..the oldest is very responsible mature, giving and tends to look out for everyone.
Is this always the case amongst siblings!? I’ve started talking more and more about such things with my friends .. and I was suprised to discover most of them are also the oldest and have the same problem in their family!?
Is this just inevitable or is there a way to prevent it when raising your children?
I know in my house the youngest was spoiled big time by my dad.. but still as an adult now you’d think he would grow up and start taking responsibilty for his own actions… I know he was not born this way ..cause he was a very lovable, selfless kid in the begining.
Ihave also noticed that eldest ones are somtimes bossy, very judging of the younger siblings, jealous, and make them..especially the youngest one feel that he/she is an idiot, does not know anything, cant not think for himself/herself etc etc. the eldest ones also seem to have a I am right you are wrong, i care you dont type of approach, without thinking that the type of development the younger sibling is goign thru, they too went at one time
Youngest usually get more freedom that others because by that time parents have tried their trial and error methods and have a good nuff approach developed :) , could be more spoilt than their elder siblings. But are the youngest spoilt or hgave they been spoilt by the parents..that is a difficult question to answer.
The middle kids usually get ignored etc in comparison. baycharay hum log..
Waqas, I'm the youngest in my family. I am spoiled .... did get pampered in ways my elder siblings didn't (and still do :D ). However, that doesn't mean that I am not responsible or take advantage of my family cause I'm the baby.
I started working at the age of 16, paid my own way through college and university without taking any loans from my parents or government loans, and did a lot more without any help from my folks. Not only that, but I help out a lot at home. A truly spoiled and irresponsible child would get everything handed to them on a silver platter and would unappreciate what they have.
I have seen plenty of spoiled kids .... who aren't necessarily the youngest in their families. I think it comes down to the way you are raised. Being pampered is one thing, but at the same time, I really do believe that it is the parents responsibility to correct their child's behaviour from an early age in order to prevent their becoming irresponsible and selfish when they get older.
I hope that makes sense. :)
I also agree with Mr. Fraudia ... the middle child is always neglected. The elder one is usually deemed as the wise, responsible one while the little one is forever the baby. What about the middle child? Often, the middle child feels the neglect.
i'm the oldest and definitely the dominant one. i think the youngest is pretty spoilt, but not always very bratty. i think they don't have the sense of responsibility that the oldest has.
the middle child is always screwy. and usually very neat and particular. anyone else noticed that?
i think regarding marriage: oldests shouldn't marry oldests and youngest shouldn't marry youngests, generally. what do you think?
Wow, so middle children are neglected/beechaaray AND screwy.
No hopes for me to ever turn normal then eh :-/
Eldest being bossy is kinda true, my sister has always been bossy/dominant, especially when we were kids.
Youngest... hmmm yeah he is spoilt!
Blah, so I gues it is true.
Me and my other brother are middle kids.. he's perticular and I'm neat :D
[quote]
i think regarding marriage: oldests shouldn't marry oldests and youngest shouldn't marry youngests, generally. what do you think?
[/quote]
Hmmm, never thought about that. SO why shouldn't they?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ShiNoO: *
Wow, so middle children are neglected/beechaaray AND screwy.
No hopes for me to ever turn normal then eh :-/
Eldest being bossy is kinda true, my sister has always been bossy/dominant, especially when we were kids.
Youngest... hmmm yeah he is spoilt!
Blah, so I gues it is true.
Me and my other brother are middle kids.. he's perticular and I'm neat :D
Hmmm, never thought about that. SO why shouldn't they?
[/QUOTE]
hehe -- well they're ALL weird. not just the middle :)
as for the marriage thing, i think our personalities develop to complement the people we are around, so we fit better with people who are a little different. different roles. am i making sense?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Sahar02: *
i
i think regarding marriage: oldests shouldn't marry oldests and youngest shouldn't marry youngests, generally. what do you think?
[/QUOTE]
^ so now we have to add that to our ever-growing list of do's and dont's regarding marriage? as if things weren't bad enough already !
^ so now we have to add that to our ever-growing list of do's and dont's regarding marriage? as if things weren't bad enough already !
[/QUOTE]
haha.
well i don't think it's set in stone obviously. just something to think about :) and you can always work around it. just have to be aware that it might be a place of tension and require adjustment like so many things in marriage.
Well my brother and I are still somehow best friends and pretty close.. we just figured out how to make it work lol
And in many ways he is very resposible and caring too...but it is interesting to see how certain things .. I guess not taken care of lol when we were little kinda remain with us the rest of our lives.
regarding the marriage thing?
Yeah I was kinda wondering about that too..
I guess there is no set fast rule.. though I've noticed it's the first born girls I get along with best...and it's not like I ask them .. but same as with friends in general I'm surprised to find out later when I do ..that they too tend to be the oldest kid.
