
If he is using foul language now, what makes you think thats gonna change? he should show you the respect you deserve.
You will remain in this situation till you do something about it, have a serious chat, explain how much you love him etc etc however you are not prepared to put up with this constant nagging of your weight issue, what are you gonna do, diet all your life? just so he's got the perfect wife on his arms?
Also the way he speaks to you, if your giving him the respect he deserves then he should do the same.
Re: Your help needed
oooooh hes nt being very nice is he......as mentioned in post 2 wat if u get pregnant n cat lose post delivery weight/flab pir kya hoga?
i hve gained weight so has my huby but hes never abused me about it insteasd hes only told me once tht i need to tone up a bit but then again i was saying it myself also
he needs to calm dwn n u need to sit n tjink whether u cn handle his abuse aftr marriage aaj wight k bare main abuse kal pata nhi aur kis cheez k baray main kahe ga
oooooh hes nt being very nice is he......as mentioned in post 2 wat if u get pregnant n cat lose post delivery weight/flab pir kya hoga? i hve gained weight so has my huby but hes never abused me about it insteasd hes only told me once tht i need to tone up a bit but then again i was saying it myself also he needs to calm dwn n u need to sit n tjink whether u cn handle his abuse aftr marriage aaj wight k bare main abuse kal pata nhi aur kis cheez k baray main kahe ga
r these 3 ur kids? theyre adorable MA :)
Re: Your help needed
He sounds like a narcissistic insensitive clod. As long as you are perfect then he's all nice. But a pound or 2 of extra weight and he turns mean? Whats going to happen after pregnancies when your tummy skin is stretched out? Will he fund a tummy tuck? And would you want to go through that? What about when you begin to get wrinkles? I kind of see a life of striving for perfection here....is this what you want? What kind of father will this man make? If he demands such perfection from his wife-to-be then he's going to be a nightmare for his kids. I'd seriously think about these things before saying "I do".
Re: Your help needed
agree 100 percent MO3!! thaz exactly what ive been tryin to explain her too
[quote="mall, post:5, topic:211042"]
PLusha, many hugs. itne maze maze ke khaney banao gi toh moti nahi toh kya slim trim hogi. hehehe :D seriously i think as mch as ur cookin is awsum, i think its also takin a major toll on ur health yaar....
Aww mall tight wale hugs thanx for appreciating...waise i dont eat alot may be its because i have to sit all day long to study n all...m less active these dayz...khair...thnx for the advice...but lemme tell u one thing...i feel there is no turning back for me sweety...as ive told tht we have done alot for each other...and there was a stage in my life when i was nearly married to some other guy but H (my guy) created a filmy scene and brought me back to him...both our khandaans know about us...and over all m addicted to him....m looking for ways frm which i can change him or make him understand...i dont wanna let him go without showing any effort...
Re: Your help needed
The worst basis for any relationship - marriage in particular - is to assume that you will be able to change the other. Its highly likely that you will not accomplish it. Better to start planning how you will learn to accept, deal and live with it.
Re: Your help needed
thnx everyone for helping...but as ive mentioned tht there is no turning back for me...its not about love being blind because we are way beyond tht...sometimes i feel all this is happening cuz v hardly have age difference between us...so its expected frm him to act immaturely...i dont know...but plzzz tell me a way to teach him tht using foul language isnt a good choice and he shudnt take me for granted...
whenever i tell him tht what if after marriage i gain weight n all...so he sayz...tht is y m being strict on u so tht u control urself on this initial stage...he says u dun understand its for ur own benefit...
but plzzz temme what can i do to stop him abusing me like this??
the middle one is mine
the girls are his friends lol
i hve 2 boys MA, n as r cute yah the lil girls r just too cute 
Re: Your help needed
Personally, I feel that for him once your weight issue is out of the way then it will be something else. This is a behaviour that you will have to put up with the rest of your life. What happens after your pregnancy? Your body WILL change, whether he likes it or not.
You need to talk to him about respect, if he is using abusive language then you should think twice about this relationship. Lack of respect will lead to other abuse, because verbal is only the start.
Re: Your help needed
Plusha it's nothing to be offended about. Take it as constructive criticism. If he wants you to loose weight then try and loose weight.
Re: Your help needed
I agree with bbbb, if its not your weight then its going to be some other issue and when he finds another issue then he will just carry on verbally abusing u in the same way until u listen and do as he says. From ur posts I can see he has complete disregard for ur feelings. Ok fair enough he's telling u to lose weight because its not healthy etc etc but there is no excuse for the verbal abuse esp since ur saying that he says such filthy things to u. U may as well get used to this because uv already said ur not leaving no matter what and I dont see how u can make him change since u said he always wants things his way. The only way it will really hit him is if u seriously sit down n have a talk with him and tell him u will LEAVE if he doesnt stop abusing u and change his behaviour towards u and respect u more. Filthy abuse= lack of respect in my book. Would he tolerate this behaviour from u? I think not.
thnx everyone for helping...but as ive mentioned tht there is no turning back for me...its not about love being blind because we are way beyond tht...sometimes i feel all this is happening cuz v hardly have age difference between us...so its expected frm him to act immaturely...i dont know...but plzzz tell me a way to teach him tht using foul language isnt a good choice and he shudnt take me for granted... whenever i tell him tht what if after marriage i gain weight n all...so he sayz...tht is y m being strict on u so tht u control urself on this initial stage...he says u dun understand its for ur own benefit... but plzzz temme what can i do to stop him abusing me like this??
ek baar us ne tumse bathameezi hi, gaali di hai, now he will do it forever. He will never stop. Wait till you get married, thapar and laat are on the way. He'll physically abuse you once your married.
