A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the
CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important
document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on,
inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside
the machine. “I just need one copy.”
Lesson Learnt - Never, never assume that the boss knows everything.
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the
window, “I want to open a damn checking account.”
To which the astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir; I must
have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right
now!"
“I’m very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in
this bank.” Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes
over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, “What seems to
be the problem here?”
“There’s no damn problem, sonny,” the elderly man says. "I just won 50
million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking
account in this
damn bank!"
“I see,” says the manager thoughtfully. “And you’re saying that this
bitch here is giving you a hard time?”
Lesson Learnt - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost
anything.
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA
when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese
are you?"
The Japanese, confused, replied, “Sorry but I don’t understand what
you mean.”
The American repeated, “What kind of -ese are you?”
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now
irritated, then yelled, “What kind of -ese are you… Are you a
Chinese, Japanese, or Vietnamese?”
The Japanese then replied, “Oh, I am a Japanese.”
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind
of ‘-key’ was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, “What do you mean what kind of
‘-key’ am I ?!”
The Japanese said, “Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee?”
Lesson Learnt - If you can give it, learn to take it, too.
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a
French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the
bottle, a genie appears.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him from the bottle, he said,
"Next
to
you are 4 swimming pools, full of water. I will give each of you a
wish.
When
you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of
water
to become, and your wish will come true."
The Frenchman wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
shouted “WINE”. The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The
Frenchman was so
happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian’s turn. He did the same and shouted, “VODKA” and
immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and as he jumped, he shouted, “BEER”. He was so
contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when
suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and
shouted, “**** !!!..”
Lesson Learnt - Think twice before you say something, because
sometimes accidents do happen.