I’m sure this is a common topic, but wanted to get opinions on it anyway.
I was having a discussion with two of my girlfriends the other day. Both are well educated and in their twenties. We were having a discussion on what family and society expects of us. One of my girlfriends mentioned that its only important that we get a good education and come from good and honest families and that we are raised with good manners and values. We all agreed that is important. Neither one of us are where we want to be career wise, or even otherwise. For example, I want to be in shape, I want a stable career, I want to be a better muslim, etc. The same can be said for my friends.
An interesting point brought up was material gain and how members of society often judge you based on your material gains. Despite the fact that my friends felt they were brought up with good values and had a good education, and felt these are the most important things in life, they still felt inadequate due to the fact that they didn’t have the other material gains that sometimes family and society wants one to have in order to be “complete”. I found it to be very ironic. That on the one hand they knew one thing is the most important thing, and on the other they have this desire to be materially rich in order to feel good enough about themselves.
How many of us fall into this? That we simply haven’t accomplished much in life unless we have a nice big house with 3 children and a Mercedes parked outside. How many of us say this isnt the case with us but if we look at our actions, it really is the case with us? I just had this feeling that my friends were beating themselves up over this. The interesting thing is that my friends seem content with their lives, but the minute they start talking about what their family expects of them, you can just see the discontent rising. Its almost like they are trying to convince themselves and others that life is just how they would like it to be, but somehow because others don’t consider it to be enough, it really means that life can be a lot better. It’s almost like they are not allowing themselves to experience true happiness, because they have made other peoples expectations a part of their own. No doubt that we do this to some degree, but too much isnt healthy. I guess that’s why some of the girls I know are struggling through medical school eventhough they don’t want to be there. I am wondering if they feel inadequate unless they complete their degrees.
Since when have we come to a point where degrees, cars, houses, clothes are the qualities to look for in a person? Why do we believe this to be the ultimate success? Sometimes its so implicit that people don’t even realize they think this way. It’s so hidden. But you can tell when you mix in different circles. I remember an incident in uni when one of my friends introduced me to some of her acquaintances. These acquaintances came from well-to-do families. I asked her why she isn’t hanging around with them, and she said something like, “they belong to the richer/well-known families in this city and don’t include me in their group.” They made her feel inadequate basically, though she said it was probably unintentional by them.
I’ve heard it time and again from people, that material things are not what matter in life, but I’ve also seen that the actions from the same people who say that, often state otherwise.
Are we all a prisoner to this thinking? Do you say one thing but follow another course? Will you really be content when you are 80 and you live in a small house with 4 children, where both parents had to work? Or will you feel you could have done better? That if only you had a third bedroom, in a slightly better neighborhood, then you would have really achieved something? At what point do we stop and say that we have enough to be content?
Thanks. smile
I would rather live in a 3 bedroom ranch, than live in two different houses…it is such a waste of money…show offs.