i didnt say im not going to work. i said i never wanna work.
as far as being at a weaker position, i don't agree with that. we have been married a few months and i dont have a job, im studying for some exams and i don't go asking him to buy me things or give me 'pocket money' like im 10 yrs old. we have joint accounts, i have my own debt and credit cards. i pay all the bills and most of the time it is he who asks me for money. same goes for stay-at-home moms. they arent at a weaker position just cuz they don't go out and work. ur not in a weak position unless u allow urself to be.
ya joint accounts are fine.he ask u for money?but u r not earning
well if u r relying on his money..weather ur drawing it from joint account it b got anyone into weaker position because its your husband income not yours..
Re: you wana earn yourself or wana dependent on your spouse for money?
^that's not how I think of it. And that's not how my husband thinks of it. His income is OUR household income. When I work, that's our income also, not just mine. When I make food I don't say it's my food and ur at a weaker position cuz I made it.
A lot of women are stay at home moms, u really think they are in a "weaker" position?
In ur marriage thats what u may think may happen, that ur in some sort of weaker position because ur not out working but that's certainly not the case in my marriage.
Re: you wana earn yourself or wana dependent on your spouse for money?
^ well said - by asking her for money she means that since she manages the bills and stuff he usually asks her wats the account status etc and if she has cash on hand, that doesnt mean LITERALLY askin her for money. Its the same with my husband too. & just because we have joint accounts doesnt mean we're weak? Its OUR money, he's my husband, I'm his wife and thats a big enuff rishta for him to care about my needs and wants! so maybe you do need to step back and analyse your thoughts..
I dnt currently work but that doesnt mean my husband doesnt let me go out and splurge. I have debit/credit cards for all his accounts and use them when i need to.
At the same time, as soon as im done my studies I will start looking for a job but not because I can stay at home, which I will be after the kids come along.. I just wnt to be able to get out there and work, make some money and get something on my resume!
My hubby makes enough to support me and a family Alhumdulillah but like Jaanwar said women should work to be self sufficient incase something goes wrong (khuda na kare).
Re: you wana earn yourself or wana dependent on your spouse for money?
^yes exactly. i usually have cash with me so he invariably asks me for it instead of going out himself to get it. and i agree both spouses should be self sufficient but that doesnt mean that just cuz one of the spouses is making money it is only his or her money and the other is at some 'weak' position.
i mean u wana earn to have your own money..which u can spend whenever u want without letting anone whr u r spending on....
or wana dependent on your hubby for money by aksing or drawing from account ?
and if u are depening on your hubby for money do u feel bad or something like that u r actually depending on someone
i m not finding appropriate words to express my point but i hope u r getting my point.
I used to work when we got married. Our earnings went to the same account and we made all our expenses from that account. If I needed anything, I'd get it and just let hubby know. That way the accounting is in order. Now I stay home, nothing's changed. My husband never questions what i withdraw or where I spend because both of us are mature and responsible about the money. I don't feel this "my money" issue because even when I used to earn, we treated it as our money not mine and his. Same thing now as well.
^that's not how I think of it. And that's not how my husband thinks of it. His income is OUR household income. When I work, that's our income also, not just mine. When I make food I don't say it's my food and ur at a weaker position cuz I made it.
A lot of women are stay at home moms, u really think they are in a "weaker" position?
In ur marriage thats what u may think may happen, that ur in some sort of weaker position because ur not out working but that's certainly not the case in my marriage.
oh no no u took me wrong
i was just talking generally.few ppl think this way some dont..i dont exactly think this way.its not relaly about weaker position but may b its about relying on some one finnacialy
even my husband doenst think this way. even he started sending money after nikkah every month i said i dont need but he said after marrige is my responsibility to fullfill yr financial needs..
i wish every hubby does this
i m working and i,ll continue owrking till baby then i,ll left
and i agree god forbid i f something happen .woemn hsould b self sufficient.
to survive financilayy
my personal opinion is hubby should give her some plot or buy some prizebond on her name ..that she can live nicely after him
and women those who belongs to a lower poor class..they r mostly jahils so they should know some skils to survive in this world if something happend to thir hubbies
Suhaina, women in the rural area's are usually the one's earning the men are found in the corner of a milk shop gulping endless glasses of lassi.. and buying paan and K2 ka Pakistan on the way back home...
Re: you wana earn yourself or wana dependent on your spouse for money?
NGO work is more politics and less cause. It is grossly over rated.
When it comes to survival instincts/skills/strength and understanding of matters (and of course, politics), an average paindoo woman kicks a city gal's ass all the way from chakk-48 to los angeles and back.
Suhaina, women in the rural area's are usually the one's earning the men are found in the corner of a milk shop gulping endless glasses of lassi.. and buying paan and K2 ka Pakistan on the way back home...
good to c yr rpely..i saw in other thread u were leaving gs
^ Hope it changes u're perception too about women from the rural area's being "jahil" and "paindo" those women are bread winners.. they work several shifts a day to pay for the food, clothing, education and their husbands nasha as well. (whatever it may be)
Some, rather most of the posts in this thread are surprising. Once married, its almost silly to think in terms of your money and my money. Not only does it defeat the purpose of marriage, it also sows divisive seeds.
Whether or not a wife earns is a different matter, but I dont see how having to ask your husband for money is demeaning in any way. Being dependent on your husband is not a bad thing. Its a great thing. And that leads him to want to depend on you as well. That is what marriage is all about...sheesh!
My wife and I have both individual, and joint accounts. The joint account is for our savings (we are saving up for a house inshallah). Our individual accounts are from before marriage, and that is where our incomes go. I work full time, and my wife works part time. So we retain those accounts, but we dont really look at them as segregated funds.
I give my wife an agreed upon amount every month, part of which is her pocket money, and part is for the household expenses and bills. Apart from the bills and basic household expenses, I dont ask her how much she has saved, or where she has spent it. Its another matter that she herself likes to tells me what she bought, or how much she saved.
My point is, what the heck? married people should grow up at least!
Re: you wana earn yourself or wana dependent on your spouse for money?
^ Gina - paindoo men and women have divided responsibilities. Those men don't sit on their arse all day and do nothing. Both have to struggle to keep things moving.
In most villages/gaon's it's not really divided, it's mostly the women picking fruit..cotton etc.. the men are lazing around or spending the entire day gossiping at someone's "general store". Very few share the responsibility.. GEO made a great documentary on it..