Re: YES, I need help.
You’re a very strong person to get through all that. There’s no shame in asking for help now. I know your fiance is extremely supportive of you, and talking to God has been a great source of solace as well, but if you need extra help or maybe even medication for the short term, don’t be hesitant to get that help. Wishing you all the best in the future.
Re: YES, I need help.
I can't feel your pain or imagine what you went through and it would be wrong if i said i did, so i cant suggest you in any way. But something i get from your posts is that you are a brave person and no matter what comes your way you can still pull yourself from it inshaAllah. I hope Allah (swt) blesses you with strength and the ability to make better decisions for you and your parents. Stay strong and all the best for the future.
Re: YES, I need help.
Inshallah you have a great life ahead of you…
Re: YES, I need help.
ufff.. im in office and read ur posts and story… and im crying. You are strong and inshallah Allah will never ever make u suffer even a bit. Those who did bad to you will see bad in this world and the hereafter, you will see them paying for their torture in this life. This is called makafat-e-amal.
Find hobbies, try to indulge urself in something fun and something that makes u happy. Pray, love, travel. Read books. Dont think of the past.
May Allah help you sister. Lots of love and prayers for ur future inshallah.
Re: YES, I need help.
[quote="Whatwhatwhat"]
You know, only my fiance knows in full detail what happened to me in those 10years, and every time he has a way of making me feel like I'm the bravest girl in the world. And that moment when he makes me feel like that, it almost feels like "it was worth it." Meaning I passed a HUGE challenge in my life from ALLAH. And you just gave me the same feeling. These feelings only add to my strength, which at times I need very much.
It feels so good to hear that, I wish I could honestly do something. I always whine and worry about little things, but you went through an awful time. Im so happy Allah tala kept me away from these problems. I wish you all the best and believe me Allah tala will inshALLAH reward u cuz he knows how loving you are and you are scared of him. Stay strong sis!
Re: YES, I need help.
WWW I see lot of got advice here. All , I can do is make dua for your health and well being. May Allah give you more strength to deal with your issues and shower you with his blessings going forward so that you could forget your past. Ameen.
Re: YES, I need help.
CG: I think that’s what I want, a change in perspective in-terms of my parents. I just want to be filled with happiness and after reading this thread I feel like I’m the only one holding myself back from happiness. I have to let go, but slowly because some little reminder always brings me back. I also do take it out on my fiance, but he understands and still makes me feel better.
Murgi- In-terms of professional help, I don’t want my parents to know that I’m getting help for depression because they will only look down at me and judge me for being depressed. After I get married, this will be one of the first thing I do. Also I think I would like to have my fiance beside me for support. I can’t go in alone and let my heart out, he has to be next to me.
Psyah- I have no clue what a window licker is.
Name, Mirage, Slims, Hadeel, Reha, Lady gaga, Niqaab, Mirch: Thank you soo much Your dua’s mean the world to me. When I get sad I can always come back to this thread to make myself feel better.
For all those that read my story and all those that didn’t, I just want to say that I’m okay and happy overall. I’m happy because at some point while growing up I gained strength from ALLAH and I realize it’s much better to face a challenge in this duniya rather than in the hereafter. But than I was granted this man who is nothing less than an angel. The way he was able to pick up the broken pieces of my life and put them back together, I could have never done that all on my own. So I’m always grateful for him. While I’m blessed, I also sometimes hit rock bottom with just a small flashback. This is something I need to work on, like CG said changing my perspective, and getting professional help, which I will only do after marriage because I need him beside me.
I pray that no other child goes through such pain and suffering before someone realizes that there is something wrong. I hope every child receives the bonding time from parents which is critical in the early years of childhood.
Re: YES, I need help.
we're all happy overall.
I can say with utmost certainty that our childhood haunts us for the rest of our lives. You need to make the changes, i dont really know what outside help would do. Perhaps talking to your parents about this would make it better, but not a stranger. For the most part people want support from those they value or know. There is no reason to see a therapist now and wallow in your misery.
