I find it horribly embarrassing and end up feeling really bad for the person who is being yelled at.
As some of you know, I have been visiting senior citizens for some work I am doing and the things that I have been seeing with some people is just, well, shocking to me.
Here are these old parents, many of them are widowed, and their son or daughter is yelling at them for not paying attention to me (or them) while I am (they are) talking, or for not doing something that I have asked them to do. I just feel like telling the person who is yelling at them to please not embarrass their parent infront of me but then I think I have no place to say that. And whats worse is the parent will say something like, “I’m sorry” to their child. Sorry for what?? Allowing your child to treat you like a baby or a child of theirs, instead of as a parent? It’s just mind boggling. Dont people consider how rude it is? Forget about the fact that I find it rude that someone would do that infront of me, but just the fact that its your mother or father there (mostly mothers). How can you yell at your parents? They arent even doing anything, and even if they are, what is the need to yell? Does it make people feel better to yell at their mother?
Would you ever yell at your parents? Why dont people feel bad when they engage in this behavior? Do they think they have a right to do that? I just dont understand it.
I remember when I was in highschool I had a friend who used to have these horrible fights with her mother while I was in the same room. I just couldnt believe that they would curse eachother out, then slam the doors on eachothers faces and not even think twice that someone is in the house who is not even a part of the family. Not only that, but later I would realize that all the yelling did absolutely nothing because they would end up having the same fights the next time I was over at their house.
The situation with the senior citizens isnt even one where the parent is saying anything to the child. But the example of my friend is where both are arguing back and forth.
Does a child have the right to yell back, if they dont like what their parents are saying? What about when the parent just sits quiet and listens while their kids yell at them? Would you yell at your parents infront of others or in privacy if they did or said something you didnt like?
This world is drawing close to a crazy end munni. No a kid doesnt have any right, but I've done it at times too, but that was a very long time back, now I realize that I was wrong. we cannot yell back, maybe we can argue with a humble tone, but it doesnt work. Parents are human beings too, & they are wrong too, but that doesnt mean that we have a right to yell back.
Frustration which has gradually build inside blows out like hot magma, so I guess this is y, most of the younger generation kids do it.
Waisay in my opinion...elder citizens should not be dumped in some centre, they should be taken care of at home...my opinion. When we were young infants, we were taken care of too.
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*Originally posted by mal1k: *
This world is drawing close to a crazy end munni. No a kid doesnt have any right, but I've done it at times too, but that was a very long time back, now I realize that I was wrong. we cannot yell back, maybe we can argue with a humble tone, but it doesnt work. Parents are human beings too, & they are wrong too, but that doesnt mean that we have a right to yell back.
Frustration which has gradually build inside blows out like hot magma, so I guess this is y, most of the younger generation kids do it.
Waisay in my opinion...elder citizens should not be dumped in some centre, they should be taken care of at home...my opinion. When we were young infants, we were taken care of too.
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mal1k, I speak to these senior citizens(ages 70+) in their homes. I see them get yelled at by their kids who are in their 40's and 50's and what not, in their own home. It's so sad.
I understood the aspect of the age gap. But in essence, its the same really, whether ur young or ur old. U just dont have any right at all. Our Prophet S.A.W.W related in a Hadith, that he would not love to die old, coz he would be at the mercy of others. So I guess old age is an age which is quite really disturbing. It is the duty of a young one to take care of the poor soul, who is very much like a child. Ziddi hotay hain, ye buzurg log. They are quite like small children who insist on everything, & children should respect them, not to treat them like trash.
My own grand khala was treated like trash. I was 16 years old, when she passed away & all the time I saw her, she was always giving us Duas. Whenever me & my family used to travel to Pakistan(3 times a year), she always used to visit us. She was so humble, & kids my age(12-13) were shouting back at her. These kids were my cousins. And all she used to do was smile & say "manu maaf karday, galti hogaye hai"...the only language she could speak was hindko.
My mom & dad were against this, & they always asked us to speak in a soft tone with her.
I have rebelled in my years too, but now I have come a long way since.
is there a difference in yelling all the time and losing ur cool once in awhile? i know some kids who keep everything inside and dont confide in anyone.. and sometimes it all builds up and one day they just lash out.. not cus they're angry at their parents, but cus family are the closest people who will hear u out and still forgive u after a day or so..
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
Does a child have the right to yell back, if they dont like what their parents are saying? What about when the parent just sits quiet and listens while their kids yell at them? Would you yell at your parents infront of others or in privacy if they did or said something you didnt like?