You get brought up along with ur elder bros' and sis's screwups and hookups. So in the end u have a big ol list of do's and don'ts. The way I look at it....being youngest means u can generally end up being in 3 categories.
1)Those who stick to the don'ts...never get anywhere and remain confused.
2)Some (I think the majority) try to mix both and either come out as average individuals or end up remaining in the elder's shadows.
3)Some but quite a few always try to one-up the do's and so they're always the most successful of the lot.
My siblings were not partial to the eldest in the family in our early years. We got along with him, but he played the leader role. Kept us in line, tends to be the more serious one, passed down orders, but also was very giving and charitable Mash'Allah, whereas we werent as much.
The youngest was definately more pampered and catered to, and did not have as many "no's" said to him as the rest of us, but he turned out a fine gentleman. Very goofy and often childish just to make someone laugh, but also very sensitive to others feelings and caring. Mash'Allah.
I read an article on who is best suited to whom, regarding first borns, eldest vs. youngest, etc. It was interesting, but again, all generalizations. If I find it I will post here.
I am the eldest child and I tend to be bossy, I get defensive when proved wrong by a younger sibling and then use that I know more than you tone, I feel like I have a lot of responsibility and expectations from my parents, it can be so overwhelming being the eldest!!!
i sorta disagree with the titlle.. m the eldest n yeah m kinda bossy n selfish.. but the youngest ones r 'becharay' i suppose.. they need to cater everyone's wishes n needs.. like in general.. usually its him who is doing everyone elses tasks... like jub bhi we need sumthin from the store .. he is the one who is going out to get it... or even for a small thing like gettin a glass of water from the kitchen .. he has to get up n get it from there for me... khayr.. ofcourse i make him do it.. but m not the only person... my other bro does the same.. so does my mom n dad.. cus if they ask my other bro.. he alwasy hav an excuse of being busy... anyway.. they do get lot of papering in return.. but i still think they r becharay.
Im the eldest, im bossy with my youngest brother and sister but with my other brother whose 2 years younger than me we’re still comrades in crime
everyone keeps telling me im spoilt but i really dont think so.
so ok i was upset when noone made me breakfast (usually i dont eat any) but i wasnt feeling very well and still and i just KNOW im right theyre wrong (!)
other than that i spoil every kid in my family rotten, i cant help it, if im having lunch at some place i remember my siblings, usually end up buying kinder-surprises, crayons colouring books, those funny new candy spray sweets chocolates anything and well everything - ok i spoil them to an extent
but i like doing that and i like it even more when im sorting out their problems or when theyre upset i have to cheer them up, its so nice to see people brighten up
as for the youngest, yeah hes spoiled i dont help but hes not immature, on the contrary hes mashaAllah super mature - the bad point is hes learnt the art of blackmail
I definitely think the youngest child tends to be spolied! My youngest sis is WAY too spoiled for her own good, and let's face it, apart from my parents granting her every wish, I, as the eldest of siblings, spoil her quite alot as well. Both my sisters only wear brand names and nothing less in terms of well...everything! God forbid even eye shadow be ever bought from the local CVS pharmacy....to my sisters, even a Loreal or Revlon aren't good enough brands. They only use Lancome, Lauder, or something at that level.
My youngest sis wanted a Burberry handbag for her Eid gift this past Eid and lo and behold, she got it. She wanted a Bebe jacket (that you'd wear probably only a number of times before throwing out) costing $165 and got it in no time. I mean, the girl blinks and her every wish is granted.
Meanwhile, I grew up pretty modestly compared to my siblings. I didn't wear brand names like CK, Hilfiger, and whatnot, nor did I care what brand mascara or lipstick I wore. It was actually after becoming a working girl at age 22 that I began appreciating the finer things in life and started spoiling myself a little bit, and in the process, feeling good about it because whatever I bought was bought with fruits of my own labor.
The eldest child tends to be more responsible, well-grounded, and goal-oriented. I also feel that the eldest attempts more than any other child, to set a good example for the other siblings to set them on the right path. In this sense, there is alot of pressure growing up, on the eldest child. I should know! But it's all good and you never regret being the eldest.
sweetpie ' It was actually after becoming a working girl at age 22 that I began appreciating the finer things in life'
The finer things in life are always free!
'I also feel that the eldest attempts more than any other child, to set a good example for the other siblings to set them on the right path.'
Yeah but if you're spending all this money on expensive beauty and material stuff who you think your younger sisters are looking to for inspiration? Sounds like they're just trying to be like you from what you have told us.
^I was talking about the "finer things in life" in the context of my thread. I'm sorry for any confusion. Regarding the second comment, I know I'm guilty of spoiling my sisters, and you're right, they do look at me for inspiration in many ways.
and i just KNOW im right theyre wrong (!)
i dont help but hes not immature, on the contrary hes mashaAllah super mature - the bad point is hes learnt the art of blackmail