Start your new life with happy thoughts and dont carry the baggage of your past to your marriage.
Re: YES, I need help.
you know what is amazing about you, and what not many people have left when they go through something so emotionally and phsyically torturous? hope and faith. you have faith in God and you have hope for a better future with your fiance and you have realised you need help and you’re going to get it. sometimes those who have hurt us the most are the people we least want to open up to. and you find an alternative (i.e. therapy) you wanna go with your fiance for moral support, do it. because you need to move on from this and you deserve happiness without your past haunting you. and if your fiance can handle whatever you feel and whaetver you need to get through this, then kudos to him. but in the long term, he WILL run out of patience from seeing you break down ‘every once in a while’ so take the therapy, get some help so you can find some sort of closure from all this and i wish you nothing but the best for the future. Inshallah
Re: YES, I need help.
Just an update:
Last night my dad really pushed my buttons, so we had a full blown out fight about EVERYTHING. I mean I have been keeping this stuff inside of me for 28 years, it's about time for me to let him know. But of course he said I WAS LYING. I didn't go through any childhood trauma and that every child goes through depression, and that I should have just gotten over it.
We screamed, yelled, pointed fingers at each other. But at the end he was unable to take responsibility for his actions, which btw I didn't expect him too. He said his parents and sisters could never have done anything like that. He basically picked his THAT family over his own daughter.
At the end, I said that we can agree to disagree to which he agreed. I'm not mad at him, and we ate dinner as if the fight never happened. My mom doesn't even know about it. I may tell her one day, or may not as there is no point.
But the best part was when he told me to "go to hell." And at that point I knew how lucky I am, because I must have passed this test ALLAH had given me all these years. I stood in front of my dad with peace in my heart ( because I know I didn't ruin anyone's life), with contentment that ALLAH is on my side, and with hope because I have a great man to spend the rest of my life in happiness iA.
I have nothing but pity and sadness for my dad. He doesn't have enough life-time to repent to ALLAH for all the mistakes he has make. Because he is too foolish to even realize his mistakes. But that in itself is a blessing for me, because ALLAH will decide his punishment not me. I will stand beside him until his last breath and be the best daughter I can be, iA'.
Thank you to all those that replied and made a difference in my life. In-case you're wondering, I AM a regular poster of GS (in response to those pms), and many of you that replied I know personally and I made dua for you, because this thread does have something to do with me on my way of getting better and living an amazing happy life, iA. I am getting much better and the fight last night was going to happen one day, so I'm glad it's happened and now I will move on.
Re: YES, I need help.
oh my god, I am SO sorry for all you’ve been though. I read your post multiple times and I was teary-eyed reading it. You are so brave and it’s amazing you have an understanding fiance who loves you. And no one deserves to go through what you did but this will help you become an amazing and understanding mom. 
Re: YES, I need help.
www: I am glad you faced your demons and came out unscathed. (I know unscathed may be a ironical term to use). If only all of us had this courage to deal with the issues that need to be dealt with and get the required closure. Kudos to you.
And btw, I also hope you find in your heart to totally let go of the bitterness. It may take a long time but I hope you do. Good luck!
Re: YES, I need help.
WWW, ((HUGS))!
So sorry to read all of what you have gone through. I really hope you get the help you need to come out the other end of this relatively unscathed.
The only way to get rid of your "black cloud" is to let go.. But thats the hardest point. I had a tough childhood too and I carried the memories and feelings around with me in a suitcase everywhere I went. Some family member would say/do somthing or something would happen and that suitcase would come flying open and all the emotions and memories would overwhelm me. My anger, resentment, hatred would take over and I would go into self-destruct mode. I'd cut myself and take overdoses. The next morning I felt so angry that I did that to myself and promised never to do it agian, until the next time... I'd re-pack the suitacase and make sure it was shut so tight it would never open up again..