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I've gotten into arguments (tameez k saath) with my parents but at the end I end up doing what they tell me to do. No I would NEVER yell at my parents, neither in privacy nor infront of thers to humiliate them (definitley not).
mal1k, I think as we grow older we realize certain things and adjust our behavior accordingly, but some ppl never do. I wonder if ppl who yell at their parents think they are "winning" a conversation because they are talking louder than everyone else in the room.
sadzzz, personally I think its disrespectful no matter what the age, and no matter if its once in a while or very common. I am no saint, but one thing I never did was raise my voice with my parents, eventhough I did not get along with my mom that well growing up (although now I do Alhumdulillah). Instead of yelling I would do the silent treatment by going to my room. I know for sure that my parents preferred that then having me yell at them.
Shikra, thats really what it is. It's public humiliation (even if only two are in the room). A psychological game of sorts. Sometimes people seem to make it into a win/lose tournament. Does it feel good to people knowing they have humiliated their parents? Isn't that a bit sadistic?
With my dad, I have never raised my voice..i have argued and rolled my eyes but crying works best with him :p I am guilty of at times kinda yelling at my mom. I didnt realized I was doing it, but now I just stop talkin to her and stop eating when i am really mad
..some time back I posted this here from a forward I got..great eye - opener.....
An old man was sitting in the courtyard of his house along with his son who had received high education. Suddenly a crow perched on a wall of the house. The father asked the son: What is this?
The son replied: It is a crow.
After a little while the father again asked the son: What is this?
The son said: It is a crow.
After a few minutes the father asked his son the third time: What is this?
The son said: Father, I have just now told you that this is a crow. After a little while the old father again asked his son the fourth time: what is this?
At this time some expression of irritation was felt in the son's tone when he said to his father with a rebuff.
Father! It is a crow, a crow.
A little after the father again asked his son: What is this?
This time the son replied to his father with a vein of temper.
Father: You are always repeating the same question, although I have told you so many times that it is a crow. Are you not able to
understand this?
A little later the father went to his room and came back with an old diary. Opening a page he asked his son to read that. When the
son read it the following words were written in the
diary:
Today my little son was sitting with me in the courtyard, when a crow came there. My son asked me twenty-five times what it was and I told him twenty-five times that it was a crow and I did not at all feel irritated. I rather felt affection for the innocent child.
The father then told the son the difference saying:
between a father and a sons attitude, while a little child he asked me this question twenty-five times and I felt no irritation in replying to the question twenty-five times and when today I asked him the same question only five times, he felt irritated and annoyed!
Quran says:
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, And that you be dutiful to your parents, If one of them or both of them attain old age with you, do not say "uff" to them, nor repulse them, but speak to them a gracious word. And lower to them the wing of submission and
humbleness out of mercy to both of them and say: 'My Lord! Have mercy on them both, as they cared for me and brought me up when I was a little child.'
" (Quran Chapter 17: Verses 23+24)
i used to argue quite a bit with mum during my teens... it was just everything i think. No insults being passed around, just arguing to prove a point..
now i just stay choop and keep it inside and talk about it when i feel a lot calmer... works best i think
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Degas: *
..some time back I posted this here from a forward I got..great eye - opener.....
An old man was sitting in the courtyard of his house along with his son who had received high education. Suddenly a crow perched on a wall of the house. The father asked the son: What is this?
The son replied: It is a crow.
After a little while the father again asked the son: What is this?
The son said: It is a crow.
After a few minutes the father asked his son the third time: What is this?
The son said: Father, I have just now told you that this is a crow. After a little while the old father again asked his son the fourth time: what is this?
At this time some expression of irritation was felt in the son's tone when he said to his father with a rebuff.
Father! It is a crow, a crow.
A little after the father again asked his son: What is this?
This time the son replied to his father with a vein of temper.
Father: You are always repeating the same question, although I have told you so many times that it is a crow. Are you not able to
understand this?
A little later the father went to his room and came back with an old diary. Opening a page he asked his son to read that. When the
son read it the following words were written in the
diary:
Today my little son was sitting with me in the courtyard, when a crow came there. My son asked me twenty-five times what it was and I told him twenty-five times that it was a crow and I did not at all feel irritated. I rather felt affection for the innocent child.
The father then told the son the difference saying:
between a father and a sons attitude, while a little child he asked me this question twenty-five times and I felt no irritation in replying to the question twenty-five times and when today I asked him the same question only five times, he felt irritated and annoyed!
Quran says:
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, And that you be dutiful to your parents, If one of them or both of them attain old age with you, do not say "uff" to them, nor repulse them, but speak to them a gracious word. And lower to them the wing of submission and
humbleness out of mercy to both of them and say: 'My Lord! Have mercy on them both, as they cared for me and brought me up when I was a little child.'
" (Quran Chapter 17: Verses 23+24)
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