We are unique.. we mean something.. there is no one else like us… we are defined by our own abilities… we are our identity
I think that’s how we see ourselves.. we see all the other things as secondary… the first thing we think of when we think of ourselves is just ourselves
Most will probably agree.. but some will disagree… and to those I’d say you have prob gone through what I am going to say
I always thought relationships didn’t matter.. that we are loved and cared for because of who we are.. but it isn’t so… it might be cuz we are someone’s child.. or someone’s sibling… or if we are successful then its cuz we have money or fame… and those who don’t have money or fame.. have their parents and siblings..
and if you go and find someone special.. to think that’ll change things.. then you will be you to that person.. if you are lucky, that person didn’t love you cuz of your parents or siblings or sucess.. that person loved you for you and nothing else… but you will always be the second one… you will not be the first priority.. .. you will always be in the shadow of someone else… people can complain about that.. but i guess one can’t cuz you didn’t come into that person’s life before others.. so it takes the right to complain away from you, doesn’t it
Is that it? will we always be under the shadow of someone else? if this is how you truely feel.. how will u change that? how can you change that really? cuz to change it means you gotta change how others think.. and that’s not possible.. how can move outta someone’s shadow and be looked upon as just yourself? how can you be important to someone else, more than anyone else, just because of yourself and nothing else
This is a really interesting topic. Love is both an unquestionable concept and yet the most questioned concept in our existence, specifically our interactions and relationships with others. In reading the above responses I found Stealth's to be the most comprehensive because as he mentioned, love essentially cannot be defined by conventional terms or otherwise. It will always remain matter of perception. I also found your questions very intriguing NMG, especially those concerning love for one relative to others in their life.
A friend of mine once categorized love into three groups. The first she said, is for those who love their partners, family, friends for who they are. Selflessly. For their nature, their personality, the characteristics they embody - caring, intelligent, respectful, etc. The second refers to those who love because it causes them happiness. The lover becomes selfish because he or she does so for self-satisfaction. Personal utility. The last group is similar to the third in that they love for the sake of loving. For the sake of having somebody to love for various motives, personal gain, once again self satisfaction, or any number of reasons. Now I don't know if love is limited to these groupings but it can be assumed that they exist. In my eyes, love is not only an emotional attachment but a connection on a level that precedes all others. This love however, differs in levels from individual to individual. For example, I will not love my parents the same way I love my husband. They are two different types of love. Similarly, as you pointed out, it makes little sense to elevate someone whom one barely knows above their spouse or partner. Priorities are subject to change throughout life and hence knowing and appreciating people changes over time. In this way love is fixed yet flexible and my definition may not be the same as yours or vice versa
Why believe that one loves you because you of an association with someone else? Another object of desire or appreciation. Why assume that the lover loves due to indirect relation? I love because I love the person. Not for any other reason. Not for personal benefit, satisfaction, not because I feel more comfortable or secure, though those may be part of the equation, but they do not entirely define it. That is how I see love, and that is how I see love by appreciation, not association. Love encompasses respect, devotion, care, selflessness and a sense of admiration. To me being loved and loving are one and the same. I think the following lines [in metaphor] can best summarize what I mean.
*Both life and shadow
are the light of love
Love has no cause;
it is the astrolabe of God's secrets
Lover and loving are inseparable
and timeless
*
We are unique.. we mean something.. there is no one else like us... we are defined by our own abilities... we are our identity
I think that's how we see ourselves.. we see all the other things as secondary..... the first thing we think of when we think of ourselves is just ourselves
Most will probably agree.. but some will disagree... and to those I'd say you have prob gone through what I am going to say
I always thought relationships didn't matter.. that we are loved and cared for because of who we are.. but it isn't so... it might be cuz we are someone's child.. or someone's sibling... or if we are successful then its cuz we have money or fame... and those who don't have money or fame.. have their parents and siblings..
and if you go and find someone special.. to think that'll change things.. then you will be you to that person.. if you are lucky, that person didn't love you cuz of your parents or siblings or sucess.. that person loved you for you and nothing else........... but you will always be the second one... you will not be the first priority.. .. you will always be in the shadow of someone else...... people can complain about that.. but i guess one can't cuz you didn't come into that person's life before others.. so it takes the right to complain away from you, doesn't it
Is that it? will we always be under the shadow of someone else? if this is how you truely feel.. how will u change that? how can you change that really? cuz to change it means you gotta change how others think.. and that's not possible.. how can move outta someone's shadow and be looked upon as just yourself? how can you be important to someone else, more than anyone else, just because of yourself and nothing else
The one who truly loves you will love you for you. But before that, you have to know who you are. Your priorities, your goals, your aspirations in life, your likes and dislikes, your taste in clothing...even your allergies make up who you are. Dont allow someone else to take over your life, give up your personality and allow them to keep you in their shadow.
Be you...the best you can be...and never ever lose yourself in a relationship.
Re: You Aren't Yourself, and if you are, someone else is the priority
curiosity - a really thought provoking topic....I think you cannot really take away the fact that first and foremost you will always remain to be somebodys daughter, someones wife...however within this notion- as u say, you develop ur own character and personality and this is the aspect that people you encounter who are not connected to your family or social circle you once had growing up, see you as a separate entity as "curiosity"... as an individual .. its only if you wish to share with these people that you find urself in the same situation as earlier on..... I have personally found that your love and devotion to your parents is unconditional and this is your first loyalty.....love to your husband/ in laws is a love that is usually built over time ....and here people do probably see you as part of an entity with ur hubby......however to any outsiders its how you present yourself and your relationships.................