Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
Well, you know what....if she gets a bad reputation becuase of it then she deserves it because frankly, what she did wasn't something to be congratulated for
i get what ur saying but when its ur daughter u dont think like that ... and u think that u not speaking with her not being lovey dovey with her anymore is punishment enough...which is what wud happen...she would suffer my wrath but i will be damned if i let her suffer at anyone else's hand..despite what she did
Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
^I like.
And abortion never occurred to me. Abortion, although a very tough decision and something I dont necessarily think should be done unless it's rape or something along those lines, would be in order.
Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
I would personally punish her for doing such a stupid thing. If she was underage, I'd get to tell the docs whether she could have the epidural or not. Yes, I know...it would evil but you gotta pay the price so you never ever do something so stupid again.
I'd make her have the child and give the baby to a family who couldn't have children.
Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
When she steps into purberty........i would slaughter a kitten every 6 months in front of her.....and make her understand that this will be her fate if she ever did that...............i think that will deter her from such mistake......probably
Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
Why killing a poor kitten. :(
But I agree with Nomi. I'd set ground rules from an early age and try to instil as much concept of halal/haram and show examples of how ppl could end up having their lives ruined here and hereafter.
Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
I think in today's society there are quite realistic chances of this happening. Given company beyond the home, the level of awareness around, possible peer pressure, the bombardment of information from various forums such as media etc, it is a very real possibility that sex outside of matrimony is becoming more and more common.
I think there needs to be a two pronged approach. The children need to be assured of continual support and confidence in parents should be nurtured. Parenting has become even more difficult than it was previously. A lot of effort and time needs to go into properly bringing up a child.
Now given that the daughter is pregnant outside of marriage, doodh ka doodh pani ka pani toh ho hi gaya. There can be multiple situations. First off, as we doctors do, a complete "history" needs to be taken.
The particulars of the boy, the situation etc. If proper then I think the boy needs to be called in to speak with him and see whether something can be arranged between the two of them. This would be based on whether the boy is muslim first and foremost. If he is of age, whether or not he is studying would not matter really. Even if he is too young (ie still studying and not working) it wouldnt matter. If he is muslim, of age ie 20 and above, I would confer with his mom and see what can be done. How soon marriage can be arranged.
Another situation is that the girl is too young. Supposing she is 16, in which case id think the boy is young too and perhaps marriage is out of the question. Then I hope and pray that the pregnancy hasnt proceeded too far. Abortion is the way to go in that case.
Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
If the girl is too young like 13 or 14 then going through the pregnancy and delivery can put her life at risk. I saw this documentary about child brides and how so many of them lost their lives in labour.
I'd do anything to protect my child from getting any harm or bad reputation. If she's old enough (16 or above) to have a baby, I'd lock her up in her room, buy a fake bump and would pretend to be pregnant and when the baby is born at home I'd raise the kid as my own and would definitely give my daughter a chance to live her life like a normal person.
Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
Firstly, I would sit down and ask myself "Where did I go wrong?".. I would feel partially responsible for my daughters predicament. Did I not tell her about peer pressure and how to avoid it? Did I not warn her about getting mixed up with guys and the wrong crowd? Did I give her too much freedom?..
After the anger and dissapointment, I would sit down with my daughter and ask her what she wanted and I would try and support her decision.... The exeception being that if she was really young, under 21 and she didnt want an abortion, I would try very, very hard to pursuade her to give the baby up for adoption. Infact, I'd probably go as far as demand that she put the baby up for adoption. I think it is possible to "pre-select" a family for the unborn baby so he/she would go to a childless muslim couple. I would in no way encourage an abortion. An abortion is a very emotional thing and and I wouldn't want to force her to do such a thing unless she wanted to but even then I probably would disuade her because it's not something easy to handle later in life. She is too young to raise a baby and I do not want her ruining her life so adoption would be the next best thing.
If she was 21 or over, then she's old enough to "do the crime and pay the price" and I would try and support her in anyway I could. I know we would be the talk of the town and have our reputation marred, but to be honest, I don't care what these "aunties" think and she is MY daughter and I will support her 100% because I love her unconditionally.
We are all human and we all make mistakes. Some small, some big.. The important thing is to learn from them and make right what went wrong...
Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
Oh.. and about marrying this guy.. If they were both over 21 and happily agreed to it off their own accord, I would agree to it too.. But I wouldn't force her to as it would in no doubt lead to an unhappy marriage and I wouldn't want that. Unhappy mums lead to imbalanced, depressed, unhappy kids!
Re: Your daughter is now pregnant outside marriage
I've met so many young asian girls (in my job) who have gotten pregnant at a young age, and the usual answer given by their parents is to kick them out of the house and their family / the guy will abandon them, so I'm surprised to hear these answers
in most cases the girls keep their babies (aside from a small number who may abort), there are VERY FEW who would give their child up for adoption, even the younger girls. It's sad that their lives get ruined and they're saddled with a small baby, but some of them do manage to turn their lives around.
So you never know really.