Over the years I kept myself busy. I took on three jobs and full-time education to work my way up and out the sh!thole I was in. I put all my energy and effort in moving forward faster and faster and leaving the past further and further behind... All the time unloading that suitcase and never re-pacaking it. If a memory/flash back came up I would take it out the suitcase andtell myself, I am over it. I'm better now, stronger and living my life for me and for my brighter future. I'd thnk of my positives, my jobs, my edication, my pending uni application, my friends. Over the years, that suitcase gradually became empty and then I dumped that empty suitcase never to be seen again. Along the way, my wonderful husband and a loving sister helped me to empty that suitcase.
I guess what I am trying to say is it takes time and a positive attitude. You have to think positive and be bigger and badder than the meories you hold. They're just memories, they can't hurt you now unless you let them. You need people around you who care about you and you need to be with them as much as you can.
I honestly believe you can let it all go and there will be one day where you will look back and think I'm over it and I dont care anymore about what happened to me!
I don't know if this has helped but just wanted to give you some advice from someone who's been there..
Re: YES, I need help.
Your story is soo sad.. and you are a very brave girl Mashallah. My heart is praying for you. You are going through a lot of emotions. Your dad obviously doesnt care about you and doesnt need you. I would just tell you to focus on your future. Be grateful for this wonderful guy in your life who will Inshallah make you forget every pain that you have seen in your past he understands you and Inshallah will become your support. I can understand that you hate your mother for not fighting but she was weak and thats definitely forgiveable. You should be her support. She had it just as bad if not worse than you. Inshallah you will have a beautiful future =) Make friends build trustworthy relationships outside your family. You are older now you passed the difficult time now take your life in control and try to forget about your past. I know its easier said than done but if you need you can get counseling it will help you to stay strong and how to cope with it Inshallah
Re: YES, I need help.
Thank you all for your kind advice.
I was going to make another thread on parents not believing children and so should those kids really forgive their parents or not?
But when I reread my posts, I realized I can do whatever as long as I don't hurt my dad (I don't want to punish him in this duniya, I want him to be punished by ALLAH). That's pretty sick of me to say, but it's reality.
But till this day he keeps pushing me and hurting me. maybe that's never going to stop? because he's my dad, and whatever he says will always hurt me even if i try to ignore.
I always have to remind myself there are people who are worse off than me....................sigh.
Re: YES, I need help.
All i can say is that i hope ur dad is sent down to hell on a missile. Of course thats not for us but for Allah (swt) to decide. Ive done dua for you. Just a little poem i wanna share :)
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul
Re: YES, I need help.
Hey WWW just wanted to say well done for trying to conquering your fears, you are obviously a very strong person and you seemed to have learned a lot from your past.
I would agree though, that dont take the burden of your pain all on your own shoulders. Its never too late for therapy and you may find it easier to speak to a stranger about your feelings. Maybe not of course, obviously you would know better, but I do think you shouldnt rule out therapy. You shouldnt see it as something bad but as a way to get it out of your system.
I do think you have been so brave to get past as much as you have, what you have been through sounds terrible, and I'm happy to hear you have such a supportive partner. I just hope that you manage to come to terms with your pain, as I would never want your children to see the pain in your eyes and share any time of anger towards what happened to you.
But mashallah to you, you're a good example at trying to learn not to hold onto your anger, and i commend you for it : )
Re: YES, I need help.
Revenge is God's. Possibly a horrid thought to have (to some), but when one suffers at the hands of ones own parents, revenge does come to mind. From very personal experience I can tell you that God does sort it all out, you may have to wait a bit, but He will.
You don't have to let your dad hurt you, turn your bitterness into pity, you will feel much better for it and in time the pity will disappear and you won't even think about him at all.
Re: YES, I need help.
I salute you for your courage and wish I had 10% of your strength of character. If I were in your place, I would not be so nice to your dad. Please do get some professional advice/counsel. May God protect you and your family (with your wonderful and supportive husband).