You Know Your Desi When

Hangout Humor (Rated G)
1

You Know Your Desi When:

Your house smells like fried onions.

When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent.

There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.

You make tea in a saucepan.

You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.

You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.

You have a ‘Singer Brother’ sewing machine at home.

Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn’t talk to her for ten years.

You call an older person you’ve never met before “uncle”.

You hide everything from your parents.

Your mother does everything for you if you are male.

You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.

Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

Everyone is a family friend.

Everyone always called you for help on homework.

You study law, medicine or engineering at university.

You know no one who has studied music.

You went to a university as far away from home as possible.

You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.

Your best friend got married at the age of 17.

You only make telephone calls after 6pm.

You like the meat well done.

You eat onions with everything.

You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.

You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

You say you hate Indian films(songs) but secretly watch(hear) them with your parents.

You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.

You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you’re with but the waiters don’t understand you.

You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.

You always say “open the light” instead of “turn the light on”.

You secure your baggage with a rope.

You’re walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.

You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.

You go back to your parents’ country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.

You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.

Your Dad drives a Nissan.

You’re rich so he drives a Mercedes.

(For females) You’re parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable.

(For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 6pm.

You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go.

When you were little you always wondered why your English friends waited until afterbreakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in morning.

To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid.

You wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of each other.

Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names.

You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku.

Your parents call all your friends “Beta” (son) whether they are PAKI or not.

Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds.

Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.

Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try to demonstrate how well it works whenever they’re not fighting.

Your parents compare you to all of their friends’ kids.

At least once a week your mom says, “I want to go to India/Pakistan”.

No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.

Your parents worry what other people will think if you’re not going to be a doctor/ lawyer/ engineer.

You’re parent’s always say, “It’s cheaper in India/Pakistan”.

2

Re: You Know Your Desi When

is tht wht u do :hmmm:

3

Re: You Know Your Desi When

:hoonh:

4

Re: You Know Your Desi When

:snooty:

5

Re: You Know Your Desi When

u have done long reasearch of wht u do in normal routine
well one :cb:

6

Re: You Know Your Desi When

stop following me:rolleyes:

7

Re: You Know Your Desi When

haters :snooty: i pity u

8

Re: You Know Your Desi When

:rotfl:
u r funny

9

Re: You Know Your Desi When

ummm do i even know you??? ur kinda creepy...

10

Re: You Know Your Desi When

you know you are desi when you mix 'you are' with 'your'

11

Re: You Know Your Desi When

lol that was a spelling typo i meant to write you're

12

Re: You Know Your Desi When

:rotfl:

gud ovservations…

13

Re: You Know Your Desi When

Funny ones and quite a few of them are actually true :D

14

Re: You Know Your Desi When

You are a Desi when you are travelling alone and your entire tubbar comes to see you off at the railway station aur usme se 80% train ke under (not under) aa baithte hain.

15

Re: You Know Your Desi When

.....when you open an off licence corner shop in England :)

.....When you ghoor another desi in foreign land as if to say ''sajjano tou bhi aa gaya yahan''

16

Re: You Know Your Desi When

*I have seen this trait in all Indians abroad, irrespective of where they are from in India. Bus main, train main, plane main, restaurant main sab jagah ghoorte hain. Lekin main kisi ko nahin ghoorta isliye sab mujhe ghoorte hain:D *

17

Re: You Know Your Desi When

:D

18

Re: You Know Your Desi When

These are the ones I can relate to.

19

Re: You Know Your Desi When

i can relate to more than half of these:bummer:

20

You Still Know Your Desi When...