There is time to turn back and save yourself now. Later its going to be too late.
Verbal abuse turns to physical abuse. Be careful in what you are getting yourself into.
Re: Your help needed
...another thing to consider here is basic human nature. Before marriage, we're on our very best behavior. After marriage, its natural that the couple relaxes and its very easy to take each other for granted and not always be on the best behavior. Things will get worse for you. He even told you this. You have a pound or 2 to lose so he gets very nasty and says that he is "being strict on u so tht u control urself on this initial stage". So he's telling you that he can and will get worse unless you shape up to his standards.
Sorry, I really dont see any sort of happy ending here.
Re: Your help needed
Ask him one question. What if god forbid he broke his arm after marriage. Will he agree to free you then? Because you are marrying a "perfect" person, so he should remain "perfect" if he expects you to be perfect.
I guess he need counseling before marriage. Fitness is good but asking for 100% from others is just ridiculous
Gaining little bit weight should not be a issue in any strong relationship. if my wife gains a bit of weight, I do encourage her to lose it but never gets after her for it. I my self have a tendency to gain weight very quickly (I am among those jin k barey main kehtey hain k mitti-pather bhee khaeen tu we weight barh jata hai), but my wife never pushes me hard although she changes out routine and diet un-noticeably. I start seeing brown bread instead of white etc .....
Re: Your help needed
thnx everyone...i respect ur opinions alot as u all are far more experianced than i am...but quitting a 6 year long relationship isnt ez....self respect is top most priority for me...but even he is...but plz ppl dont forget tht the essence of love is still there...i know abusing sumone is unforgivable n its very hard even for me to tackle...but instead of quitting i really want to give it a try...i dun want to have this feeling in my heart tht i left the person whom i loved the most without even showing any effort...i know ive tried alot but still...i dun want to give up on him...may be a temporary cut off may work just like lipstick said...
sometimes when i even think of breaking up...all the numerous good qualities of H comes to my mind and i cannot overlook them...and this feeling also haunts me tht if i leave him n get married to some other guy...then what if he turns out to be far more evil than H is...what a regret would it be...confused!!!!!
Re: Your help needed
Plusha meri jaan u r so in denial. i agree with all the posts here more than a hundred percent. all of them are abs rite!!! listen i had in some other thread "marital abuse and emotional pandering" mentioned abt a v close friend of mine who was slapped and verbally abused at pre mariage and after marriage beaten up like an animal and said so many filthy abuses to her and her family that i wudnt even dream anyone in life wud hear. i see her in u in so many ways yar. she was also in love with him for sum yrs and despite his mother's disapproval and girls family NO interest, they went ahead and got married. exactly like YOU, she said theres no lookin back. i dun understand even now how she cud even marry him when the signs were there. yeah, she was BLIND!!!! she had also done sum physical stuff with him that she shudnt have been doin and they both regretted it but continue doin it for more than 2 yrs i guess. so she was BOUND to marry him cus they didnt consider themselves worthy of someone else. do read my post in that thread.
bottom line, i KNOW, its hard... i KNOW itll b painful, i KNOW its not a gud idea but trust me i ve seen my friend now all she dus is bang her head and cry literally every single day why she married him. honestly i m happy she has me or else she wud have had a nervous breakdown i swear. she opens her heart to me and as mch as i try to help her, i cant help thinkin wots her future gonna b like? shes married almost 3 yrs but nothin is workin out. out of 365 days maybe merely 10 days shes happy with him the rest with wailing and screaming and cryin and all. i dun want that to happen to u or anyone for that matter. like u she also used to cry with the thot of livin without him and all but those things are timely honey, its soooooooooooooo mch better to cry NOW, then later when u will have no way to turn back. yeh mat kaho ke u cant turn back, u dunno the meanin of that. ask those women who are married and really have no one to turn to. i just pray u dun end up being like my friend, cryin ur sockets out, on the way to the hospital. Allah tumhe apne hifz o aman mein rakhay. please b kind to urself. u deserve more respect than u actually think.
ive realised in my 26 yr experience, love is imp but MORE than that respect is the most imp thing in a relationship. with respect, love will come too. but its not love if u cannot respect ur own spouse. ur bf's attitude now is the best predictor for ur future remember that.
thnx everyone...i respect ur opinions alot as u all are far more experianced than i am...but quitting a 6 year long relationship isnt ez....self respect is top most priority for me...but even he is...but plz ppl dont forget tht the essence of love is still there...i know abusing sumone is unforgivable n its very hard even for me to tackle...but instead of quitting i really want to give it a try...i dun want to have this feeling in my heart tht i left the person whom i loved the most without even showing any effort...i know ive tried alot but still...i dun want to give up on him...may be a temporary cut off may work just like lipstick said... sometimes when i even think of breaking up...all the numerous good qualities of H comes to my mind and i cannot overlook them...and this feeling also haunts me tht if i leave him n get married to some other guy...then what if he turns out to be far more evil than H is...what a regret would it be...confused!!!!!
tch tch!! my friend thot EXACTLY the same thing. its amazin how we girls think soooo similar. and now she is regretting marryin him thinkin shud wudve gotten someone worse than him when infact in reality, her hubs is nitemare she wud have never ever dreamt off. i guess ive given my opinion. its ur life. do as u like. but remember dun blame anyone. ull b responsible for e verythin and that burden is 1000 time worse than marryin a stranger who ur parents chose for u!