Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

Lifestyle Relationships
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I have seen few marriages where the younger sister gets married before the elder sister’s marriage, the reason being she got a proposal first & so.It shouldn’t be something which should matter so much,but in a desi society where almost every one would come & enquire as of why the elder is still being unmarried while the younger is already getting married, i wonder,in such a case,how an elder sister feels?If you would be in such a situation,how would you feel?

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

just keep herself positive and tell truth.
in the mean time, parents should search a good rishta for her..

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

Im sure it wudnt be a comfortable situation for either of the sisters if not for any other reason then just the thought what the others must think, etc etc.

It shud be avoided but if its a very good rishta then its ok by all means go ahead with it bt make sure the elder one is made comfortable about it.

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

This is such a great topic and very near to what we all face or observe on regular basis.

I think that parents with multiple daughters should instill this thought in their kids that marriages is not something that is bound to follow the order of birth. Its based on many factors and a younger could get married before the older one and it should be ok.

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

I wouldn't stop my younger sister from getting married before me...especially if she's found a really great guy. Would it sting? Perhaps......I'm only human. But I would do my best to support her and have fun with all the arrangements. Let's be realistic....how long is one going to put their life on hold for another person? Wouldn't it be considered self-centered?

One of my cousins got married right after finishing high school. She never completed college.....she just concentrated on working and her marriage. For years..she tried having kids...but the efforts would result in miscarriages. She had been married for more than 10 years...and no kids. Her younger siblings moved on and graduated college...while she only had her high school degree. Then her younger sister...who was in her mid twenties....ended up having the FIRST baby in that family. It was painful because the older sister had gotten pregnant and then ended up with a miscarriage yet again.....and the younger sister got pregnant shortly after that.....it was a successful pregnancy. While the parents and other siblings were happy that the younger sister was pregnant.......they did resent the younger sister for getting pregnant right after the older one lost her baby.

^But with time they got over it. When the first grandchild in that family was born...it was showered with so much love from everyone. And the older sister got pregnant shortly after that baby was born....and that was a successful pregnancy. She also went on to complete her college degree. So, everything fell into place.......different time for everyone. We dont all have the same destiny.

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

No big deal. I have younger sisters who's in college (they're younger to me by quite a few years). I've been with my SO for 2 years but we don't plan on getting married for quite a while. Both of our parents know about us. My sisters are already starting to get rishtas. So far my parents have said "no" b/c they're still in college. But my dad did mention how he's uncomfortable with the idea of one of them getting married before me.

As for me being the eldest sister.....it doesn't bother me at all. I have enough confidence in myself to realize that me not being married is a choice at this point and not b/c there's something lacking with me. If one of my sisters do happen to get married before me...then I'd feel nothing but happiness for them. :)

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

i've seen such a wedding, the younger sister got a rishta, and the larkay wallay asked for the marriage, all the preparation time for the marriage ceremony was a disaster for the poor larki walay, as the elder sister made their life hell... it was disturbing to see such a nice and sweet baji going all nuts just becoz her younger sister was getting married before her... the poor family had to do all the preparations like that... the elder sister would even give tanay to the younger-sister's saas :S

i really dont know what happened to her, becoz i've known her for such a long time n she's always been very nice towards her family n everyone...

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

@ paheli ap ka to ye hai, that u choose to marry later. but baat unki hai, jahan par younger sis gets a rishta and older doesnt...

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

Personally I wouldn't mind it. I'd be happy for her. Sab ka time likha hota hai, if hers is written earlier than mine then what's the big deal? Kamsekam usko to apni zindagi jeenay do.

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

My younger ones DID get married before me...two of them. :)

I was not ready for marriage...not interested AT ALL to say the least. I had gotten too much marriage-talk since the age of 15...by the time I was 19 I was dead set against it and tired of hearing about it.

I was not upset when my sisters got married before me because I dont see any reason to hold them up especially since I had no intention of tying the knot anytime soon.

Live and let live is my rule...be happy for others and you shall have the same some day. :)

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

You're right. It is a choice for me. If it was a case where I didn't have someone in my life, I'd still be happy for my sister. I don't feel the need to "compete" with my siblings. I can understand where a older sister might feel a slight case of sadness and maybe even a bit of jealousy.....BUT at the end, she should still be happy for her younger sister.

I'm a firm believer that marriages happen when they're meant to happen. When I was younger (college aged), my parents actually searched for rishtas for me for quite a while. Either the guy didn't like me or I didn't like them. I met my SO on my own at a time when I wasn't even looking for someone. The older sister in the OPs case should realize that her "right person" will come along....it's just going to take longer in her case.

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

but what if....

the rishta comes for the older sister but then the parents get it fixed with the younger daughter because they want the younger daughter to be happier as it is a realy really good proposal

has it ever happened or am i being insane

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

it depends on the person. if you have confidence and guts you can actually shut the people up that its none of their business as to who is getting married first.

i have seen this happening with guys too..."bare bhai ki tou shaadi nahi hui tou chote bhai/behn ki kaise ho rahi hai"

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

My finace (nikkah is done) is younger then my sister-in-law who is not married yet. We decided we wanted to have our nikkah done, and so we did. Not that anyone has ever said anything to me, but I feel really guilty sometimes because we married before she did.

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

Ive never heard of something like this happening

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

Does it really ever happen so? Aren't all the daughters equal for their parents?

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

Nothing is impossible Are you saying parents are afraid of losing a good proposal because they think the guy family may not like the older daughter? Yes that IS possible.

It may be due to older one not compatible for the guy for any reason and the parents probably do not want to risk losing the proposal.

Sounds bad innit?

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

My mom is very strict in fixing my younger sister's proposal untill I am married... I have not had a hot talk with my mom because my younger sister herself is not ready for the marriage as she just completed her studies and has just started a job. We really feel that she needs to establish herself before we can get her married (she always has been the baby of the family)... Therefore, there is no issue and she has not received any proposal yet before me. But its just that my mom is very adamant that young sisters should not get married as it has a negative impact on older sister and she will have more difficulty in getting proposals after the marriage of younger sister (I really doubt that)... But it shows the general thinking and opnions of desi parents...

As far as my feelings are concerned, may be I would feel a little awkward (mainly because what I have been hearing from my mom).... But I would defeinitly not let my mom say no to rishta that would come for my sister before my marriage...

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

I'm sure it annoys her that people look at her with pity. I'm sure it annoys her that there is a twinge of sadness to all of her sister's wedding celebrations. I'm sure it annoys her that even though she is accomplished in other ways, people see the fact that she is single as some sort of failure. Sure if she's ready to be married, people need to actively start the "search" for her. But you have to be careful about making things more awkward for her.

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Re: Younger sister's marriage before elder sister's..

Right and I think a lot of times an otherwise secure and happy older sis will feel bad BECAUSE other people are feeling bad for her.