  1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.
  2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
  3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
  4. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
  5. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil
  6. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
  7. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
  8. You have never used your dishwasher.
  9. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
  10. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
  11. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
  12. You always leave your shoes at the door.
  13. You hate to waste food.
  14. You don't own any real Tupperware -- only a cupboard full of used, but carefully rinsed, margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
  15. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
  16. The condiments in your fridge are either Price-Club/Sam's sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal everytime you get take-out or go to McDonalds.
  17. Ditto paper napkins.
  18. You never order room service.
  19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
  20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
  21. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
  22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
  23. You majored in engineering, medicine or law.
  24. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
  25. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old. (And they prefer it that way).
  26. You don't use measuring cups.
  27. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
  28. Your parents' house is always cold.
  29. You reuse teabags.
  30. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore.
  31. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information costs 50 cents.
  32. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.
  33. You have acquired a taste for bitter gourd.
  34. You like your meat well done.
  35. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
  36. Your parents never go to the movies.
  37. Your parents send money to their relatives in foreign countries.
  38. Your parents use a clothes line.
  39. You've joined a CD club at least once.
  40. You know someone who you think can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
  41. You never discuss your love life or sex with your parents.
  42. Your parents are never happy with your grades.
  43. You save your old coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again.
  44. You keep used batteries.
  45. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
  46. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."
  47. The first thing uncle asks you is "where are your parents from?"
  48. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
  49. You've been asked if you are a Hindi or if you speak Hindu
  50. Your parents buy Sears/Montgomery Ward appliances believing they are the best.
  51. No one you're related to is a music major.
  52. You avoid motels, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 mile radius of your destination. 52 You sleep on their floor.
  53. When you type, you put a space between the last word in a sentence and the terminating punctuation mark!
  54. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs.
  55. When our fathers get together, no matter what the topic is, each man is an expert.
  56. You have a box of tissue or a towel in your car.
  57. You grow your own vegetables.
  58. You can't park your car in the garage, because you never throw anything away and keep it there (just in case you need it).
  59. You trust only foreign cars (accord or camry, metallic green).
  60. You drive 2 hours and spend a whole day to get a complementary cutlery set for listening to a sales pitch on vacation timeshares.
  61. 99.9% of the women you know, work in hospitals (Malayalees).
  62. You cook in bulk.
  63. You have bedsheets on your sofas.
  64. When dining out, your parents think $1 is enough of a tip.
  65. You recycle Christmas/Birthday gifts.
  66. You head to the clearance rack as soon as you walk into a store.
  67. You buy clothes from K-mart and put it in a recycled gift box from Macy's before giving it.
  68. Your favorite brandname is "IRREGULAR".
  69. The few silverware you have is mismatched and plastic.
  70. You frequently get honked at by those stupid American drivers who think they know how to drive.
  71. You know someone who owns a motel or a convenience store.
  72. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
  73. You think an Desi businessman will give you a better deal because he's Desi.
  74. You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there.
  75. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonial no matter what she looks like.
  76. Your dad thinks it's perfectly OK to hawk and spit out a loogey on the sidewalk.
  77. You use Vicks Vaporub.
  78. The video tapes you rent are 10th generation copies and have scrolling commercials in the middle of the movie.
  79. You know the words of the "Vicco Turmeric" commercial.
  80. You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train.
  81. You've had to swerve around animals grazing on the road.
  82. You've been in a bus where half the people riding are outside the bus.
  83. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
  84. You have drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can cut your mouth if you're not careful.
  85. Experiencing 20 power blackouts in a single day doesn't faze you.
  86. You tape Christmas cards on your wall.
  87. You have a plastic rug-runner going down your hallway at home.
  88. There's a pungent odor of spices as one enters your home.
  89. You've never had a tanning salon membership.
  90. You call fluorescent lights "tube lights" or a flashlight a "torch."
  91. You pronounce "wary" and "very" the same way.
  92. You pack a suitcase full of toilet paper when visiting India.
  93. You've tied up your luggage with rope to keep it from falling apart.
  94. You always take doggy bag home either dinning at restaurants or at somebody's house.
  95. Always try to procure all the latest items advertised and then after few days return for refund.
  96. If you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
  97. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
  98. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
  99. Whenever you are invited at a friend's house you always try to take a quick tour of their whole house.
  100. You always try to give advice to people when you do not follow yourself.